


South Park One shots

by ErrorUnknownUser



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Vines, bendy - Freeform, clyde is kind of a dummy, mama token, mostly creek, one shots, requests from tumblr, some Cartters, some Kyman, teenage mischief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:47:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 51,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5412242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErrorUnknownUser/pseuds/ErrorUnknownUser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of requested South Park oneshots from tumblr. <b>Requests are closed.</b> Daily updates until all requests are written (there's about fifty total).</p><p>Mostly contains Creek with some Craig, Cyde, Token and Tweek mischief. Now with some Cartters and Kyman!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Knock Knock

**Author's Note:**

> So recently on my main fic, Macabre, I've hit a combined 100 followers and have just finished the first arc of the story so I'm celebrating by doing SP oneshot requests! I have four finished and several more that I'm working on. Feel free to swing by my tumblr and leave your own request! (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/errorunknownuser) 
> 
> I found a lot of these requests to cute to not share on here~

**anonymous asked:  
you should do some creek cuddles for the one shots eee**

xxx

“Knock knock.” 

Oh god, not this again. I'm definitely going to ignore him. Once he gets started, he never stops. Just ignore him. 

“Knock knock, Tweek. Jesus don't be so rude. Someone's obviously at your door you asshole.” 

Why am I dating the biggest dork in the world?

“Hey! Don't ignore me.” I keep my gaze locked onto the TV that's playing Wreck it Ralph because that movie is cute and I like candy. 

“Dude.” A sharp ass elbow is being shoved into my side. Why does Craig have to have such vicious elbows? Seriously, you could kill someone with those things. “Knock knock.”

“Craig, no. Just no. Once you get started you never stop. I just want to watch this cute fluffy movie in peace.” Craig rolls his eyes and makes a weird scoffing noise. 

“I swear to god I only have like three jokes this time.”

“You're a dirty liar.” Craig never has only three jokes.

He pushes me over on the soft ugly couch. I love this couch. She’s not pretty but she's soft and lovable and her name is Olga because we bought her from this weird guy named Doug but we thought he said Dogla and we were confused. Plus this is the first thing we purchased together for our apartment. 

“Okay fine, maybe like four.”

“Craig I can't hear the movie.” I scoot away from him so that I'm nestled into the farthest corner away from the noirette and his stupid cheesy knock knock jokes. 

It’s actually really cute that Craig tells knock knock jokes all the time. It started back in elementary school when his parents started fighting really badly. Craig’s little sister got all sad and quiet suddenly so Craig got desperate to get her to laugh again. Knock knock jokes became that one thing that actually made her smile. Eventually knock knock jokes became a nervous habit of Craig’s. Whenever the shy baffoon got all awkward he'd try to play it off with a knock knock joke. I call it adorkable. He calls it smooth. 

Now he just likes to drive me crazy by telling me knock knock joke after knock knock joke when he’s bored. 

I really wish he'd just tell me this movie is boring him. Jesus Christ. 

“Knock knock.”

“I'm not answering you.”

“Fine you asshat. I'll answer for you. Who's there you ask?” Yeah, biggest dork ever. “Urine.”

“What! Craig that's gross. Shut up I want to see who's gonna win this dramatic candy race.” This dramatic candy race is making me want candy.

“Urine who?” Craig inhales deeply and dramatically. His nerdy star wars socked feet stretch and probe at my calf. I try to kick his feet away but I think this is just turning into footsies. “Urine secure! Don't know what for. You're-”

In half a second flat I've launched myself over the couch and into Craig's lap. I shove my hands against his mouth to get the One Direction to stop immediately. Besides, Craig's not even singing it. He's just speaking monotonously which isn't even fair because Craig is a really good singer.

“No! Not okay!” Craig pulls my hands off his mouth, but that's not it. No, he has to licks my palms before releasing them. Of course. He's such an overgrown child. 

I gag and wipe my hands off on his sweater. He grabs my wrists.

“Knock knock.”

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“Knock knock!” Craig is just getting louder and more obnoxious. Plus he's holding my wrists so that I'm pinned against his chest and Craig is like a million times stronger than me. There's no way I'm getting free. 

“I hate you.” Craig rolls his eyes and tries to kiss me. I jerk away so that he ends up kissing my eyebrow instead. He doesn't care. He licks my forehead. So gross. 

“Knock knock.”

“Who's there?” Maybe it'll be faster if I just indulge in this nonsense. Sometimes I miss the awkward early on dating days where Craig was still shy and almost kind of normal. Oh the old days. It’s probably a good thing that I love this dork so much.

“Cynthia.”

“Cynthia who?”

“Cynthia been gone! I can't breathe for the first time.” Okay this one makes me laugh. Craig look fucking pleased with himself too. He's still not even singing though. These jokes would be a million times better if he would sing.

“These are new.”

“Hell yeah they are. Knock knock.”

“Really, there's more?” Craig grins at me and winks. Craig can't wink though. He more just face spasms. “Who's there?” I ask.

“Anime.” 

“Um, anime who?” 

“Are you from Japan? Cause you got anime-zing body.” 

“Oh my god Craig.” I'm laughing again. Craig laughs too and I feel his arms wrap around my shoulders to press our chests flush together.

“Knock knock.” 

“Please tell me this is the last one.”

“Sure, now, knock knock.”

“Who's there?”

“Honeydew.”

“Honeydew who?”

“Honeydew you know how fine you look tonight?”

Okay this one isn't new. It is cute though. I roll my eyes and push my lips to his neck. 

“Thanks. Now will you shut up so I can watch this movie?”

“I lied.”

“What?” 

“Knock knock.”

“If this isn't the last one you're sleeping on the couch tonight.” Okay I'm not actually serious and Craig knows that too. He laughs and I love the feeling of his chest rumbling against my own. “Who's there?”

“Dwayne.”

“Dwayne who?” This one is new…

“Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning.” 

HE DIDN'T. 

BUT HE DID. 

AND HE EVEN TRIED TO TALK IN THAT AWFUL HIGH PITCHED VOICE. OH GOD.

I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe and there are actual tears running down my cheeks. I was almost positive a dirty knock knock joke was coming because Craig is a horny bastard but no. Instead I got that. 

Oh god. 

I have to sit up because I'm laughing so hard. I swear to god my insides are melting. Craig is chuckling at my reaction and he even winks. Stupid Craig and his stupid awful winks. 

But oh god. I'm still laughing so hard. 

When I finally recover a semblance of breathing Craig pulls me back against his chest. 

“Alright I promise I'm done now.”

“Craig you are such a dork.” 

“Last night you were ranting to me about your Disney conspiracy theories.”

“You agreed with me!”

“You're still a dork.” I glance up at Craig and he's smirking. I try to give him a disapproving glare but he's still smiling all smug like. 

“I hate you.”

“You love me.” Craig awkwardly cranes his neck so that he can kiss me briefly. He then guides me into rolling over so that my back is against him. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and his legs are casually weaved through mine. We're cuddling exactly how he knows I like it. “Now shut up and watch the movie. I'm trying to cuddle.”

He's such a little butthead. 

“The movie is literally over.” The end credits had just started. You have to be kidding me. 

“I know. Which means it's my turn to pick a movie.” Craig ‘winks’ again. He keeps his arms wrapped around me and selects a new movie from Netflix with the Playstation remote. 

He's lucky I like cuddling so much. 

“I hate you.” I feel him kiss the top of my head. 

“Love you too babe.” 

I still wish he'd just tell me when he's bored like a normal human being.


	2. Purely Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig is worried.

**anonymous asked:  
I was wondering if you could write some angst into fluff Creek, I know you just finished that kinda thing, but I'm a sucker for that kinda stuff. By the way I just wanted to tell you that you are an amazing writer!**

 

Tweek’s worrying me. 

Last night we had agreed to meet downtown at noon and now it’s nearly one and he’s still not here. I’ve tried calling him and texting him but he’s not answering. I even tried his home phone and his parent’s cells but no one is answering me.

I just want to make sure he’s okay.

After a few moments of thought I decide it’s time to pay a visit to the Tweak household. 

When I arrive at the Tweak residence there’s really no sign of life. Their car is gone and all the lights seem to be off. It’s a cloudy day out so I can’t imagine there’s very much light in there. I check the front door and find it unlocked. 

I’ve been dating Tweek for long enough that it’s not weird for me to walk straight inside without knocking. 

Upon entry there’s still no sign of my boyfriend or either of his family members. I try calling out his name but there’s no answer. 

I check the downstairs first. Nothing.

I move upstairs and head straight to his room. Tweek always loves his room. It’s very personal to him and he calls it his one safe space. We had been dating for like two months before he finally let me into his room. I like his room too. He likes to build things and he has all these cool lego sculptures and model figurines he’s made. 

Tweek is just really good with his hands. Really fucking good.

I carefully push Tweek’s door open. You always have to be slow and gentle. Tweek is kind of like a timid little animal who gets scared if you act too quickly or loud. 

I can barely see into Tweek’s room. He has these giant black out curtains that keeps his room dark all day. The numerous night lights are the only source of light. 

I don’t see Tweek. 

I tiptoe around a new castle built with legos and then duck underneath a paper chain hanging across the room. In the corner of Tweek’s room using a bookshelf, desk, and dresser is a pretty sweet fort we had built last weekend. If Tweek is in here I know he’ll be hiding in there. 

Tweek always likes small dark spaces which always surprised me. I thought he’d be afraid of the dark and claustrophobic or something. I guess not. 

The entrance to the fort is small. A fuzzy blanket hangs over two chairs to create a small tunnel that you have to crawl through. 

Tweek and I have been building forts since elementary school so it’s safe to say we’ve gotten pretty damn good at building them. The next part of the fort is a pillow wall. You must move two pillows the proper way to continue in. If you chose the wrong two pillows the entire wall will fall and you will never be able to enter. Unless you just move all the pillows out of the way but whatever. 

I move the correct pillows and peak my head into the main chamber. A small ball of a teenage boy with wild blonde hair and wild green eyes stare at me. 

There he is. 

He doesn’t look very good. He looks scared. I don’t like it when Tweek is scared because I feel helpless. I want to make him feel better but I never know how. Tweek always says I make him feel better just by being with him but I worry that he’s lying to make me feel better. 

I’m honestly too big for forts but I wiggle my way inside anyways. I pretty much take the rest of the free space up. 

Tweek is really worrying me. He hasn’t really looked at me. I mean his open eyes are staring straight ahead at me but I can tell that he’s not actually seeing me. I don’t know what he’s seeing. 

Tweek sees stuff. Sometimes it’s colors, or cute little creatures and other times it's scary monsters. He hears things a lot too. He’s supposed to take medication to make it stop but he’s bad at taking medication and it doesn’t always work. 

I awkwardly twist myself around so I can press my back against the wall, right next to Tweek. The blonde doesn’t even look at me as his frail little body gravitates towards me. Well at least he knows I’m here. That means he’s not as gone as I was afraid he would be. 

“Tweek,” I try to speak as softly and caring as I can. I reach out and grab his hand. His eyes are still locked straight ahead. 

“Do you see it?” His voice is tired and weak. His hand that isn’t gripping mine tightly holds a coffee thermos that’s probably been long empty. He probably hasn’t slept. I don’t think he slept yesterday either. 

“See what?” Tweek whimpers. 

“I didn’t think so.” Tweek is whispering as if he doesn’t want this mysterious creature to hear us. “It’s breathing loudly. It won’t stop staring at me. I don’t like it Craig. It’s scaring me.” 

“Tweek, hey, buddy. It’s not real. It’s okay. It’s not real.” I pull Tweek into my lap and wrap my arms around him. I just want him to feel safe. I don’t want him to be scared. 

“I know Craig. I know it’s not real but I can see it and I can hear it and it feels real.” Tweek whimpers again and I tighten my hold on him. 

“Then close your eyes.” Tweek shakes his head. I use my hands to cover his eyes. This makes Tweek whimper again. “Focus on my breathing. My breathing is real. I’m here. I’m real. I’m right here, okay?”

“S-Sometimes I’m afraid that you’re all in my head too. That thing seems so real and you seem so real that maybe you both aren’t really real. How do I know what’s actually real? How do I know Craig?” Tweek is starting to breathe heavily and I can feel him shaking in my arms. 

When I feel wet droplets touch my hands my chest constricts painfully. I just want to make him feel better. 

“Tweek, baby, I’m here. I’m real. You trust me, right?” Tweek nods stiffly. I press my lips against his neck just hoping to comfort him in any way possible. “Trust me when I say that I am real. Remember what your therapist always says? She always tells you to ground yourself. Ground yourself to reality. Let me be your anchor, okay? I’m your anchor babe, it’s okay.” I kiss his neck again.

How do you prove you're real to someone who’s reality and fantasy constantly intertwine? 

“I-I’m sorry Craig. We were s-supposed to go on a date today. I ruined our date. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so dumb.” He’s really starting to cry now. Seeing Tweek cries always kind of makes me want to cry. 

I pull Tweek across my lap so that he’s pretty much cradled in my arms. His scrawny arms go straight around my shoulders as he buries his face into my neck. His tears are hot and wet and make me feel like shit. 

“No, no, no. Don’t say that. You’re not dumb. Don’t be sorry. We can have a date whenever. You’re way more important. You’re important Tweek, okay?”

“Okay.” He whimpers again. I just hold him for a while as he slowly starts to calm down. 

We’re probably sitting there in silence for nearly an hour before he speaks again. When he does speak he pulls back to look at me with red swollen eyes. He looks tired and on the verge of passing out. 

“Hey Craig?” He sounds meek and shy. 

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I know Tweek.” I pull him back against me. “I love you too. Now how about we take a nap?”


	3. Episode 468

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig is done with how much of an idiot Clyde is. At least he got good blackmail material.

**anonymous asked:  
craigs gang + tweek going to see a movie but theyre there ridiculously early and get in to shenanigans in the arcade/lobby?**

 

Clyde’s an idiot and ninety percent of the time I just want to punch him. Okay, punch him in the most lovingly way possible - I guess. I very much reluctantly guess.

How did Clyde screw up this time you ask? Well in episode 467.5 of Clyde’s a Screw Up the dumbass got the time for the movies really fucking wrong.

How wrong you ask?

Like two hours off. As in we’re two hours early for a movie that’s first showing is specifically in two hours. I don’t understand how Clyde could fuck up the times so badly. For god’s sake there’s not even a single movie playing right now. That’s how badly he fucked up.

I just don’t understand how none of us thought to question why a movie would start so early. 

So now it’s ten in the morning on a precious Saturday and we’re stuck in the lobby of a building that doesn’t technically open for another hour. Clyde is just lucky that the side door is unlocked. I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be though. I think we’re in here illegally but I don’t care. I don’t want to be waiting outside in the cold. 

We’d consider walking back to Token’s but it’s freezing and it took us half an hour just to get here. There’s no way we’d spend another half hour to walk back in the freezing ass snow. Tweek is freaking out, Clyde is being a moron, and Token is just done with all our shit. 

“J-Jesus! G-Guys what if the cops s-show up. I can’t go to prison!” Tweek is tugging on my jacket which is a nervous habit of his. 

“Tweek it’s fine. Token is rich and money can pay your way out of everything.” I inform Tweek. He doesn’t seem to really buy it though and he groans. 

“I don’t understand why I’m friends with you. You’re such an asshole.” Token doesn’t sound very angry at me, just exasperated. But that’s Mama Token for you. 

“I like to think it’s one of my most endearing traits.” Tweek groans at me and when I glance over my shoulder at him he’s rolling his eyes. “Honestly though Tweek is the biggest asshole of us all. Did you see that? Mom, Tweek rolled his eyes at me. He’s making fun of me.” 

“W-What! I’m not an asshole! I-I’m not making fun of you! You’re j-just being ridiculous!”

“Craig, what did I say about calling me mom?”

“Mooom, Tweek called me ridiculous. He wound’s me. I’m going to cry.” Token groans and Tweek gasps offended. He tugs on my jacket.   
“Hey mom, look at me!” Shit, Clyde. I haven’t kept my eye on Clyde for like the last five minutes and that’s never a good thing. 

“Clyde! Don’t call me mom. Jesus christ you guys are a bunch of five year olds.” Token crosses his arms and turns to look in the direction of Clyde...

...Clyde who is climbed on top of a giant cardboard display of Killer Santa Clown vs. the Undead Zombiestein. Oh god. This is not good. 

I don’t know how Clyde even did it. This display is made out of cardboard, first of all. And Clyde is a heavy chubby fucker. He’s not fat or anything but like how does Cardboard hold him up? It could maybe, maybe, hold up Tweek and he’s like a bird. He weighs nothing. 

Clyde is sitting in Killer Santa Clown’s red chair, right on top of the horror movie’s main character. Holy fucking shit. Clyde is all spread out trying to posy all ‘sexy’ like or something. He’s probably trying to be funny and I guess it’s actually working. Tweek is giggling and Token looks ashamed to be called mom by such a monstrosity. 

I just want some blackmail material. 

“Hey, Clyde, I triple dog dare you to take off your shirt and pretend to make out with Santa.” Everyone knows Clyde Donovan never, ever, turns down a triple dog dare. As soon as the words left my mouth Token screams no, Tweek squeaks and Clyde stars stripping. 

Without even trying Clyde managed to throw his shirt over Undead Zombiestein’s face. Nice. I can’t help but laugh as Clyde then throws his arms over Santa’s cardboard shoulders and presses his lips against the rainbow colored beard. 

This is a beautiful moment. I’m actually proud to be Clyde’s friend. I don’t think this has ever happened before. 

I quickly whip out my phone and snap a picture. I show Tweek and he starts laughing pretty damn hard. Token has his hand pressed against his forehead and he’s just slowly shaking his head. 

This beautiful moment is interrupted when all of the lobby lights flip on. Tweek screams, Token jumps and Clyde falls of Santa’s lap and lands on the floor. 

A janitor is standing at the side door we had entered through. The old man is staring at us with a blank expression. He looks confused. Clyde is turning red and is scrambling to put his shirt back on. 

I’m glad I got that picture in time.   
Tweek is pressed up against my back, probably trying to hide from this janitor. Token looks really fucking done and I think this is all pretty funny. 

“Uh, you kids shouldn’t be in here.” The janitor doesn’t sound very sure of himself. 

“We’re just waiting for the movies to open up.” Token tries to say calmly. 

“Well yeh can wait in the arcade next door.” The man uses his thumb to point to an open door that leads to the arcade next door. 

“Oh, alright. Sorry.” Token shoots all of us an angry look then starts heading towards the arcade. The arcade is actually open and has been open so I’m not sure why we didn’t think of hanging out there in the first place.

The arcade is kind of shitty and there’s one person who works there. They pretty much just sit in the back corner at their desk and play on their phone. I tried applying for that job once because it's so fucking simple but they didn’t hire me. 

Assholes. 

Instead one of the goths work here. He literally sits in the back, flips his hair, and writes his emo ass poetry or whatever. What bullshit. I totally deserve that job. 

Tweek is pulling me towards the claw games with an ‘aw’. I glance over to see what he awwed over and I UNDERSTAND. HOLY SHIT THAT’S SO CUTE. 

“Mama Token! I need fifty cents!” I demand loudly. Token and Clyde walk over to us to see what I want. I hold my hand out to Token who rolls his eyes. 

“Use your own money you leech.”

“Oh come on, I don’t have change. An hour ago you were complaining about how you have to much change. Seriously. Please. I need it.” 

“What do you need Craig?” Clyde walks forward so his face is pressed to the glass of the machine. 

“T-The alien.” Tweek points out for me. 

I have this major weakness for aliens. I don’t call things cute but aliens I will very openly call cute. Aliens and guinea pigs. And maybe Tweek, just maybe.

“Fine. Jesus Craig. You helpless child.” Token hands over two shiny quarters and I push them into the game. 

Thirty seconds later I’ve lost. 

Token gives in and gives me two more quarters. Two more tries later Token’s out of quarters and I’m at the change machine to exchange all my dollars for quarters. Eight tries later I still haven’t gotten that stupid stuffed animal. 

It’s like since I can’t get it I want it even more. I need that stupid stuffed animal. I totally decked out Stripe the Third’s cage to look like a spaceship and this stuffed animal would be the perfect addition. 

I need it. 

I’m ready to kill over this stupid stuffed animal. But I still need enough money to pay for this stupid movie. 

“Dude just give up.” Clyde tells me. 

“Maybe come b-back for it?” Tweek suggests. The thing is though I’ve managed to pick up the alien. But every time the claw drops it. It’s so fucking close. In fact. I’m pretty sure you could reach up through the hole you pick up your prize and grab it…

“TWEEK REACH IN THERE AND GRAB IT.” I demand very seriously Tweek screams and runs away from me to stand behind Token. 

“Craig, let it go. For christs sake.” Token rolls his eyes. 

“N-No way man! I would g-get stuck.”

“You wouldn’t get stuck.” Clyde says with a scoff. “I’ve totally done that before.” 

“Clyde. Reach in there and grab it.” I demand. Like I’m fucking serious. I’m getting that stupid plushie. Clyde is staring at me looking a little scared. 

“Okay, yeah. Sure. Cool. I’ll do that.” Clyde kneels down and his arm disappears through the flap door. I watch through the glass as his arm bends up and reach towards the gray plush. His fingers brush against it. Holy shit. I think he can do it. 

I glance over to smile at Tweek but I notice a certain goth staring at us with a scowl. He’s on a phone I think? Huh. 

“Almost!” Clyde exclaims. His fingers are attempting to get a grip on the toy. 

I glance back over at the goth as the movie theater manager enters the arcade. 

Oh fuck. 

The thing is we’ve been kicked out of the movie theater before. The manager is fucking terrifying. Since the arcade and movie theater is so strongly affiliated I think the manager of the movie theater is the manager for the arcade too. So yeah, we’re screwed. 

“Hey I got it!” Clyde pulls the stuffed animal over the edge and it drops to the pick up area. I reach out and snatch it up quickly. Clyde is trying to get his arm out of the machine. 

“Fuck guys, we’ve got to run.” 

“Wait, what?” Clyde looks panicked. I’m pretty sure he’s like five seconds away from crying. 

“Run!” I exclaim again. Everyone looks over and sees the manager and understands. 

“Wait, you guys! My arm! My arm it’s stuck!” 

Yeah okay, so I’m definitely an asshole. Because I’m running. Clyde is still screaming after us but Token and Tweek is running too so I don’t feel like a total major asshole. 

“My arm!” Clyde will be fine. 

Probably. But hey, it’s his fault we’re missing this movie anyways. 

So yeah, episode 468 of Clyde’s a Screw Up: Clyde gets stuck in a claw machine.


	4. Coffee or Craig?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek hasn't had coffee for a week. He think he's going crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayeeee more to come soon. Come leave me your own requests and make sure to check out my Creek fic Macabre!

**anonymous asked:  
Oneshot where tweek gets his coffee removed for a week and see what happens**

 

It’s really hard to sleep. In fact I really kind of don’t sleep at all. Nope. No sleep for me. So lately my doctor has been trying to put me on several different sleep medication. By the end of this long month stretch of different medications it’s become apparent that none of this is going to work.

And so my doctor told me it’s time to stop drinking coffee. 

I mean, it makes sense, right? The twitchy kid who drinks gallons of coffee a day and can   
never sleep should just not drink coffee. 

I really didn’t want to stop drinking coffee but I also really want to sleep. In the end my desire for some sleep won over my immense love for coffee. 

Besides, they told me once I can start sleeping again I can slowly start drinking coffee again. So, I guess a week or two break from coffee is totally worth a relative normal sleeping pattern. 

But the thing is, I haven't slept in five days. It’s been five days since I’ve had a drop of coffee and I’m going crazy. Three hours of sleep in the last six days, nearly a fucking week, is not okay. What’s even worse is the fact that I still have school and work. 

Do you realize how cruel it is to make a coffee addict make coffee every day for other people? I mean, I know I get paid, but coffee. 

I miss it. It’s all I think about and crave. I’m not hungry or thirsty I just want that damn coffee. Maybe some sleep but even more importantly just - ugh. Coffee. The bitter rich taste… The warm comforting smoothness… It’s earthy smell…

“J-Jesus Christ!” My hands are pulling my hair and I actually forget that I’m in the middle of class. 

The entire classroom gets really quiet as everyone stares at me. I haven’t had an outburst in nearly five years so I bet it’s pretty damn surprising. I’m surprised. But also not.Because I haven’t slept, all I want is coffee and it’s not surprising. This no coffee, no sleep thing is really messing with my brain. And my brain is already messed up enough. 

Token is sitting next to me and he breaks the silence by raising his hand politely. Token is such a good student, actually he’s such a good person. It surprises me that he’s friends with Clyde, biggest dork ever; Craig, biggest asshole ever; and then me Tweek, biggest freak ever. 

Oh well. He’s our ‘Mama’ Token and he takes care of all us helpless babies. Or that’s what he calls us at least which we think is funny. It’s great too because Token’s mom kind of acts like all of our grandma. She’s like to cook for us and buy us weird but cool presents when she travels and yeah. 

Anyways, Token is raising his hand and the action brings my attention to Cartman who’s sitting a few rows back. Cartman has this evil grin and I think he’s going to come after me. Cartman is scary. He’s really scary. 

Hmm, coffee. 

You know it’s kind of hard to think straight. Everything is so distracting and-

“Can I take Tweek to the nurse?” Token is asking. Oh right. I had an outburst. I nearly forgot. Man I miss coffee. 

“Uh, sure.” This particular teacher is scared of me, I think. She’s young and new and so of course the crazy kid freaks her out. I think she’s afraid I’ll go crazy and shoot everyone up or something. Seriously I’d never do that though. I just want some coffee. Jesus. 

“Let’s go Tweek.” Token is tugging on my arm and pulling me after him. My body feels all sluggish and like it’s not attached to me. My mind though is going crazy. My head is kind of all over the place. Like I keep getting distracted by the ugly ass posters hanging in the school hallway and I keep thinking about how nice Token is. But I also just want to laugh. But I really want coffee.

Maybe I need some sleep? Nah, coffee works. Who needs sleep when you have coffee?

I don’t even realize I’m clinging to Token until he has to grab my arm and drag me up to standing up right. I was starting to slouch over. My body is definitely more tired than I am. “Fuck Tweek, I think you need a nap. Why don’t you go take a nap at the nurses?” 

“But T-Token. I can’t. I c-can’t sleep at all. I think I n-need coffee.” Token is a stubborn fucker and he’s been really good about keeping me away from coffee.

“Sorry man, I know you want coffee. Your doctor said no coffee, remember? How about some tea instead?” I whimper because tea is nice and all but it isn’t coffee. I just want coffee. 

I don’t even care what kind of coffee. Cheap shitty folgers, cafe americano, a girly ass pumpkin spice latte; seriously I’ll take anything and everything. Give me some espresso shots and I will be happy. God, please cut me so slack. 

Ugh. 

“I don’t want t-tea.” I sound like a whiny little child but I am a whiny little child so I don’t care. 

By now we’ve reached the nurses and she’s not even here. But at least I’m not in class. Class sounds like glass which makes me think of glasses. Token has glasses but he wears contacts. I’m glad I don’t need glasses because contacts are scary. They’re little thingies that go ON YOUR FREAKING EYE. Just. Ah. 

“Why don’t you go lay down on one of the beds Tweek?” 

“But I don’t want to lay down.” Token laughs at me and pushes me gently towards the thing awful cots that are in the very back of the room, behind the ugly ass curtain. 

“You sound exhausted dude, I can barely understand you. Seriously just try to sleep. I’m going to go back to class okay?” I wave Token off and sit down on one of the beds. 

I just want coffee. Man, I don’t even want coffee I need coffee. Oh god. I’m going to die.

I lay down reluctantly because I’m pretty sure there’s all kind of germs on this bed. I close my eyes but instead of seeing black I see those weird looking stars you sometimes see when you close your eyes. All these little specks are shooting and dancing and I think I’m actually just seeing things. 

I keep tapping my fingers on the loud crunchy mattress and the sound is an ugly reminder that I’m still awake. I try to count some sheep. But sheep kind of freak me out so I count seahorses instead because while they’re creepy they’re also kind of cute. But seahorses make me think of spongebob and spongebob leads to Craig because yesterday we watched the new Spongebob movie. 

Craig hated the movie but I liked it. Craig also gets all hispter-ish when it comes to movies. He’s possessive and only likes weird indie movies that I think are too serious. I just like all movies because they’re cool. I could never make a movie so I admire people who can. Craig could make movies I bet, maybe that’s why he’s so stuck up about it. Craig likes movies and filming things. He’s really good at it too. 

Hmm it’s almost like I can hear Craig right now. And coffee. Oh god I can practically smell it. I guess I just miss both Craig and Coffee. Once Craig asked me if I liked him or coffee more. His question just made me laugh and he assumed it meant I like coffee more. 

I think I like Craig more. But don’t tell him that, he kind of has a fat ego.Or at least he does when he’s around me. Man the sound of Craig’s voice calling out to me is getting louder and the smell of coffee stronger. I think I’m just going crazy. Maybe I’m dying and hallucinating or something. No sleep can probably kill you so it makes sense. 

“Dude, Tweek, I know you’re awake. Stop ignoring me you asshat.” Wait- 

“Cr-Craig!” I shoot up and open my eyes because I guess I’m not crazy. Craig just happens to be in the room holding a coffee. 

Oh fuck. Coffee. 

“W-What are you d-doing here?” That coffee is so close. 

“I saw you and Token walking by the classroom. Figured you were coming here.” Craig is just standing there holding that stupid coffee that I’d almost kill him for. Just almost. 

“Oh.” It almost looks likes Craig is trying to hand me the coffee but he wouldn’t do that, he knows better. 

“Are you going to take this coffee or not? It’s really fucking hot.”

 

“J-Jesus! I’m not allowed to drink c-coffee!”

 

“So?” Craig jerks the coffee closer to me. “Screw the doctor. He’s fucking dumb.”

“W-What! He’s not dumb. H-He’s a doctor. Doctor’s are s-smart.” 

“Well you need coffee so drink it. I said so.” I don’t know why Craig thinks that everytime he says that he said so I’ll comply. I guess it’s probably because everytime he says I said so I give in and do it. 

Besides, this is coffee we’re talking about. 

I’ve been a wired crazy mess all week over that stupid beautiful, amazing drink.Oh god. I need it.

I snatch the drink from Craig and instantly tip it back into my mouth. 

“Hey, dumbass! That’s hot. Fuck.” I flip off Craig, which is something I like to do because he always flips me off so it’s only fair that I flip him off too. Craig scoffs and I continue to drink the liquid. It is hot. It’s so hot my tongue is throbbing and I can’t really taste it but I can taste it. 

It’s comforting, perfection and just plain out agalghal. This is what I needed. 

In like three seconds I’ve drain it all and the endless awful tremors that had been going through me all week stops and I can actually think. 

“C-Craig you were right.” I did just need coffee. 

“I’m always right.” There’s Craig and his stupid ego. “Now let’s go.”

“W-Where are we going?” Craig grabs my hand and pulls me off the bed. 

“We’re ditching.” We end up walking back to Craig’s house and we instantly go downstairs to his basement to watch movies that Craig deem acceptable. 

Five minutes into the movie I fall asleep. 

Craig probably thinks it’s because of the coffee but I don’t think so.


	5. Remember when...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek wonders why Craig won't just look at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: feels may ensue 
> 
> (and still taking requests)

**anonymous asked:  
For the one shot thing,Creek with rip your heart out angst. Does this make me a horrible person for requesting this?**

 

I wake up to Craig clutching me close. My pillow is being gripped in his arms and so I have no choice but to lie as close to him as possible. It’s that or give up my pillow. I don’t mind though. I like cuddling with Craig, it’s one of my favorites. I know he loves it too, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. 

Craig is already awake when I open my eyes. His pretty blue eyes are staring over my head blankly. He doesn’t really look like he slept. His eyes are red and his bags are so bad they rival my own. 

“Craig, b-baby, what are you doing?” 

Craig makes a little grunting noise and pulls my pillow closer. My head is being pressed tightly against his chest. Craig still seems unhappy but this closeness makes me giggle. I wrap my arms around his stomach and I hold him close. 

“H-Have you slept?” I think he’s ignoring my question. Craig does that a lot. He ignores questions he doesn’t feel like answering. 

“Mmhmm, I love you.” His voice is thick and droopy and his words kind of slur together. He sounds really sleepy. This role reversal is kind of strange. Is this what it feels like to be the one who gets a good night's sleep just to wake up and comfort their lover? 

“I love you to you giant b-buffoon.” His arms hold me tighter so I hold him back just as tightly. 

I slept so well last night. I feel bad. I usually don’t sleep very well but I feel like I’ve slept all I’ll ever need to last night. I feel great. And now Craig can’t sleep. My poor baby. I raise my hands to play with his short black hair and he lets out a little whimpering noise. 

“It feels like just yesterday when I asked you out. God. I was so embarrassed but Clyde was a pushy asshole and he made me do it. Just the day before you were talking about how if someone was ever going to ask you out it has to be super cute and romantic.” 

Craig makes this strangled scoffing noise that’s halfway between a sigh and a laugh. Craig still seems sad so I laugh for him.

“And it’s f-funny because I was joking. But then when we were at m-my house you ordered that stupid pizza.” I can’t help but laugh again because I just love this story. “Y-You asked them to write on the inside of the pizza box.” Craig snorts half heartedly. 

“Will you be my boyfriend or is this too cheesy?” Craig mutters in my ear. He half chuckles but his voice hitches. I stop petting his hair to wrap my arms around his neck. I lift my face and burry it in the crook of his neck. I press a kiss to Craig’s neck that makes him sigh. 

“You made me cry.”

“I made you cry.” He repeats after me. I sit up slightly so I can see his face. He smiles weakly but he still looks so sad. “But you said yes.” 

“I did say yes. You got so a-angry when I told you that I was k-kidding about wanting something stupidly big and r-romantic. But I like it. Holidays are m-my favorite. I never t-thought you’d be the cheesy romantic type. R-Remember h-how all the guys would tease y-you?” I think back to our first valentine's day. Craig goes all out on cheesy coupley things I think just to tease me. 

“And when I asked you to marry me.” Craig hums but he still sounds so sad. Why is he so sad?

“Yes, b-baby.” I like calling Craig baby because he is my baby. “T-The picture is right there.” 

Craig is already staring straight ahead at the picture on the nightstand. He’s been staring at it this entire time. “You kept calling me so fucking clever. I kept telling you I just got it off the internet.” 

I laugh hard because I remember that. He was embarrassed that I kept flattering him. Craig doesn’t take flattery very well. 

“Well it was clever. R-Remember how I screamed w-when I the picture finished printing at the p-photo booth?” I giggle and Craig smiles weakly. I’m glad he’s smiling. “You had d-distracted me with a kiss! I didn’t see y-you holding up the p-paper asking me to marry you! So w-when I picked up the picture and in the l-last box there y-you were. You asked m-me to marry you.”

“You said yes.” Craig finishes for me. I smile and press a kiss to his forehead. His eyes weakly flicker in my direction but his pretty blue eyes refuse to meet mine. Instead they fall back to the picture frame. “And I made you cry again.” 

“I g-guess I cry a lot when I’m emotional.” 

“You’d always say you have to cry for the both of us because I don’t cry enough.” I smile but Craig’s words make me feel kind of sad. Craig doesn’t cry enough. He doesn’t show his feelings enough. His father always told him boys shouldn’t be emotional. His father also told him that boys don’t kiss other boys. 

“I-It’s okay to cry.” I whisper these words softly to him. He still looks so sad. I try not to but I gasp when I see tears well in Craig’s eyes. “Oh Craig b-baby. You’re going to make m-me cry.” 

It’s not the first time I’ve seen Craig cry but seeing other people sad always makes me sad.   
“We were going to get m-married.” Craig whispers. His voice finally chokes off and tears break free from their prison and cascade down his perfect little face. 

I press my palms against his cheek but he still refuses to look at me. He’s still staring at the photo strip that was his proposal. 

“We are g-going to get married. C-Craig, baby, please l-look at me.” These are words Craig would often say to me that made me feel better. I hope by using them on the noirette it would fill him with the same sweet relief it’d give me. 

“God Tweek. I miss you so fucking much.” 

“C-Craig.” There’s tears running down my own cheeks now. I sit up fully and try to shake his shoulders. “C-Craig look at m-me. I’m right here. I’m s-sorry. Don’t cry. I love you. L-Look at me. D-Don’t be sad. C-Craig!” 

His pretty blue eyes refuse to acknowledge me. He presses my pillow against his face. 

His tears don’t stop. 

“I love you. Oh god I love you, Tweek.” Craig is starting to cry even harder. “I love you Tweek.” He starts repeating those three special words followed by my name in some sacred ritualistic chant. Each repeated word is a desperate plea and caress all at once. 

He still won’t look at me. 

“C-Craig. Stop. P-Please. Stop. I’m right here. I love you. C-Craig. Look at me.” It’s getting hard to talk because I can’t stop shaking and I’m crying. 

I love him so much but he won’t look at me. Why won’t he look at me? 

“I l-love you Tweek.” 

Oh wait. That’s right. 

I killed myself forty two days ago.


	6. Craig the Troll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek doesn't understand why Craig comes into the shop just to order hot chocolate. Maybe he's a troll?

**jesus-kun asked:  
I am kinda over-saturated with the concept of Tweek being a little weakling in need to be protected, so if you could write anything where Tweek is still a paranoid little twitch but he's not socially awkward? :D You can combine it with any prompt you get :) Thank you :)**

**Combined with-  
worldismyne: Craig messing with Tweek at work by ordering hot chocolate when all the shop sells is coffee, and Tweek just can’t understand why this kid comes in every week when he doesn’t ever order anything on the menu. **

I like regulars. Regulars make work so much easier. They tend to be nice and they’re used to my not-so-normal behavior. Regulars don’t call me awful names. Regulars always order the same thing. Regulars are constant and easy. 

But, there’s one new regular I don’t like. 

His name is Craig Tucker.

I only know his name because I had English with him last year and the teacher always yelled at him. But now stuff like school doesn’t even matter because we graduated. I thought most of our graduating class ran straight out of South Park but I guess not. I guess I’m not the only one cursed to live out their days in this ho dunk town. 

Craig Tucker is kind of cold and silent but that’s not why I don’t like him. I don’t like him because he orders hot chocolate. 

Every. Single. Day. 

First things first, this is a coffee shop. A freaking coffee shop man! We make coffee, and the occasional pastry. Hot chocolate is not on the menu. Coffee is on the menu. 

Either way every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I heat up a giant cup of milk and mix in chocolate syrup and call it hot chocolate.

I can’t imagine it’s very good. Every time this kid comes in and orders that same stupid drink I always try to convince him not to get it. 

“You know i-it’s an overpriced chocolate milk. I l-literally just threw it in the microwave.” 

“Wow, I literally don’t care.”

Or,

“Y-You know Harbucks across the street m-makes actual hot chocolate.” 

“Shut up and take my money idiot.” 

Or,

“You know, how a-about try a Mocha? I-It’s pretty much hot chocolate flavored coffee.”

“You know, how about you just make my hot chocolate already.” 

Yeah, I think you get the point. Three times a week this cursed giant comes in and orders that cursed hot chocolate and it drives me insane. Because after he gets his drink he goes and sits in the back corner of the shop and drinks his hot chocolate while doing something on his phone. 

I think he’s secretly just after me.

I catch him staring at me a lot, but he always looks away when I notice. I have several theories as to what he wants with me. My biggest theory is that he’s out to kill me because I’m actually kind of friends with his two best friends and he doesn’t like that. But his friends are off at college now anyways! Craig and I might have been friends way back in elementary school but I think we got into a huge fight or something.

I can’t really remember. 

My other theory is that he want’s to sell me off to slavery. My parents always told me I’d make a good slave and often threatened to sell me off. My next theory is that Craig is a vampire and he wants my blood because I have that one blood type that’s more rare than the others. I actually have a lot more theories and I tried telling them to Jimmy over skype once but he told me I’m probably overthinking things. 

Okay there’s no probably in that sentence, he told me I’m being paranoid. But I’m always paranoid so there’s no helping that. I like Jimmy because he’s also stuck in South Park and as two kids with ‘issues’ he understands me in ways that sometimes my other friends don’t. 

Unfortunately today is a Tuesday. And it’s nearly one in the afternoon and that means Craig will be here any second. Oh wait, there he is. He’s walking straight to the front doors and as he pushes them open his blue eyes lock onto my own greenish brown ones. People say my eyes are hazel but I think my eyeballs are just confused. 

“Welcome to Tweek. B-Bros. What can I get you?” I know I don’t sound very welcoming like I’m supposed to but I think this just kind of amused Craig. I’m pretty sure he knows that he’s been freaking me out for the last month and a half. Maybe he’s a sadist and just likes to see me suffer. I’ve had a lot, lot, lot of coffee today so I’m pretty hyper and it almost makes me want to challenge him to a fight. 

But not actually. I don’t want to fight him. I think he’d probably win. He’s taller than me now so I’m pretty sure that gives him an advantage. Plus he always wears this baggy blue jacket that kind of hides his physique so I’m not risking accidentally challenging a bodybuilder to a fight because I was to dumb not to realize that he indeed is a body builder. I don't think he's a bodybuilder but I want really ever know. 

“Do you really need to ask?” I stare at Craig in silence for a few moments because I’ve gotten so wrapped into the idea of fighting him that I forgot that I asked what he wants. 

“It’s protocol. I h-have to ask or I’ll get fired.” Actually my parents own the shop and no one’s even in here right now so I think I'll be okay. But still. Do I really want to risk that? No. I don’t. Jesus. 

“Well Tweek, I think I’d like a hot chocolate.” Craig sounds kind of condescending and challenging. Maybe I should fight him. But Dr. Norris always said that violence is not the answer. Okay but I still don’t actually want to fight him.

“Well C-Craig, m-may I suggest you take a closer look at our m-menu and reevaluate that choice?” The black haired not-quite-a-teen-but-actually-a-young-grown-up scoffed and flipped me off. I’m not actually that offended that he flipped me off because he flips everyone off. I watched him flip off his sister at the grocery store last week and then three seconds later he flipped off his own mom. They all flipped him off right back. 

“Hmm, well what would you suggest, Tweek?” 

“Well y-you know I still stand by my suggestion of a mocha. The s-seasonal peppermint mochas are p-pretty good.” 

“Wow Tweek, that’s a pretty good idea!” I’m so surprised to hear that from him that I actually start choking on my own spit. “I think I’ll actually order a peppermint hot chocolate.” 

Of course.

I finally manage to calm down my coughing just to reluctantly ring up his order on the cash register. I think Craig is like one of those internet trolls but instead of the internet he trolls real life. Most of all he trolls me. 

“Why do you always order h-hot chocolate?” I finally ask out of impulse. I’m still really hyper and jittery from all that coffee. The several,several, several cookies I ate also probably didn’t help. 

“Coffee is nasty.” I almost yell at him for calling coffee nasty because coffee is not nasty. But he’s the customer. 

“Well that’ll be four twenty-five.” 

“What’s your favorite coffee?” This can’t be good. I feel like Craig’s gonna troll me all over again.

“Hazelent M-Macchiato.” 

“Get me a large one of those too then.” I tell Craig the total owed and after he pays I start making the drinks.

Craig hovers at the front counter while I brew the drinks and it makes me very uncomfortable. He openly stares at me and I try my hardest to pretend he's not there. Luckily considering I'm really only making one coffee and some hot milk it doesn't take very long. 

I slide the drinks on the counter and push them towards the taller person. 

“Can I borrow your marker.” His question isn't really a question but more of a demand. I reluctantly hand over the inking device. I watch confused as he uncaps it and starts writing something on the macchiato. Once he's finished he sets down the marker and picks up his hot chocolate and starts leaving the shop.

“Hey! You left your coffee!” Craig just flips me off and continues on his merry way. Of course the one time he orders coffee he'd leave it behind. He's such a troll. 

With a groan I pick up the coffee to see what he wrote on it.

_Movies. 7 PM. Date. Be there or be square._


	7. A Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig gets jealous.

**anonymous asked:  
hiiii could you pls write some jealous craig ??? obvs for tweek, i love jealous craig plsss thank you !! **

 

God damnit, Tweek is being really fucking slow. It always takes Twee three minutes to meet me in front of our lockers and it’s been five minutes and he’s not here. I’m not trying to be a controlling asshole of a boyfriend or anything but I hate school and I count down the seconds until I can leave this hell hole. 

Tweek is usually the same way. We rush to meet up at our lockers and head straight back to my house to watch our daily dose of red racer. This is just how we always do things. And now he’s not here. And I’m ready to go home. And Red Racer starts in fifteen minutes. 

God damnit.

I can’t help but worry that something happened to Tweek. The blonde just managed to attract trouble. Once before school he wasn’t texting me back and I was outside his house waiting for him for a solid fifteen minutes before I finally went inside in search for him. It turns out he got his hair stuck in the door hinges of his bathroom door. I found him in his towel with tears in his eyes. We had to cut his hair out and we were half an hour late to school. 

I feel like it’s justified for me to constantly worry about him after that incident. 

I’m pulling out my phone when I finally catch sight of Tweek. I’m happy and pretty relieved to see him but I’m also not enthusiastic to see who’s walking by his side. 

Kenny McCromick. 

Kenny’s alright. I mean when you need weed or alcohol he can always hook you up but besides that he’s a nosy, touchy fucker. I like neither nosy nor touchy people so he’s just one of those people I tolerate. Also Tweek is actually friends with him. Don’t ask me why. So I really have to tolerate him. 

Kenny is carrying Tweek’s textbooks and they’re walking awfully close together. Tweek is waving his hands around as he talks, which is something he always does when he’s super excited. It’s one of my favorite things about Tweek, and it’s also something he usually does only around me. 

Tweek is so invested into whatever him and Kenny are talking about that he doesn't even seem to notice me. He’s walking a few steps in front of Kenny so he has to turn and look over his shoulder as he talks. 

Tweek should really watch where-

And he’s tripping.

I start to dart forward to try and catch him but Kenny has already beat me to it. He manages to shuffle all of Tweek’s books into one arm and then use his free hand to reach out and snatch Tweek. 

Show off. 

Fuck. 

Tweek just gives off his little nervous laugh of his where he smiles sheepishly and his shoulders shake as he brings one hand to cover half his face all shyly. Tweek laughs like that around me all the time. 

Okay, but seriously, has Tweek even noticed me yet? His boyfriend? Seriously. 

“Oh, m-man! Jesus. Thanks K-Ken.” Okay, really, Ken? Tweek is calling Kenny Ken now? Who the hell needs a nickname for their nickname? Only pretentious dirtbags have a nickname for their nickname.

What the actual fuck. 

“No problem Tweekers.” 

Again, what the actual fuck? I call Tweek Tweekers, other people do not call Tweek Tweekers. 

Kenny’s stupid blue eyes move to meet mine. He’s smiling with that stupid easy going smile of his. “So, Tweekers, we still going over to your house, right?” 

“Y-Yeah, of course! I’m so excited. You’re going to l-love this episode. I can’t believe y-you’ve never seen it! P-Pinkie Pie used to kind of freak me out b-but now I really like her.”

Wait- Pinkie Pie? Are they seriously talking about My Little Pony? I know Tweek loves that show. Something about how everyone is so nice and positive and they always work together to make things better. I don’t know. Tweek just likes perfect world kind of shows. 

I’ve tried watching it with him before but it really weirds me out. Like isn’t this a show six year old girls watch or whatever? I always managed to fall asleep when we watch it so eventually Tweek gave up and he watches it on his own now.

Well he’s supposed to watch it alone. Watching it with Kenny, though? Like hell does Kenny like My Little Pony. What is that bastard up to?

 

“Really? Aweosme! I’m excited.” Kenny glances at me and his smirk just widens. He very casually slings his arm over Tweek’s shoulder. “Maybe we should just marathon it. It is Friday after all. We can just stay up all night!”

Tweek gets super fucking excited at this idea. He grins like none other. “Y-Yeah! That’s a great idea! I can g-get my mom to make some cookies too. Cookies and c-coffee.” What, nooo, his mom makes me and Tweek cookies and coffee. That’s our thing. 

“It’s a date.”Kenny winks at Tweek but I think it’s more directed at me.

“Yeah, it’s a d-date!” Tweek giggles and finally he looks over at me. His smile lessens a little. “Oh hey Craig.” He sounded so neutral. What the fuck. He sounded so animated and excited when talking to Kenny. 

“Hi,” I manage to spit out through clenched teeth. Because, I mean really. Really?

“Ken and I a-are gonna go to my house and w-watch My Little Pony.” Tweek starts opening his locker but it takes him a while. He doesn’t trust school locks so he put two of his own combo locker locks on it. With his constant shaking thought it always takes him a while. 

“I heard.”

“I’ll see you t-tomorrow then?” Tweek asks, glancing at me briefly. Kenny’s leaning against the locker next to Tweek. They’re standing awfully fucking close. Goddamnit. 

“We were going to watch Red Racer.”

“Yeah but we w-watch Red Racer every day. We’ll watch some t-tomorrow.” Tweek gives me a little smile. I do not want Tweek hanging out with one Kenny McCormick all fucking night. God fucking damnit. 

“I want to watch My Little Pony too.” I finally spit out out of impulse. I don’t want to watch that stupid show but even more I don’t want to watch those two blondes walk off together. 

God fucking damnit. 

“Huh? Really? Craig you d-don’t like MLP.” 

“Yeah, well maybe I do now.” Kenny looks like he’s about to laugh. Tweek shoves his stuff into his locker then launches himself at me. 

He quickly hugs me and then pulls back. He’s smiling even bigger than he did with Kenny and it fills me with smug pride. 

“R-Really? So you’ll marathon with us all night?” God fucking damnit.

“Yeah Tweek, all night.”

“Oh!” Kenny suddenly gasps. He’s wearing a shit eating grin but when Tweek looks at him he frowns. “You know what Tweek, I just remembered there’s something super important going on tonight. I don’t think I can come over.” 

Wait-

“Oh n-no, really?” Kenny nods solemnly. Tweek sighs then shrugs. “Oh well, maybe another t-time. It’s alright, Craig w-will watch it all night with me!” 

Wait-

“Wow, Tweek, you’re right!” Kenny gasps and grins at me. “Alright, I gotta get going, see ya Tweekers!” Kenny waves, turns and leaves. 

Wait-

Tweek locks his locker shut and turns to me with that same huge grin. He reaches out and grabs my hand. 

“Are you excited C-Craig? I am.” Tweek keeps talking as he leads me towards his house but my mind is still trying to catch up with what just happened. 

And then it hits me. 

“Kenny, you bastard!” 

So that’s how I ended up being tricked into watching My Little Pony for thirteen hours straight on a sacred Friday night. FML.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed something for Tweek and Kenny to be talking about and instantly thought of MLP. I couldn't resist. I'm sorry c: (I'm not sorry)


	8. Clyde Vines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde forces the gang into his Vining shenanigans

“Tweek, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Don’t interrupt him Craig!” 

“Clyde, what the fuck are you making Tweek do.”

“It’s for the vine!”

“Ngh! Too m-much pressure!” 

“Oh shit!” 

We all watch in horror as the jumbo sized coffee thermos gets flung into the air before it hits the ground, spraying coffee everywhere. Tweek is already screaming in horror, Clyde is laughing hysterically, and Token shakes his head sadly as he records it all. I can’t believe they managed to cause this much chaos in the three minutes I was in the bathroom. 

Tweek’s pathetic attempt at the ‘Cup Song’ did not go well but this disastrous vine got six thousand loops apparently and started Clyde’s new unhealthy addiction: Vining. 

xxx

It’s been two weeks since Clyde started this whole vining thing and I’m about ready to shoot myself. It’s been two weeks of hell as Clyde forces all of us do the most idiotic things. And today in episode 274 of Clyde’s a Screw Up, I’m watching him duct tape bubble wrap all over his body. 

Apparently Clyde thinks it’s a good idea to try and slide on his stomach like a penguin down the side of a fucking mountain or whatever. 

“I’ll be fine as long as I wear bubble wrap!” He so firmly claims. I call total bullshit and so does Token. I think Tweek is the only one who thinks bubble wrap can actually keep someone safe. Clyde offered a bubble wrap suit to Tweek too and the blonde seemed to be actually considering it before I said no for him. 

Clyde just wants to get everyone killed I guess. But that’s nothing new.

“Remind me again what the point of this vine is.” 

“I’m going to slide down on my stomach while the song ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ plays!” Clyde has just finished putting on his suit and Token is forcing the brunette to put on a helmet. 

“You’re sliding on your stomach. How is that ‘I Believe I can Fly’? There’s got nothing to do with flying in that entire scenario.” 

“You just don’t get it Craig.” 

“I think you’re just an idiot.”

“No Craig, you just don’t get it. You’ll never understand a true Viners head. I’m so sorry.” Clyde shakes his head all solemnly like he’s pitying me or some shit. 

With how dumb Clyde can be I’m surprised he’s not the blonde of the group. Thank fucking god Tweek isn’t that dumb. Holy fucking shit. 

“H-How long will this take?” Tweek asks in his usual jittery manner. 

“Not long! I’m just about ready.” Clyde is pulling on his gloves and tightening his blue scarf. 

“You almost out of Coffee, Tweek?” Token asks. Tweek nods and Token loosely points over his shoulder towards his fancy ass car. “I filled an extra thermos for you. It’s in the back.” Tweek makes some gratifying noise before he scampers off for his refil. 

“Is the camera ready?” Clyde asks me. I glance down at the shitty camera in my hand and turn it on.

“Is now.” 

“You got the other camera ready?” Clyde asks Token. Token nods and Clyde makes a cheering noise. “Alright!” I watch as Clyde flops down to his stomach ungracefully. A couple of the bubbles pop. Clyde grins over his shoulder and gives us a thumb up. 

And with that he’s off. 

The slope is actually pretty steep and Clyde picks up speed really fucking quickly. Clyde is screaming in a way that he seems to be having fun. It’s actually pretty goddamn impressive how fast he’s going. 

“I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYY-AAAH!” 

The next thing that happens is pretty god damn magical. 

“Holy shit!”

“J-Jesus Christ!”

“Oh fuck!”

Clyde flies. The fucker actually manages to fly. He hits some rock or something and the angle of it all sends him into the air. Clyde is screaming bloody murder and he’s not in the air for long but fuck. He managed to actually fly. 

I was almost starting to think this wasn’t as dumb of an idea as I had thought until Clyde suddenly disappears from sight. 

Like he literally just disappeared. He was just about to hit the ground one second and the next he’s missing. All at once once there’s a pretty loud popping noise and then in the distance we can hear his grunts. 

“Holy shit! Clyde, you alright?” Token is taking off down the slope. 

“A-Aw man! J-Jesus! He’s missing. He’s g-gone Craig!” Tweek is tugging on my arm and I can’t help but start laughing. God Clyde is a dumbass. 

He’s probably fine. He’s done worse shit and survived soo…

“Oh man he’s d-dead!” Tweek tugs on my arm and starts dragging me down the hill, after Token who’s still running ahead in search of Clyde. 

Token reaches the spot Clyde disappeared and Tweek screams as Token disappears too. Unfortunately Tweek’s scream kind of startled me, causing me to slip. Slipping led to sliding and pretty soon I was practically sledding down the snow until I fell into the same ditch Token and Clyde fell into. 

I landed on Clyde’s fatass who screams in ‘utter pain’ as he’d describe it. Token is laughing and I start laughing and I managed to get it all on camera. Tweek is screaming in panic from above us and a few seconds later his face appears over the edge looking panicked. 

The ditch is a good eight feet deep or so and Tweek is really starting to panic. Tweek gets kind of clumsy when he panics. So of course he falls in. Alright, no biggie. I guess. Clyde won’t stop crying and keeps saying his arm hurts. Whatever. But then there’s the fact that we CAN’T GET OUT OF THE FUCKING DITCH. It’s not that deep but everytime we try to climb out the snow and ice manages to make us slip back in. 

So yeah. In episode 274 of Clyde’s a Screw Up: Clyde flies, we get stuck in a ditch for an entire hour, and Clyde learns to never vine again (considering he broke an arm and all).


	9. Thomas Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek is positive Craig is going to dump him for Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: For those of you who don’t know I’m taking requests! I take any/all South Park prompts/pairings etc. so go ahead and leave an ask on my tumblr (http://errorunknownuser.tumblr.com/) page or comment below with a South Park oneshot you’d like to see! BUT I have 13 requests right now so I’ll stop accepting requests after Monday 12/21/15 so I can get back to focusing on my Creek fic Macabre (http://archiveofourown.org/works/5094140/chapters/11714942) (feel free to check it out ;););) ) SO make sure to send in any/all requests by then!

**anonymous asked:  
Can you do a one shot where Tweek gets insecure about Craig's friendship with Thomas (the tourettes kid)? **

Honestly there’s a lot of reasons why I love summer. First of all, there’s no school and school is a _lot_ of pressure. Second, I get to work more. A lot of people think it’s weird that I actually like my job at Tweek Bros but I think it’s pretty relaxing. My third favorite thing about summer is the fact that there’s so much more time available to be spent with my friends. 

Namely Craig, who’s a special kind of friend, if you get what I mean. As in he’s my boyfriend. Yeah.. Jesus, it’s still strange to think about considering this whole thing is pretty new. Like, two months new. 

There’s only one thing I don’t really like about summer and it goes by the name of Thomas. Thomas is nice and all, I actually _like_ him but so does my boyfriend. The two weeks Thomas visits always mean I’ll be seeing minimal Craig. 

Ah, man! I mean Craig can do whatever he wants but what if he decides that he likes Thomas more than he likes me? Jesus Christ, it’s so much pressure. 

Just think about it. Thomas is taller than me, more attractive, cooler, funner, nicer and he cusses all the time! Craig thinks he’s sooo cool. Then there’s little old spazzy me. Oh god. I don’t know what I would do if Craig broke up for me for Thomas. I don’t think Craig and I could even be friends anymore if that happened! And then I wouldn’t be friends with Clyde or Token and I’d have to be friends with Stan and all of them again! Oh man. And so much-

“Tweek!” 

-bad things happen when those four are around. I could seriously get killed around them.

“Tweek!”

I could get killed in such awful crazy ways. It could totally happen. Once they got Craig stuck in Peru! Jesus Christ. And then there’s that one time when I was friends with them and I shot a freaking bazooka! Holy shit man. I’ll get killed. I can’t die!

“Tweek!” Large clammy hands are gripping at my own and pulling them away from what they held. “Why the fuck are you pulling your hair? Dude. Relax, you’re fine. What are you freaking out over now?” 

I hadn’t even realized I was pulling my hair. That’s how freaked out I got. Jesus. Oh man, I never pull my hair anymore! 

“Ngh! N-Nothing!” I know I can’t tell Craig my worries. He’ll either get annoyed or laugh at me. Craig’s weird like that. 

“Hey, Tweekers, seriously relax. You’re okay, alright?” Craig holds my hands tightly and stares at me expectantly, waiting for my reply. I nod firmly and Craig smiles. “Awesome. Man, I wonder where Thomas is. He’s supposed to be here any second! You excited Tweekers?” I nod with a shy smile but really I’m hesitant.

Craig rarely gets this excited. Last time I saw him this excited is when they made a movie for Red Racer last year and that’s Red Racer. Red Racer, space, and Guinea Pigs are Craig’s true love. There’s no denying it. 

I try to take a relaxing sip of coffee but I’m panicked to see that it’s empty. 

There’s nothing left. Oh man. First I’ll have to hang out with Craig when he’s around Thomas and now I’m out of coffee. This can’t be good. Oh man. What do I do?

I must have made some whimpering noise, which is something I apparently do often, and Craig notices. He runs a hand through my hair and snatches my thermos from me. He shakes it and realizes my problem.

“They have a coffee machine inside, why don’t you go fill up? I’ll just wait here for Thomas, okay?” 

“A-Alright.” I take my thermos and head inside the bus station. Unfortunately I quickly discover that the pot of coffee is empty. I’m so desperate for coffee I harass the lady behind the desk to start brewing another pot and eventually she gives in.

I stand off to the side looking through the large pane windows and watch Craig. 

The pot of coffee is just starting to drip the sweet black liquid when bus 307 arrives and one blonde haired Thomas steps out. An annoying sharp pain hits me in my chest as my boyfriend enthusiastically hugs his friend. 

Thomas moved away from south park years ago and he grew apart from all of our classmates, except Craig. I mean, Thomas is nice but is he really that great?

_Wait! No Tweek! Don’t be jealous. Craig doesn’t like jealous. It’s just his friend. Jesus Christ!_

The two boys are talking enthusiastically and I wish I was outside to hear what they’re talking about. Instead I’m standing inside waiting for this stupid coffee to brew. Ugh. 

Craig is grinning so widely I swear his face could like burst or something. That’s a terrifying thought too because I really like Craig and all but I don’t know if I could date someone who’s face is just all ripped and bloody and stuff!

Oh man. I really hope his face doesn’t burst.

Thomas is laughing and he puts a hand on Craig’s arm as he bends down to laugh even harder. I watch as the two calm down. Craig then says something that makes Thomas laugh softly and smile. Next my boyfriend bends down and picks up Thomas’ suitcase. 

For a moment I’m terrified that they’ve forgotten about me and are going to leave but instead they just carry the bag to the bench and sit down. They continue to talk all happily and what not.

The moment the coffee finishes I fill up my thermos and run outside. 

Thomas is in the middle of telling some story that’s making Craig laugh so hard there’s tears in his eyes. I run up to the two eagerly but they don’t seem to really notice me, they’re both so distracted by each other. 

“-ah SHIT!- and then they just ate it!” Craig just starts laughing so much harder that he actually snorts. Craig! Snorting! It’s painfully adorable and all thanks to Thomas. Oh man. Craig is definitely going to pick Thomas over me.

Oh man. Jesus. I’m going to get dumped. Any second now. Any second-

“Oh man, that’s fucking hilarious Thomas.” Craig shakes his head and glances up to my smile at me. “Tweek, there you are! Get over here.” Craig holds out his arms and gestures for me to come up to him. 

I swallow and brace myself for the inevitable.

_Tweek, it’s been great and all but… Or, I’m dumping you, Thomas is soooo much cooler… Or maybe, Get outta here Tweek! I’m choosing Thomas over you. Thomas, I chose you! AH-SHIT-CHUU._

Oh man. Craig wouldn’t even pick me as his pokemon. Oh man. 

I slowly walk towards Craig. Thomas has turned to grin at me. “Hey, SHIT, Tweek.”

Craig stands up as I get to him and I close my eyes, just waiting. 

Instead I feel long arms reach around me and yank me against a clothed chest. I open my eyes to stare into a blue hoodie. Craig pats my back and spins me around, holding my back against his chest. He sits there and idly pats my shoulder, forcing me to lean side to side slightly. It’s one of Craig’s usual dorky habits.   
“Hey Thomas, did I ever tell you I finally asked Tweek out? I followed your advice and he actually said yes!”

“COCK! A-Awesome! I’m happy for you man! S-SHIT!” Craig squeezes my shoulders. 

“Yepp, and it’s all thanks to dude. You hear that, Tweek?”

_Oh._

Okay, well maybe this summer won’t be that bad after all.


	10. My Pet Cat Twek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig volunteers him and Tweek to babysit so that they can pay rent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I now officially have 17 more requests to do. OH BOY. That’s a LOT. — (also) For those of you who don’t know I’m STILL taking requests! There's only a couple more days that I'm accepting prompts/requests. I'm writing/posting about one request a day so it'll take some time for them all to get done. Make sure to leave them soon!
> 
> Also! If you like my writing make sure to check out my actual multi-chapter Creek fic Macabre! (You can find it under my profile) It's more of a dark(but turns rather fluffy) realistic piece that I've been working really hard on :) It's not quite finished yet but I update weekly! Thanks!

**sailormoonotaku95 asked:  
That's fine you don't write NSFW :). Can I get some really fluffy Creek then? **

 

“Tweek I’m afraid we have a problem.”

“Jesus! Ngh! W-What? Oh no, oh m-man. Craig you know I don’t l-like problems!” 

When I chose to bring up the latest dilemma to my boyfriend this is not what I wanted to deal with. I really should have known better than to plain out tell him we have a problem. Oh well, that’s really my own fault. Fuck. 

“Tweek, relax. It’s okay dude, I promise. Jesus.” I reach out and grasp a set of band aid-upped hands. Tweek always treats his hands like shit and it I hate it seeing it. Tweek has nice hands man, he doesn’t need to be fucking them up. 

“Craig,” my boyfriend whines and he collapses onto the couch, burying his face in his hands. “You j-just told me we have a problem, you c-can’t take that back n-now!”

“Okay well it’s a minor problem you asshat, don’t sass me.” 

“I’m n-not sassing you! I’m just pointing out t-the details man. J-Jesus!”

“Oh whatever, you were totally sassing me.” Tweek groans very loudly so I snatch up the blonde and I pull him up so that I can kiss him. I make sure to make it very messy just to piss him off. It’s always cute how he gets all red and fuming. “Now, anyways, we need more money or else we can’t pay all the bills.”

Tweek jerks away from me and in the process manages to fall over the back of the couch. He hits the floor with a loud ‘eep’ and I can’t help but just sigh and shake my head. Tweek has always been constantly jittery and pretty much a nervous wreck. This is just normal behavior for him. 

I kneel on the couch to peer over the other side at the blonde who’s staring up at me with wide green eyes.

“C-Craig.” He makes a whimpering noise and covers his eyes with his hands. “T-That’s not a m-minor problem.” 

“Sure it is,” I shrug lazily which makes Tweek groan again. “I have a solution already.” Tweek screams and bolts up to stare at me with wide eyes.

“We’re n-not uploading porn o-online!” His reaction makes me laugh really fucking hard. I had once jokingly suggested it to Tweek and ever since he’s been a paranoid fuck that I’d actually go and upload videos of us online. 

“Are you sure? We’d make so much extra money!” Okay, even I don’t want to doing that shit but I’ve never been one to pass up an opportunity to tease my boyfriend. 

“C-Craaaig.” Tweek reminds me of that one llama, Paul, from Llamas With Hats who always whines Carl, but instead he’s whining my name. The thought always makes me snicker after Clyde pointed it out last year.

“Nah, actually we just gotta watch this one four year old for like four hours.” 

“W-What!” Tweek stands up and starts pacing. He buries his hands in his hair. “Craig, we don’t k-know how to take care of kids! I-I’ll kill it! That’s way too much p-pressure! Jesus Christ! W-What were you thinking Craig?!”

“You won’t kill it. I think it’s a he actually. His name is like Dylan or something. And he’ll be here in-” ironically enough the doorbell rings, “right now.”

Tweek is starting to panic even more and as I approach the door he screeches and bolts off to hide in the kitchen. When I open the front door a twenty-something woman is standing there, holding a little boys hand.

I really don’t know who she is. I saw something on my list (okay it’s actually Craigslist but I like to call it my list) about babysitting a kid for four hours for one hundred bucks. I don’t know if that’s a good deal or whatever but we’re short sixty for the rent and we kind of really need that money. 

“Hi, you must be Craig Tucker, right?” I nod and the brunette woman holds out a hand to   
shake. “I’m Nancy and this is Daniel.” Oh, I was close. “You have my number right?”

“Uh, yeah.” I think I do, I actually don’t know. Off in the kitchen I hear something crash which is promptly followed by a very predictable signature Tweek ‘eep’. Nancy is staring at me questioningly. “That’s my cat,” I lie because there’s always a chance that this chick will be a homophobic asshole and people like that always make Tweek panic. 

“Oh, right. Well I have that work meeting to attend in the next town over,” is that what she’s doing? “So I’ll be back around seven to pick him up. If there’s any problems or anything don’t hesitate to call. I have to get going. You have that list I emailed you, right?” 

“Sure,” I might… in my inbox where it’s left unread but whatever. I mean watching a kid can’t be that hard. 

“Alright, great. Thank you so much!” Nancy kneels down to briefly hug her kid and with that she’s off. Honestly it’s kind of disturbing how simple this is. Isn’t this lady concerned I’m actually a murderer or something? Like damn. I wouldn’t even trust my Guinea Pig with some stranger, let alone my kid.

Whatever, we need the money and luckily for her I’m not a murderer. 

This Daniel kid stands in front of the door and stares at me. 

“Kid, come inside already. You hungry or thirsty or whatever?” Daniel slowly walks in after me. He remains silent so I shrug and slam the door. I head towards the kitchen to see what kind of mess a certain spazzy blonde has made.

Just as I figured the mess is spilt coffee that’s all over the floor. Tweek is on his hands and knees cleaning it up with a towel but he doesn’t seem to be exactly doing a good job at it. 

“Do you need help?” Tweek screams in surprise and glances up at me and this brown haired four year old. At the sight of the kid he just screeches again and quickly stands up. But of course Tweek slips in the coffee. I reach out and grab his arm and help him regain his balance. 

“C-Craig! What is t-that!” 

“Well Tweek, that is a human child. His name is Dylan, or Derek or something.” A puny hand slaps my thigh suddenly, causing me to jump. The little brunette is staring up at me with narrowed eyes. 

“It’s Daniel.” 

“I-It speaks!” Tweek ‘eeps’ and ducks to hide behind me. It’s all such a typical Tweek action it makes me laugh softly. 

“Of course I ‘peak I’m four.” With that the kid holds up four fingers, looking smug as fuck. 

“Craig, g-get rid of it! I’ll k-kill it.” Tweek is tugging on my jacket. 

“Is that s’posed to be your cat?” Daniel asks. 

“Yeah, his name is Tweek.” I carefully push Tweek away from me. As much as I love him and all we’ve been working on him facing his fears on his own and not hiding behind me. 

“Like Tweety bird?” 

“No like Tweekers. Ya know, Tweek. With a ‘k’.” Tweek groans at being compared to a meth-head. 

“Tweekers?” This kid doesn’t seem to know what a Tweeker is but I guess that’s a good thing.

“Yeah but we call him Tweek. Now seriously kid what do I do with you. Do you need food or water or something? Do you want to watch TV?” 

“I want juice.” Tweek makes a moaning noise like that’s the most preposterous thing in the world. The blonde starts whining my name again but I chose to ignore him. Instead I use my foot to mop up the rest of the coffee with the towel and open the fridge. 

“Well kid, we have milk, Mountain Dew and coffee.” 

“Kids can’t d-drink that stuff! Oh god Craig, we’re g-gonna kill him.” 

“I think your cat needs to shut up.” I glance at Daniel in surprise and burst out laughing when I notice Tweek’s shell shock expression. 

“Yeah, I agree. My cat worries too much.” 

“Yeah he does.” Tweek whines my name and I fill up a glass with milk. I mean kids drink milk, right? I’m pretty sure they do. I’d give the kid caffeine but then again that shit kind of fucked Tweek up soo…

“Now how about we go do kid stuff or whatever? What do kids do these days?” 

Tweek starts whining again so I tell him to make coffee and then I take the kid out to the living room. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing so Daniel and I end up playing Call of Duty. When Tweek gets back he starts freaking out about how it rots a kid’s brain or something so he makes us stop. 

After forty minutes of babysitting I quickly realize why I’ve never done this shit before. 

It’s a lot of fucking work. LIke the kid has so much energy and he’s always getting bored. We tried watching some randomass cartoons onnetflix but five minutes into them Daniel got bored. So we tried playing a board game but Daniel thought it was stupid. 

So then I was like hey Daniel why don’t you draw or color whatever. I mean kids do that, right? But then it turns out the closest thing we have for coloring is one blue pen, a purple pen and two black ones. And then Daniel got hungry.

I mean Tweek and I don’t have a lot of money. Like we’re part time college students. College students are poor as fuck soo yeah. We have shitty college student food. So the whole ‘dinner’ thing was a nightmare. 

Both Tweek and I were going crazy by the time there was only an hour left of this whole shindig. Tweek was literally pulling his hair out which made me yell at him. Me yelling at him made Tweek sulk and I felt bad. It was getting really freaking stressful.

And then we found the solution. 

Red Fucking Racer. Like, I don’t know how I didn’t figure it out sooner. Red Racer is that one childish part of me and ended up being the one thing that Daniel didn’t get bored of. Red fucking Racer. Like shit. 

And so the last hour of babysitting was coming to a close with relative peace. It’s nearly seven and Daniel just actually fell asleep. 

Tweek is sitting really fucking close to me on the couch and he’s playing with my arm hair which I think is kind of fucking nasty but it’s something he idly does a lot. 

“H-Hey Craig.” 

“What?”

“Do you w-want to have kids one day?” I glance at Tweek surprised but he’s refusing to look at me. He’s still just playing with my fucking arm hair. He’s so weird. 

We’ve never talked about kids before. The whole ‘gay’ part aside we’re still pretty young and it’s never really been something to think about. We’ve been together for a little over four years though so it's not that crazy to be actually think about I guess. 

I’ve never even actually thought about kids or marriage or any of that super grown up stuff. I just always pictured life with Tweek and growing up very, very slowly I guess. 

I tap Tweek’s cheek with my free hand. He looks up at me with shy green eyes. He’s gnawing on his lip so I kiss him to get him to stop. The kiss makes him snuggle up even closer to me. 

“I don’t know. Do you?” I ask because I think I know my answer but I don’t want to over stress Tweek out with what I want. 

“O-Oh man! I don’t know m-man. Kids are so much p-pressure but they’re also k-kind of nice. Ya know? L-Like it was so much work just watching him but it's also k-kind of satisfying watching him s-sleep, ya know?” 

“Yeah,” I nod slowly as I glance at the kid passed out on the other end of the couch, “it kind of is. I don’t think I’d mind kids when we’re like old, ya know?” 

“We’re..” Tweek mutters thoughtfully. I didn’t even realize I had referred to the both of us but really that’s what I see for the future so, whatever. “Yeah, t-that’s a good idea.”

“Yepp, when we’re old and grown up. Deal?” 

Tweek grins at me shyly and leans up to kiss me. 

“Deal.”


	11. Firsta Kissu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig agonizes over the fact he still has yet to kiss Tweek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I have thirty requests built up now. Holllly sheeet. Anywho, only a few more days to send in requests!

Tweek and I have been dating for three months now and the novelty still has yet to wear off on people. Seriously though, like what the fuck. It’s really no one’s business so I don’t understand why people can’t get over it. 

It’s all “So Craig, you and Tweek, huh?” or, “Craig! Get some!”, or “You and Tweek do the kissy kissy yet?” 

All anyone asks about these days is Tweek this and Tweek that. I mean I really like Tweek and stuff, and I’m glad we’re dating now I just can’t stand people budding into our private life left and right. 

Especially because people keep asking about our first kiss. The big problem with this whole thing is the fact that this whole ‘first kiss’ thing still has yet to happen. For god’s sake I’m seventeen and have yet to had my first fucking kiss. 

Please tell me I’m not the only one who sees a lot wrong with that? 

Even Scott Malkinson kissed Kelly during Truth or Dare last year. 

People are even asking if Tweek and I have had sex yet but, nope, we still haven’t even kissed. Just fuck. I can’t stop thinking about it too. Tweek has some nice looking lips man. He’s such a twitchy fuck too, who knows what it’d be like to kiss him. 

“-and that’s my problem.”

“Holy shit Craig, I never thought I’d say this but you have like middle school problems.” I flip off my ditzy brunette friend and throw a piece of popcorn at his face. 

“Shut the fuck up, fuck face.” 

“No, seriously dude, he's like your boyfriend. I'm sure he wants to suck face with you too. Just go up to him, sweep him off his feet, and plant him a good one!” 

“Fuck you Clyde, seriously, fuck you.”

“Hey! I'm just trying to help a brother out!”

“Nah, I agree with Craig. Tweek isn't a girl and I doubt he wants to be treated like one. I don't know man, maybe just like take him out to dinner or to the movies or something. What do you guys usually do on dates?” Token asks, suddenly joining in on our conversation. 

“Uh, go to my house and watch movies or some shit.”

“B-But Craaaaig, that's what you guys did before you started dating!” Clyde whines. 

“Uh, yeah, so?”

“So you guys are boyfriends now. You gotta do dating stuff. Seriously, what's even changed since you've started dating?” 

“I don't know, we hold hands and shit. That's pretty gay. See? We're doing coupley shit.”

“Craig, for the love of god, you guys held hands even before you started dating.” Token groans and shakes his head. He lets his forehead fall until it's pressed against the table.

“Yeah but not every day.” 

“Dude, Tweek is gonna be here soon. Just take him out and try to kiss him!” Clyde exclaims eagerly. He starts trying to make up shitty ass cheerleader chants so I chose to ignore him.

“What the fuck, but what if he doesn't want to kiss me?”

“Craig!” Token sits up and throws his hands up in the air. “He wants to kiss you. You guys are dating. Seriously take him out and be the romantic jackass you are.”

“But that's gay as fuck.”

“You're gay as fuck.” 

“Touché.” 

Footsteps sound across Token’s giant ass house and then the subject of this entire conversation arrives. Tweek is holding his coffee thermos in one hand and playing with his hair with the other hand. His eyes dart around the room before they meet mine with a shy smile. 

“Hey Tweekers,” Token greets. 

“Oh, Tweeky, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Tweeky! Hey Tweeky!” 

“Ngh! H-Hi Clyde.” Tweek starts to make his way to the unoccupied chair but I stop him before he can sit down. 

“Dude, let’s get outta here.” Tweek makes a signature Tweek noise then glances around at our friends with wide, confused eyes.   
“W-What! Jesus! Uh, okay?” I grab Tweeks hand, flip off Clyde and Token, and pull my boyfriend out of the Black Residence. 

Alright, I’m determined. I’m gonna get this stupid kiss no matter what happens today. So first things first, a lunch date! Hell fuck yeah. I’m gonna woo the fuck out of Tweek. 

“Hey Tweek, you hungry?” I glance over at Tweek who’s staring at me with a furrowed brow. 

“Uh, I j-just ate?” 

Well shit. Step two then, coffee! I mean Tweek goes by coffee so fucking quickly, he has to be almost out. 

“Hey Tweek, you need some more coffee?” When I look over at Tweek again he’s frowning. 

“Um, Craig? I-I just filled up my thermos.”

“Shit.”

Okay, uh, step four? “Hey Tweek, how about some ice cream? Wanna go get some ice cream?”

“Jesus! Craig, it’s f-freaking snowing out, man! Do y-you want me to freeze to death?” Tweek tugs on my hand and shakes his head. “W-Why don’t we just go to y-your house and watch Red Racer?”

“We do that every day though. Don’t you want to do something new?” Tweek glances at me and frowns. 

“Well, not really? I l-like watching stuff with y-you. It’s our thing, right?” Tweek is acting adorable as fuck right now. Holy shit. He looks all shy and kind of red. Fuck. 

“Uh, y-yeah! That’s our thing man. I just thought maybe you’d want to go on an actual date, ya know?” Tweek lets out a little gasp. He starts to slip on a patch of ice but luckily since I’m still holding his hand I help him regain his balance. 

“A d-date? That sounds like a l-lot of pressure, man! I don’t wana m-mess it up or anything!” 

“You can’t mess up a date.”

“Y-Yes I can!”

“Well, how about we just go on a walk at Starks pond?” Tweek hums lightly and nods. 

“O-Okay, sure. Is that r-really a date though?”

“Hell yeah it is. If we want to call it a date it’s a date.” Tweek laughs and we continue our trek to the pond in relative peace. 

As we walk I go over every situation imaginable on how I’ll kiss Tweek motherfucking Tweak. I mean it can’t even be that hard, right? 

Right. 

We arrive at our destination and start our way on the snow covered path that looped around the miniature lake. I start to try to lean towards my silent boyfriend to get this thing over with but he abruptly turns to look at me. “Hey Craig, d-did you do the English homework?” Tweek suddenly asks. Wow, leave it to my sweet ass boyfriend to talk about school on our first ‘date and interrupt my attempt at a first kiss.

“Uh, yeah, sure Tweek.” Okay now the real question here is how the fuck do I be romantic? Fuck. “Hey Tweek, look at how nice looking the lake is. It’s all white and stuff.” That’s romantic-ish, right?

Tweek glances out into the distance with a confused frown. “Uh yeah, it’s n-nice?”

Okay, time to do it! I start to lean in to kiss him but he suddenly turns his head to look back at me and flinches in surprise. “C-Craig! W-What are you doing?”

Shit. Um, wow. “There’s, uh, just a bug. In your hair.” Tweek shudders and I reach out to pluck out the invisible bug. 

“Oh, thanks.” Tweek starts rambling on about how there’s probably some yeti hiding out in this forest or whatever. I try to pay attention but I’m so goddamn distracted by this whole ‘kiss’ thing. 

Finally he lulls into silence. Tweek looks over at me with a shy smile. “Do you t-think I’m just crazy?”

“Nah, Tweek, your chill.” Now! Now’s the moment. I lean in to kiss him but Tweek gives me a confused look. “C-Craig you look constipated or s-something?” Aw, shit. Way to ruin the moment Tweek. 

“Bug,” I lie. I pretend to pull something out of his hair. 

“Jesus! T-They’re all after me!”

I sigh and admit my defeat. It’s obvious by now this is not happening. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect ya Tweekers.” Tweek squeaks and groans. He starts rambling over how it’s not fair to tease him. I tug on his hand and start heading us back towards my house. 

As we near the end of the path Tweek ‘eeps’ in surprise as he starts to gyrate towards the ground. I try to catch him but instead I find myself falling too. I’m heading towards the ground, right over Tweek and bam. 

That’s how our first kiss happens. 

We fucking slip on ice and I crash land on Tweek and slam our teeth together in a shitty ass kiss. 

How fucking romantic. 

“J-Jesus Christ! Oh shit man!” I push myself off of Tweek quickly and the blonde sits up to press his hand against his lips. “I-I’m bleeding!”

“Oh fuck, shit! Sorry Tweek. Fuck.” I pull off one of my gloves and press it against Tweek’s lip as some shitty substitute for a tissue.

“Ngh! Fuck. It’s o-okay Craig.” Tweek pushes my hand away and touches his swollen lip carefully. It’s already stopped bleeding. Tweek glances up at me with a shy little smile. “Craig, you’re a-all red.” 

“Shit, am I?” Tweek nods with a giggle. 

“W-Well, we had our first k-kiss.” Tweek points out. Tweek looks like a sly little fuck. Oh god. I groan and shake my head. Yeah, I’m a real romantic. 

“Yeah, we did.” I sound kind of bitter and Tweek giggles. I start to stand up but Tweek snatches my wrist and tugs me down. Then there’s two warm heat sources pressing against my cheeks and soft flesh pressing against my lips. 

Tweek kissed me. Tweek fucking kissed me. Holy shit. This time I can finally appreciate it too. I mean it’s kind of awkward, and weird but also strangely nice. Really fucking nice. 

Tweek pulls away after a moment all smiley and shit. 

“C’mon l-let’s go watch Red Racer!”


	12. The Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek play tennis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys don't know how tennis works, oh boyyy. Anyways, requests are now closed. I believe I have 42 to work on now?? So yeah expect quite a bit more one shots!!

**meep-wants-komahina asked:  
Oneshot where tweek and craig are playing tennis and tweek keeps saying he sucks bc he's never played it and then ends up being superbadass at it and craig is like woah **

“J-Jesus Christ Craig! I c-can’t play tennis, man, I s-suck!”

I glance over at my paranoid boyfriend who is currently tugging at his hair with one hand and holding a tennis racquet in the other.Tweek looks awkward standing in my mom’s yoga pants and an old wife beater. We tried swinging by his house so that he could get dressed but he was locked out so instead he’s wearing that awkward combo… including the bright ass green crocs he’s been insistently wearing for like the last month.

God I hate those crocs.

The only reason we’re going to try and play tennis is because I’m flunking math and my teacher is also the tennis coach. He told me if I joined tennis club and actually win at least one match he’d pass me. So now I just need to practice or something. 

Tennis isn’t that hard, probably. Tweek should be able to play just fine. I just need to practice hitting the ball or whatever so worst comes to shove he can just throw the ball at me and I’ll volley or pass it or whatever you call it. 

Easy fucking peasy. 

“You haven’t even played yet so how do you know you suck?” Tweek narrows his eyes at me and sticks out his tongue like the simple child he truly is. “C’mon man. You ready? I’m already hungry as fuck. I told you we should’ve eaten first.”

“I w-wasn’t hungry!” Tweek shakes his head and stubbornly crosses his arms. “I-I’m not doing this. Make T-Token play with you. He was in tennis l-last year.”

“Token’s an asshole. He’d show up in his fancy ass tennis get up and then whoop my ass. No fucking thank you.”

“He could t-teach you!” My boyfriend throws his hands up in the air and in the process manages to toss his racquet clean up in the air. I just sigh and shake my head as the blonde screams and dives out of the way to avoid being pelted. 

“Whatever, c’mon coffecake, pick up your tennis bat. This is gonna be as easy as pie.” 

“T-Tennis bat?!?! Jesus Craig! P-Pie isn’t even easy to make, t-that makes no sense!” Tweek doesn’t bother picking up his racquet and instead buries his hands in his hair. 

“You don’t make sense.” I deadpan because really all there’s to do is to try and comfort Tweek but I’m kind of in a childish fight mood. Soo yeah.  
“Craig!”

“Come on Tweek, fight me.” 

“Ngh! W-What? Craig you’re h-huge!”

“You calling me fat? I’m gonna beat you up bean-y boy.” I slam my hand against the black racquet I’m holding. “Come on, babe. Pick up your tennis bat and fight me.”

“You w-want to sword fight with tennis r-racquets?” Tweek stops panicking to stare at me confused. I groan and facepalm.

“No Tweek I mean let’s play tennis.” 

“Oh, b-but I won’t be good. I d-don’t even know how to play tennis.”

“We just watched like an hours worth of youtube videos.” I squeeze the green ball in my hand and step back, thinking of how you’re supposed to serve or whatever. 

“Not the s-same Craig.”

“C’mon just loosen up. How about we turn this into a game. Or a bet, yeah a best sounds hella fun. If you win I’ll buy you that weird ass blended coffee on steroids you love,” Tweek eagerly squeaks at the mention of the giant ass coffee he adores, “and if I win you stop wearing those ugly ass crocs for two weeks.” Tweek moans as if he’s in pain.

“But Craaaaig, I love my c-crocs. They’re so c-cozy and I c-can see my socks!” Tweek looks down at his feet as he wiggles his toes. His left foot has a fuzzy polka dotted sock and the other has a sock with cartoon fish on it. They’re weird as fuck but kind of cute and Tweek thinks they’re the coolest fucking thing ever. 

“How about you stop wearing them for one goddamn week?” Tweek thinks for a moment.

“Okay, d-deal!” Tweek picks up his tennis bat then steps backwards onto the court so we can try this thing. 

I try to remember how they served in the youtube videos. They like threw the ball up in the air and all magical girl mode jump up and hit it. I think? I try doing what they do but when I jump up to hit it I completely miss and the ball hits the ground before bouncing to a stop. 

Tweek is staring at me with wide owlish eyes. Suddenly his lips quiver and he uses his hand to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. Sometimes he’s such a little ass.

“I saw that.” I point out with a scowl. Tweek ‘eeps’ and shakes his head. With a sigh I pick up the ball and try again. 

It took me seven whole fucking tries to finally hit the stupid god damn ball. And when I finally hit the ball it soared way over the middle net and hit the chainlink fence that surrounds the courts. Tweek stood in place, he had made no attempt to move after it at all. 

At this rate Tweek will be out of those stupid crocs in no time. Hell fucking yes.

“That's a point for me, right?” 

Tweek looks back at me with a blank expression. He stared at me for a moment then shrugged. “How am I s-supposed to know?” 

“I think that’s a point for me.” Tweek shrugs then turns and hobbles off to retrieve the ball. I watch Tweek as he bends down to grab the ball. 

Guys would always talk about how girls look so nice in yoga pants and I never understood why but now I think I do. Tweeks ass looks fucking fantastic in those pants. Holy shit. 

Tweek abruptly stands up and spins around to wave the ball in the air. “Got it!” He jogs back to the middle of his side of the court. He held the ball in one of his hands and stared at in unsure. “Do I do t-that throw hit thingy now?” 

“Sure.” I actually have no fucking idea. I really don’t know what I’m doing but whatever. 

I watch as Tweek thinks for a moment then tosses the ball up into the air. He jumps up slightly, stretching on his toes, to smack the ball. It’s really unfucking fair when he hits it on his first fucking try. Like seriously. Dumb luck. I swear to god, dumb fucking luck. 

Fuck.

I try to dive to the left to hit the ball but it hits the ground really fucking quickly and bounces away. 

Fuck. 

“W-Woah!” Tweek jumps up and down as he squeals in a way that kind of reminds me of Stripe. “Is that a p-point?!?!” 

“Yes you lucky bastard.” I flip off Tweek but he just giggles. I grab the ball and try to serve. 

Four tries later the ball is flying towards Tweek. Right before it can hit the ground several feet away from my boyfriend, the blonde manages to step forward and hit it with his tennis bat thing. The ball comes flying back towards me.

I try to hit it but I miss again. Tweek cheers again and starts doing this dorky little victory dance. It’s actually really fucking cute but I’m kind of just annoyed that Tweek is doing kind of well. 

Lucky fucking asshat. 

“Two p-points for Tweek, one f-for loser Craig~!” Tweek cheers very loudly. I flip off my boyfriend again and he just laughs maniacally. 

“Fuck you Tweek. Seriously.” 

“Hurry u-up and serve the ball C-Craig!”

I do as he says and I’m smug as fuck when I hit it on the first try. I watch as the ball nears Tweek and I’m soo sure he’s not going to hit it but of course last second he does. This time there’s no way I’m going to not hit it back and I do manage to hit it back.

But so does he. This time I can’t get to the ball fast enough and Tweek gets another stupid point. 

“Three p-points!”

“Again!” I demand. 

And then, “Woot! Jesus! F-Four points!”

“Again you asshat!” I’m going to fucking beat him holy fuck. Ugh. 

“HAHAHA! S-Seven points! ….. N-Nine points! ….. Thirteen! …. Eighteen p-points!”

Then finally Tweek asks, “C-Craig, how about we stop n-now?” Tweek had just managed to score point twenty four and I’m pissed. I’ve gotten one point. One that’s it and my spazzy adorkable boyfriend got twenty four. 

I saw him panting once after running up the fucking stairs. He’s twiggy, out of shape, and is covered in this cute little later of chub. Yet he won. I’m in fucking sports man. I’m sexy as fuck and in shape and I should have won.

“NO. I have to beat you.” 

“Craig, I-I’m starving and so a-are you.” 

“But Tweek-”

“Craig you’re a d-dirty loser. Just g-give up. I’ll s-stop wearing my crocs for the next t-two days if we can just leave already.” 

“Fine.” God damn it all. Who would have thought that Tweek fucking Tweak would be good at tennis? 

“But you s-still have to buy me my coffee.”

Of course..

“I know Tweek.”


	13. Home

**Anonymous asked: Prompt! Creek. When they start spending more and more time with each other their families get used to seeing them together all the time, meaning that Craig's dad gets used to Tweek too. So much so that he actually starts to like him and actually wants them to spend time together. Craig gets so embarrassed by that, especially when they are real boyfriends and his whole family adores Tweek so damn much… which in the end he sees that it might be not such a bad thing. Hope you can work with this.**

(Tweek POV)

Jesus Christ, I can’t do this. OH man. Oh boy. This isn’t going to go well. They’re gonna hate me. They’re going to hate me and uh, kill me or something! I know it! Thomas is a scary man, oh man. I’m going to die. I’m really going to die. I’m going to get killed by my boyfriend’s dad and that’s the end to my first relationship.

And my life. 

Dear fucking god. Holy shit. I’m dying. I’m seriously-

“Tweek,” going to die. I’m going to die. Woow. Okay. “Hey, Tweekers, calm down.”

“BUT CRAIG YOU D-DON’T UNDERSTAND. THEY’RE GOING TO HATE ME. AND- AND T-THEN YOUR DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME.” 

“Wait, what?” Craig frowns and stares at me with furrowed eyebrows. “Woah, Tweek, seriously it’s okay. My dad isn’t going to kill you,” my boyfriend trails off to think for a moment. My heart is beating so hard I swear it’s going to explode or something. Oh man. “My dad is probably not going to kill you.”

“AuGH! Ngh! Craig!!”

“Why are you so worried anyways? You’ve spent the night at my house a gazillion times.” 

“Not when we’re d-dating! They’re gonna think w-we’re gonna go burn in hell or s-something! Jesus! It’s so much pressure, C-Craig!” The noirette laughs at me and snatches my hands from my hair to hold them. 

“My dad is gonna burn in hell so we’re chill. Now come on, let’s go inside already.” Craig tugs on my hands, leading me up the front steps of his house. 

Sitting on a recliner in the livingroom is one monstrously tall man by the name of Thomas Tucker. He stares at me with harsh unforgiving eyes and I know for sure I’m going to die. But instead he simply says, “hi Tweek”.

xxx

(Craig POV!!)

“Hey, hey, hey Craig.” Cue my ignoring my annoying ass sister. “Craig! When is Tweek coming over? You said he’s coming over today, right?”  
“Oh, Tweek is coming over? He said he liked my meatloaf, right? Maybe I should make that for dinner then.” 

“Oh yeah, mom! I think he did say that. Make sure to get the coffee going. Craig, is Tweek going to be here soon?”

You know I remember months ago when Tweek was paranoid as fuck that my family would suddenly hate him now that we’re dating. Now they’re all fucking obsessed with him and I can’t fucking stand it. Holy fucking shit. 

“Jesus fucking Christ. Will you guys calm the fuck down already? Yes Ruby, Tweek is coming over. He’s on his way now so calm the fuck down. Seriously. You’re gonna freak him out. And mom I’m pretty sure he said he likes your meatloaf just to be polite.”

“Craig! Don't be so rude. You know maybe you should try acting a little more like Tweek. He's so sweet.” I roll my eyes and ignore my ‘loving’ mother. 

“Just tell the Tweaks that we’ll trade you for Tweek,” Ruby cheerfully pipes up. I flip off my sister as the front door opens. 

“That's a good idea Ruby,” my mom agrees with a nod. I groan and stand up from the dining room table to see who walked in. Tweek left his house like five minutes ago, there's no way it was him.

To my surprise it's my dad and Tweek who walked in. Tweek is looking nervous and jittery as fuck. The blonde is covered in stray melting snowflakes and is holding two hot drinks from Harbucks. 

“Craig why didn't you tell me Tweek was walking over? I would have picked him up and given him a ride! You’re lucky I drove past him and picked him up.” Thomas Tucker shakes his balding head as if he's truly disappointed in me. 

“You forced me to walk to his house yesterday.” 

“Yeah you're a strong kid. We don't want Tweekers getting sick.” Tweek makes a squeaking noise and dashes straight to me. My dad still kind of freaks him out even though my dad seriously loves Tweek. Like I’m positive he likes Tweek more than he likes me. Sooo..

Seriously when did this even happen? I still remember when he called Tweek a fruity coke addict… Fuck.

“Ngh! Thank y-you for the ride Mr. Tucker.” Tweek presses himself against my side, clenching the hot drinks tightly against his chest. Tweek is shaking so I put my hands on his shoulders to calm him.

“What did I say about that? Just call me Thomas.” Dad lazily waves his hand then stomps into the kitchen to hand out the drinks he’s carrying. 

Tweek turns his green eyes up to me with a panicked expression. I laugh softly and kiss him briefly. PDA still kind of weirds Tweek out but he’s being an adorable little fuck. “Come on, let's go up to my room.” Honestly, the sooner is get him away from my crazy ass family the better. Plus I can kiss him more if we’re in the privacy of my room. 

“O-Okay-”

“Hey,” my mom suddenly shouts. “Not without saying hello! Tweek get in here!” My mom is shouting pretty damn loudly and Tweek makes this whimpering noise.

“O-Okay!??” 

I push Tweek towards the dining room and he hands me one of the drinks he’s carrying. 

When we walk in all the attention is directed onto Tweek. I stand against the wall watching them. My mom is fussing over how cold Tweek looks and Ruby is trying to tell Tweek about the part she got in her school musical thanks to the blonde. 

Its really fucking annoying that they keep stealing him away from me but it's also kind of nice. Everything feels much more like home when Tweek is around.


	14. The Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek and Craig exchange Christmas gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve Everyone! This is farther down my list of requests but because it’s Christmas themed I had to write it now :) Enjoy! Featuring: Steve the Cactus because he’s my favorite. PS, expect one more Christmas themed one shot tomorrow!

“L-Like this?”

“Why, sure-y Tweek! Ya might just wanna round off the tip just a l’il bit.”

“Like this?”

“Yeppers! It looks fantastic! Good job! Craig will love it!”

“You t-think so?” Relief floods through me as I continue to carefully work the wonderflex between my fingers.

“You betcha! We’re almost ready to paint it too,” Leopold Butters Stotch giggles delicately and claps excitedly.

I smile at my friend nervously then flip the hair dryer back on to heat up the material a little bit more. It’s Christmas eve and I’m still working on my present for Craig. I’m both thrilled and terrified to give it to him. I hope he’ll like it.

It took me weeks to try and figure out what to get Craig. All I knew is I wanted it to be related to either guinea pigs or space. And then I came up with the brilliant idea to buy Craig a space ship guinea pig cage! It turns out you can’t buy cages like that but luckily Butters offered to help me make one myself.

Butters is into all this artsy stuff and he’s actually really good at it too! Thanks to Butters help I know it’ll turn out great. It’s really hard though and he insists I do most of the work. It’s super hard because I shake so much.

“Okay, d-do you think it’s good?” The the front and back of the ship is shaped onto a standard dark blue cage with the aid of this weird plastic-y stuff that Butters insisted we use. I’m still pretty mind blown over how great it looks. When Butters said we should just make it I expected it to look like crap.

“Yes! Gee wiz Tweek you did great!” I feel heat in my cheeks and try to wave off his flattery.

“Ngh! B-Butters! It’s all thanks to y-you, really.” Butters laughs and starts pulling acrylic paints from what looks like a tackle box.

“Gosh, don’t be silly. Now come on! Back to work!”

xxxxx

I’m on my fourth cup of coffee and I still can’t stop shaking or pacing. Craig texted me saying he’s on his way over about ten minutes ago which means he’ll be here every second. The space cage is finished but I’m still terrified he won’t like it. I mean, if he doesn’t like it enough will he break up with me?

I really like Craig! I don’t want him to break up with me! Oh man. It’s so much pressure. I really like Christmas and all but sometimes I wish it wasn’t a thing. What if people hate your gift?? Jesus.

_Ding-Dong!_

“Ngh!” I bolt to the door and fling the white slab open. The night sky and a tall handsome teen greets me. My boyfriend looks painfully cute bundled up in thick layers of winter clothing. His hat has a good layer of snow on it and his cheeks and nose are very red. The lower half of his face is covered by a dark blue knit scarf but the slight wrinkle in his eyes suggests he’s smiling.

“Hey Tweekers,” his voice is soft and fills me with nervous butterflies.

“H-Hi,” I suddenly feel shy but Craig solves the problem for the both of us by stepping forward and pulling me into a hug. He’s freezing cold but he fills me with warmth. His ugly ass mittens rub against my hair, messing up what’s already crazy enough as it is.

I wouldn’t mind spending a long, long, time just standing here in Craig’s embrace but the door is open and the snow is starting to blow into me and it’s freezing. The noirette seems to sense that I’m cold and he slowly steps forward, pushing me back. He refuses to let me go as we hobble into the house. His left leg kicks the door closed.

He’s so insistent on holding me that it makes me giggle. “Mmm, Craig, Merry C-Christmas.” Craig’s face rubs into my hair. He makes a little humming noise. “Are you smelling m-me?”

“I’ve missed you.” Is all he mutters. I laugh and try to push Craig away but he’s really refusing to let me go.

“Craig I saw you l-like three days ago.”

“Yeah, well we were supposed to hang out yesterday you ass.” Craig takes his stupid mitten covered hands off of me and then seconds later they’re replaced by his normal long fingers. I love the feeling of his fingers digging into my hair.

“Well s-sorry.” Actually I’m not sorry because I was working so hard on his present. I roll my eyes and I feel Craig fold most of his fingers to flip me off.

“Merry Christmas Tweekers.” Craig lifts his head off of me but before he pulls away from me he presses his lips against my scalp. “Where are your parents?”

“At a christmas p-party. They’ll be back in a f-few hours.”

Craig smiles at me and intertwines his fingers with my own. “Cool. Let’s go up to your room and open presents, yeah?” I nod.

Craig stoops down to pick up a red gift bag I had failed to notice earlier. I pull on his hand, dragging him up the stairs to my room. In the space between christmas with my parents and Craig coming over I decorated my room to be all Christmas-y for Craig and I.

I’m actually pretty proud of it. I strung christmas lights over my bed and taped snowflakes I made out of coffee filters on my walls. I even decorated my plant cactus Steve with little baby christmas ornaments. Steve is complete with his own gold star sticker on top.

When Craig enters my room he whistles. He always whistles when he’s impressed. It’s weird because his dad does the same thing but I think it’s kind of cute that he subconsciously copies his dad.

“I like what you did with the place.” Craig starts pulling off his jacket and scarf. I glance over at my desk nervously. I couldn’t exactly wrap Craig’s gift so I just draped my bed sheet over it. I hope Craig doesn’t mind.

“Thanks,” I gasp in surprise when Craig notices my desk. He starts walking over to it so I grab his shirt to stop him. He glances over his shoulder at me with a slight frown.

“What is it Tweek?”

“That’s y-your gift.” Craig’s eyebrows shoot up.

“It’s huge,” Craig steps closer to my desk and I allow him. “Can I open it?”

“Well y-you can’t really open it. T-There’s just a blanket on it man.” Craig scoffs and lightly hits the back of my head.

“Don’t be such a smart ass Tweek. Let me open my present. It’d make me sooo happy.” Craig is smiling and I know he’s just teasing me. I’m getting all nervous again so I just nod hesitantly.

It feels way too soon when Craig delicately lifts the sheet off of the gift I’ve poured six hours of my time into.

“Holy fucking shit.”

At first I think he hates it but he’s reaching out and carefully touching the dark blue parts. I’m starting to shake again as Craig turns to stare at me.

He looks dumbstruck. His eyes look kind of glazed over and he’s chewing on his lip. I watch as he swallows thickly. “Holy shit Tweek. Wow, I don’t even know what to say. It’s fucking perfect. Holy shit. Did you make it?” I nod and Craig just shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair. The action sends his hat to the floor.

“Do you l-like it?” Craig makes a choking noise and shakes his head.

“Of course I like it, Tweek, I fucking love it. Holy shit. Stripe is going to love it and it’s perfect. You even got the kind of cage that can connect to other cages. Holy shit.” Craig pulls me forward and wraps his arms around me.

Craig is laughing which makes me laugh and then he’s spinning me in the air.

“Oh god Tweek, you are perfect. Holy shit. Thank you so much.” Craig sets my feet back on the floor but he doesn’t let me go. “God I love it so much. Holy shit. My present is so fucking lame in comparison. I can’t believe you made that. It’s incredible.”

“W-Well Butters helped me.”

“Remind me to thank Butters.” I nod as Craig starts peppering my face with light kisses. God Craig is such a cheesy dork. I’m so happy he loves my gift it makes me want to cry. It feels great to see him so happy.

“D-Do I get my gift a-any time soon?”

“Oh, shit, right.” Craig pulls away but he’s still holding my hand as pulls me to the bed where he had set the present. I can tell Craig is super appreciative because even when I let go of his hand to grab the present he refuses to stop touching me. He keeps brushing my hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ears.

He’s being really fucking cute. I sit down on the bed but Craig grunts and pulls me into his lap. He wraps his arms around my shoulders.

“Can I o-open it now?”

“Sure, it’s really fucking lame. I had no idea what to get you. I’m sorry, I suck at buying people shit.”

I roll my eyes and start tugging the bag open. I gasp at what I see underneath a thick layer of tissue paper. I reach in and pull out thick dark green knitted material.

Craig bought me a scarf that’s in my favorite shade of green.

Then I see the best part. Stretching across the scarf is a pattern of 8-bit looking white coffee cups full of my favorite dark brown liquid. It’s seriously perfect. It’s three of my favorite things in one: green, coffee and a scarf.

“See, it’s kind of lame. I’m sorry.” Craig is idly rubbing his hands on my arm.

I turn my body so that I’m facing him. “It’s not l-lame, Jesus! I l-love it.” Craig looks doubtful so I lean forward and plant a light kiss on his nose.

“Really?”

“Really. T-Thank you Craig.” Craig smiles softly and it fills me with warm joy.

“Merry Christmas Tweek.”

“Merry Christmas Craig,” and then he leans forwards and finally kisses me.


	15. Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek get caught under the mistletoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is shorter! I’ve been very busy with Christmas and everything! I had to get this out real quick though before Christmas is over! there’s still half an hour left, my time But Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to everyone! This follows yesterday’s Christmas themed One shot so make sure to read it first!

**jesus-kun asked:  
Craig and Tweek organize their own little Christmas party. They are boyfriends for a long time but none of them said I love you yet. And then Tweek finally gains the courage and says it. Sappy fluff! :D **

 

“Have I shown you this picture Tweek?” I try shoving my phone in my boyfriend’s face but he just attempts to shove it away. “Tweek look at the picture. Stripe is cute.” 

“Craig you’ve s-said that about the l-last like thousand pictures.” The blonde turns his coy green eyes on me with a little smile. He rolls his eyes but a smile graces his fine delicate features. 

Sometimes I get really distracted by Tweek’s face, it’. It’s not like he’s pretty like a girl or whatever but he’s pretty and beautiful in his own strange way and I actually really like it. As cheesy and gross as it sounds I could like get lost in his eyes. They’re just really dazzling and stuff.

“Uh,” I have to force myself to get back on topic because ever since Christmas I just can’t stop thinking about Tweek and what he made me. And Christmas was only yesterday. He’s just perfect. “Yeah, but this one is the cutest. Stripe is wearing an astronaut hat.”

It makes me smile when Tweek gasps and snatches my arm with an iron grip. He yanks my hand in front of his face to check the picture. When he sees just normal Stripe, standing up in the cage holding the bars, Tweek scoffs. 

“Y-You’re such a d-dirty liar.” It’s really fucking distracting when Tweek laughs with a light playful shake of his head. He’s so goddamn perfect. 

“What’s up with Craig?” An annoying voice belonging to an equally annoying Kenny McCormick asks from across the room. 

“He’s super clingy because Tweek got Craig the perfect present or whatever.” Clyde explains, extra loud, probably hoping I’d hear him. Clyde is such a jackass. “Craig’s such a girl.” 

I really don’t care what Clyde thinks about me but I flip him off anyways because Clyde always deserves to be flipped off. 

“What, did Tweek and Craig finally have sex or something?” Kenny asks. 

From beside me Tweek jumps and jerks out of my grip with a “J-Jesus Christ!”. I move on to flipping off Kenny because now he’s freaked out Tweek. God damn it all. 

We’re in the middle of some shitty Christmas party that Tweek, Token and Clyde insist we throw. Now Token’s house is full of all the jack asses of South Park that I can seriously live without. 

“Shit, I’m not right am I?” Kenny starts laughing hysterically like he is right when really he’s not. 

Tweek is still freaking out from beside me so I grab his hands to try and calm him down. I realized a long time ago that when I touch him it just helps him relax. The tension from Tweek’s body does seem to diminish quite a bit but he’s shaking his leg up and down rapidly, shaking the entire couch. 

“Hey Tweek, it’s okay. Ignore Kenny, he’s a perverted jackass.” Tweek makes a whimpering noise and Kenny makes some protest that I just ignore. Token is passing by the couch holding a fancy ass glass with some fancy ass drink. 

“Craig why don’t you take Tweek up to the game room to calm down?” Token usually gives good ideas so I agree and pull Tweek to stand up. 

“Ngh! C-Craig…” Tweek is mumbling some nonsense as I pull him past the crowds of stupid ass teens and up the stairs. Despite how ridiculously huge Token’s house is it doesn’t take that long to reach the game room. 

“Hey Tweek, you don’t need to worry over what Kenny said. He says that shit about everyone.” 

“I k-know! I don’t mean to f-freak out. I’m sorry.” Tweek shakes his head and presses his hands against his eyes. I didn’t mean to make him feel even shittier. Fuck. 

“Don’t be sorry. It-” I was going to continue to reassure him but I get distracted by what I see hanging in the doorway above us. “Look Tweek, mistletoe.” 

This gets Tweek to remove his hands from his eyes. Those bright green eyes turn up and widen slightly at the sight of such a cheesy Christmas holiday. “W-What! Craig we c-can’t break the tradition. Jesus! S-Santa would get so angry.” 

Tweek is starting to look freaked out. Fuck. 

So I chose to distract him. I mean, we can’t break tradition or whatever, right? In the back of my head I realize Token probably planned this, that coy bastard.

I lean down to fill the gap between us and as I do I feel our breaths mingle as one. Tweek’s eyes finally meet mine and I put my hands to his cheeks. I wish I could put how I feel for him into words…

Tweek’s eyebrows furrow together and he suddenly looks starved for my attention. His scrawny arms wrap around my neck and with that we unite. 

And just like that I realize exactly what words explain how I feel for him. 

I enjoy the feeling of his lips moving against mine and the slight brush of his tongue against my own, but the urge to tell him those three little words are overwhelming. I have to do it. And so I carefully pull away. It isn’t until after several more brief kisses that there’s a short space between us. 

“Hey Tweek, I’m going to tell you something but don’t freak out. Okay?” It makes me smile when green eyes widen and straight white teeth gnaw and red lips. With a deep breath I say it.

“I love you.” 

“W-What!” Tweek looks shocked and overwhelmed but I kind of saw that coming. 

“You don’t have to say it back or whatever but I just wanted to tell you. I really do love the cage you made me and I really freaking like you. But I more than like you, I think I actually really love you or whatever.” 

Tweek is turning really red. His eyes look watery and he’s gnawing on his lip even harder. I’m afraid he’ll make his lip bleed. So I grab his cheeks and pull his lips back to mine. 

The closeness doesn’t last for long when Tweek pulls away, looking even redder. “Hey-”

“N-No! Shush!” Tweek shakes his head then buries it into the crook of my neck. “Jesus, t-this is so embarrassing.” Tweek’s lips brush against my skin as he speaks softly. “I, ngh, l-love you too Craig.” 

I never expected such generic words to make me feel so full but it does. Holy shit, it does.


	16. For Realsies?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek are fake boyfriends... they think?

**fightacrosstheconstellation asked:  
If you still take prompts, how about a Creek fic where they realize that, hey, they might not be a fake couple after all, it got real a long time ago. ;D Yup, I just love stuff like that and I really like your writing style! <3 **

“Craaaig,” the slightly whiny voice belonging to a familiar blonde sitting next to me cues me into the fact the that he must want something from me. Tweek always says my name like that when he wants me to do his slave work. For such a hyper kid Tweek is actually pretty damn lazy. 

“More coffee?” Green eyes shine and a wild mess of blonde hair bobs up and down. “Yeah, yeah, okay. You know you’re lucky we’re actually best friends. Fake boyfriends don’t usually go through so much effort to please their ‘buddy’.” 

Tweek rolls his eyes and waves me off with one hand. His eyes are downcast as he stares at the coloring book he’s so furiously working on.

“Yeah, yeah; l-love you too fake boyfriend.” The shaky lifted voice is obviously teasing but the words still make my stomach twist into knots. Not knowing what to say or do I simply flip off my best friend and leave the room. 

It’s only once I’m in the hallway of the Tweak’s residence do I realize I forgot to grab Tweek’s coffee cup. I’m too embarrassed and flustered to turn back though so I shrug it off and head downstairs to the kitchen. 

When I think about it Tweek and my relationship is weird. 

We’ve been fake boyfriends for nearly as long as we’ve been friends. What was best friends has turned into an easy relaxed version of closer friendship, or I guess just fake dating. We’re still best friends but the world thinks we’re more than that. So it’s like a best friend you also hold hands, cuddle, and sometimes kiss. I don’t mind it though because I actually like doing all those things Tweek. 

Huh. 

Mrs. Tweek is standing in the kitchen humming to herself as she makes some pastry that will probably be sold at their coffee shop. I like Mrs. Tweek even if she’s really weird and kind of a shitty parent. Tweek explained to me that she’s also sick, kind of like him, but even worst. 

Sometimes she forgets we’re in high school and we’re dating or she’ll be convinced she’s simply babysitting us or whatever. When I was younger I hated her for not taking care of Tweek. I mean Tweek needs lots of care and Tweek’s dad is no better. Richard Tweek is just a ditzy little fuck head. I do like him though.

I think his shitty parents are the reason I stepped in to take care of Tweek. In a way I’m glad Tweek has shitty ass parents. I mean, I guess at least they love him or whatever. 

“Oh! Craig!” Mrs. Tweek giggles when she sees me and wipes her hands off on her pretty red apron. Mrs. Tweek is actually really pretty. When she was in her early twenties I imagine she must have actually been really hot. It’s kind of creepy to imagine my ‘boyfriend’s’ mom younger and hot but you really can’t deny the truth. 

Tweek’s mom is probably who to thank for Tweek’s weirdly alluring looks. Tweek is really attractive but not in that boring standard way. He’s an unconventional kind of beauty and I really fucking dig it. 

“Hi Mrs. Tweek,” the woman waves and heads straight to the coffee pot that’s full and waiting. 

“I figured Tweeky would be needing his coffee soon. Let me just pop this in the microwave to get it real nice and hot for you.” I watch as she pulls another mug from the cupboard and I’m glad I’m not the one who has to dirty another clean dish. I don’t think she’d really care though. The one positive thing about Mrs. Tweek is the fact she practically lives in the kitchen. I’m pretty sure she has some kind of OCD and she’s super anal about her kitchen. It’s always spotless and half the time I find her cooking something. 

“Alright,” the microwave dings and the coffee is pulled out. Mrs. Tweek carries the hot mug to me and I take it carefully.

“Now you two don’t forget protection, mmkay?” I feel myself blanche but she just winks playfully before turning back towards her pastries. 

Another weird thing about Mrs. Tweek is the fact that she’s so blunt about anything sexual which is weird as fuck. She’s always reminding us to be safe during sex even on days when she thinks we’re just ten year old friends. That woman can be really fucking childish but not blink an eye over anything sexual. To be honest it’s kind of disturbing. 

As I head up the stairs I wonder to myself if it’s weird that it doesn’t really bug me that people assume Tweek and I are sexually active. I would probably get really fucking pissed if people assumed that with anyone else. I guess I’d just get hella annoyed if I was pretend dating anyone but Tweek. 

When I enter the room Tweek is scribbling furiously but looking proud as fuck. Tweek is actually pretty good at drawing. He thinks he’s a shitty ass artist but he’s had a lot of practice on the chalkboard menu at Tweeks Bros. coffee so he’s actually good. 

My favorite part of it all is the fact that I’ve convinced Tweek to draw and color some pretty messed up stuff.There’s this one Lisa Frank coloring book of his dedicated to coloring like murder scene and antichrist shit. It’s hilarious and beautiful. Tweek looks innocent as fuck and to see him coloring such messed up shit on little girl toys is a fantastic sight. 

I even convinced Tweek to draw a picture dedicated to dicks once. He got really embarrassed though but I appreciated it and to this day it hangs on my bedroom wall. Every time Ruby sees it she calls me gay as fuck but it’s totally worth it.

“C-Craig! Look it’s y-you!” Tweek proudly holds up his coloring book to reveal a girl with short hair who has been modified to look at me. In the picture I’m wearing sunglasses and posing dramatically while one person in the background is screaming dramatically, and is colored like Tweek. There are two more people in the background. One is on their knees worshipping me just as dramatically with tears in their eyes, that’s Clyde; and the other person is standing there with their arms crossed looking unamused and that’s Token. 

“Holy shit Tweek that is beautiful and perfect. Holy fucking shit.” I plop down on the bed next to Tweek and he leans backwards against me casually. He’s still holding the book while scrutinizing it. It looks like he was coloring in the rest of Token so he’s currently only half colored in. 

“Y-You think so?” Without thinking I wrap my arms around Tweek’s middle and squeeze him. He’s so warm. I guess it’s kind of nice being fake boyfriends with him because normal best friends wouldn’t touch like this and I like doing stuff like this. 

“Fuck yeah. Can I add it to my art collection on my wall?” Tweek giggles. 

“Y-You mean the T-Tweek shrine?” Green eyes peer at me over his bony ass shoulder. He’s smiling playfully and I want to wipe that look off his face. I know one easy way to do it and it would be by kissing him but no one is around right now so we’re not supposed to act that couple-y. But fuck I think I actually want to kiss him, just kind of.

But I mean that’s not that weird, right? Tweek is pretty and shit. And considering we’ve already kissed and he’s pretty good and- fuck. I want to kiss him. Fuck. 

“U-Uh, shut your dirty ass mouth!” Not knowing what to do, and out of embarrassment, I reach out and shove Tweek’s face away from me. He makes this ‘eeping’ noise that is adorable as fuck and slides off the bed. 

“M-Mean!” Tweek reaches out and picks his coffee up off his weird desk that rolls over his bed. It seriously reminds me of the little sliding table things they have at hospitals so you can eat in bed. “I-I’m pretend breaking u-up with you.” He starts pouting and it makes me laugh. 

“Fine, I apologize you whiny bastard. Yes, I want to add it to my Tweek shrine.” I flip him off and the blonde smiles, sets his coffee down, and jumps back onto the bed. He crawls back over to me and sits down inbetween my legs so he can keep coloring. 

“Okay, I g-guess you can have it t-then.” Tweek glances back over his shoulder at me with his coy little smile. The urge to kiss him hasn’t passed and for once I wish we were in public where I could lean forward and caress those plush lips with my own. If only we were in public…

“Thank you. You’re a perfect fake boyfriend.” I keep my voice light and teasing hoping the words would seem normal and casual. Tweek just continues to smile at me. He leans slightly away from me and turns his body so that he’s slightly facing me. I had expected Tweek to get all embarrassed and sputter out something to deny it. Instead he looks slightly flustered, nervous, but still playful. 

“Is it r-really though? F-Fake, that is?”

“W-What?” I never expected to hear that from him so I’m speechless. Tweek’s eyes turn downwards and his cheeks are looking a little red. 

“I m-mean, is it really f-fake?” He glances back up at me and I’m surprised that he actually holds my gaze. Tweek usually isn’t this bold. His words make my stomach twist up again. His question is a good one though. It’s something I’ve wondered myself but never tried to focus on. I love being friends with Tweek. I never wanted to be the one to ruin what we have by making a move. 

I just also never expected Tweek to be the one to do it. 

“No, I guess not.” Finally I get my chance. I lean forward and carefully guide that delicate face to move closer towards mine. 

Our lips meet in a sweet caress and as cheesy as it sounds I swear to god this kiss is different from all the other ones. All our other ‘fake’ ones have been kind of forced and borderline awkward. They were like when you’re awkwardly playing spin the bottle with people you’re actually platonically friends with but secretly wouldn’t mind making out with. You kiss them trying to pretend to be strictly platonic and careful but really you want to really kiss them. 

I guess that’s always how it's been with Tweek. Fuck.

The kiss starts rather innocent but it doesn't take long for Tweek to turn in my lap to completely straddle me. Tweek is being awfully confident as his hands push my hat off to bury in my hair. 

I use my tongue to pry at the seam of his lips and he quickly complies. Nearly instantaneously our tongues twist together. 

I think my new favorite thing is making out with Tweek. 

After several long moments the need to properly catch my breath takes over and I reluctantly pull away from Tweek. I'm not surprised to see that he's bright red and breathless. And also fucking cute as fuck. 

“Shit Tweek,” I run my hands against his sides and his hands drop from my hair to my shoulders. “I didn't know you had it in you to be so goddamn forward.”

The blonde just turns redder and starts to lean away from me so I pull him closer. I quickly press my lips back against his because it's really fucking nice. Tweek is slightly shaky when I pull away and I worry that he regrets this whole thing.

“I d-dont! I, uhh, just p-pretended I was acting so that I-I’d have the confidence to d-do that.” I must make some kind of face because Tweek looks super worried suddenly. “It's how I really f-feel though!” 

I grin and kiss him again. 

“So, we’re,” I pause dramatically, “actually dating now?” Tweek scoffs and hesitantly pecks me on the lips again. 

“Y-Yes?” 

“Nice, yeah, I'm so smooth. See it only took me like 7 years of pretend dating to seduce you. I'm smooth as fucking fuck. So sexy man.” Tweek giggles. 

“Yeah, y-you re sexy as f-fuck.” Tweek is obviously teasing but I think he's secretly serious.

“I'm glad you think your boyfriend is sexy as fuck. I'll have you know, so are you.” Tweek turns an all new shade of red so I teasingly lean forward and lightly press my teeth to his throat. My new found boyfriend squeaks in both surprise and embarrassment so he pushes me away.

“I d-dont know why I agreed to e-ever even pretend d-date such an a-asshole!” I flip him off but lean back towards him. I don’t speak until our lips are centimeters apart. 

“Just shut up and kiss me you dick wad.”


	17. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Butters asks Cartman why he's so much nicer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay so DISCLAIMER I know just about nothing about the whole Butters/Cartman fandom. I don’t mind it, I just never really got into it. In fact I’ve never really gotten into any pairing involving either of these characters??? So this request might be terrible and OOC because I just don’t have the experience writing these two. It usually takes me some time and practice to get into writing characters. But this is good practice! Hopefully you’ll like it! I wanted to make this all cute and fluffy but honestly when I think of Cartman I don’t really see fluffy dramatic love confessions just more subtle Cartman being like whatever fine ok. (but he’s secretly like super embarssed also I tried really hard to make Cartman sound not abusive-y but this is also Cartman soo yeah) 
> 
> Isn't it weird to see a request that isn't Creek??

**anonymous asked:  
Prompt. Can you do a Butters/Cartman one where they get together. Love confessions and so on. Please? **

 

“Uh, heya, E-Eric?” Butters being nervous always bugs me. Like does he really need to be nervous around me? I’m not gonna like yell at him or whatever. I might scold him or something ‘cuz the kid could learn a thing or two but whatever.

“What is it Butters? I’m kind of in the middle of something.” I pause the video game and turn around to stare at the fruity blonde who’s sitting on my couch. Butters is wringing his hands nervously and his pale blue eyes are shifting around the room.

“Oh, uh, right. Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry you dumbfuck, just get on with it. What do you want?” I sigh heavily and wait. I don’t mind Butters. I mean there are some things about him I actually kind of like. Butters is pleasant on the eyes which helps. Like Kyle’s ugly ass hair just gets annoying sometimes. Plus Butters will do whatever I ask him to do. That’s always nice.

“O-Oh! Right. Well, ah, I was wondering why you’re so much nicer to me than everyone else. I know you’re a nice guy and all, but Kyle was just sayin’ something about how you’re way nicer to me.” 

God damn fucking Jew.

“The hell? Jew face said that?” I lean backwards on my palms and shake my head. Butters looks even more nervous but I’m too annoyed at Kyle to really care. “Ignore everything that dumb ass says. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Damn I hate people.”

 

“What! You shouldn’t hate people Eric. What, does that mean you hate me too?” Butters crosses his arms and pouts. He always looks childish and innocent when he does that. He can be pretty damn oblivious. Sometimes I’m surprised he hasn’t been like attacked yet by some middle aged pervert. He’s just real fruity like that.

“People are dumb.” Especially certain red haired jews who can’t mind their own goddamn business. “Except you, I guess.” I only add this to make Butters feel better because otherwise he’ll just sit there and silently worry for forever and that’s kind of obnoxious.

“Aw shucks, you think so? I think you’re mighty nice by the way. The other day I heard some fella call you some bad name or something and I just right out told them off. It’s too bad too I kinda liked him.” 

“The fuck?” I don’t mean to shout but I do. The thing is Butters is innocent as fuck and so easily manipulated. That and he’s fucking mine. Shit. “What do you mean you kinda liked him?”   
“Ah! Well I, uh, I just mean he was nice and all. I wouldn’t mind being his friend, ya know? But I’d never be his friends if he called you mean names.” His shimmery blue eyes are wide as I stand up and fall heavily onto the couch next to him. 

Even if Butters claims he wanted to be ‘just friends’ with this random stupid ass guy it isn’t good enough. Butters is mine. 

Mine. 

That small stupid chunk of icy blonde hair. Those stupidly cute blue eyes. His annoyingly sweet personality. His girly ass Hello Kitty sweaters… they’re all mine. 

It’s about time he learns this too. 

Butters looks like a deer caught in headlights as our eyes meet and I lean over to tower over him. He doesn’t seem to know what's going on but soon enough he will. Without hesitating I press my lips against his. 

His lips are soft and plush. They’re also hesitant as they carefully push against my own. As much as I’d love to absolutely devour those lips I don’t. Buttes is one of those people you just gotta take things slow with. Instead I pull back and use my left hand to push back his hair. 

“Mine.” 

“Y-Yours?” Butters nods slowly and opens his mouth to say something but closes it. This repeats a couple more times before he seems to realize what just happened. Unpredictably he turns bright red. “W-Wait!”

“Got it? I don’t give a fuck who you’re ‘friends’ with, but I want you to be mine. You got that?”

Butters nods eagerly, still burning bright red. 

“W-Wait, you like me?” He’s practically whimpering and shaking with nerves. God why does he have to be so cute? My face feels hot but I scoff off his words. 

“I tolerate you, kid. Jeez.” I roll my eyes and I’m surprised when Butters squeals and throws his arms around my neck. 

“Oh bisquit! You do like me! Oh golly. That’s great. I didn’t know you like boys too, Eric?”

“I’m not gay Butters. I can just like whoever the fuck I want, okay?”

“Oh, yeah, sure! This is great Eric. I’ve liked you for quite some time now, I just never thought you’d like me too.” It sounds like Butters is gonna start rambling now. Once Butters gets started he can go on for way too long.

“Yeah, great. Look, you’re mine. Just make sure you understand that. But don’t go telling anyone, now. I don’t want to deal with their bullshit.” Okay I just don’t know if I can stand people constantly bringing this whole embarrassing mess up. Shit. 

“It’s okay Eric, I know you’re shy.” Butters is giggling. 

“I’m not shy. Fuck. Just. Shut up!” I shut Butters up for him by kissing him. I hate everyone but I guess there is one exception. I guess it’s just a good thing he’s nice enough to not realize how much of an asshole I am. Whatever.


	18. The Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman starts a little 'game' with Kyle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I got a little carried away and ended up straying away from the prompt?? I’m soooorryy ahh. I hope you still enjoy it though! Kyman is another of those pairings I’m really new to. I mainly just tried a new approach to writing/ or a different style or whatnot. It was fun to play around withhh

**anonymous asked:  
There are a lot of Kyman stories that have Cartman being the one to make the first move and so on. What if it were the other way around? Can you write a fic in which Kyle decides he wants to be in a relationship with Eric, even if it's probably crazy to want this and he's the one confessing his feelings and making the first move? **

 

I guess this whole mess really started about two months ago. And just like any other mess it all started because of one Eric Cartman. 

I’ll be honest, I have a love hate relationship with that asshole. He’s manipulative, sadistic, and really no other adjective besides asshole is adequate enough to describe him. But, I suppose, besides all of his pretty shitty traits there’s actually a good side to Eric Cartman.

That’s right, I said it, there is a good side to Eric fucking Cartman. Despite popular belief Cartman is really fucking smart. Everyone says I’m one of the smartest kids in school? Yeah, I am, but Cartman may not be all that far behind. I don’t think he’s exactly book smart but he’s really damn smart in his own way. 

Besides being smart Cartman is actually kind of nice in his own manipulative way. It’s fascinating, really. He puts up this big bad jerk front says some shitty things, make you do some even shitter things, but in the end you’ll get something good out of it. Once I noticed this pattern it’s intriguing to watch it all play out. 

Eric Cartman is a person with hundreds of different sides and I could go on and on about them, but really that’s not what I’m trying to get at right now. What I’m trying to get at is this whole goddamn mess. 

Like I said, it started with Cartman, but it also started because of alcohol. Yeah, that one thing that starts a gigantic heap of teenage messes. 

When I drink… I get ‘loose’. I don’t like to drink for that very reason. When I drink I say dumb things I don’t even know I’m capable of saying. I say things that I didn’t even realize I actually meant. I don’t mind Wendy, she’s nice and she’s smart, but she also kind of plays around with my best friend’s heart. And so one time when I was drunk I called her a skank. 

Yeah. 

This fateful Saturday night, two months ago, I was more intoxicated than I have been before. One thing lead to another and somehow I told Cartman I think he’s actually kind of hot. Before that night I didn’t even know I thought he was hot. When I think about it though, I guess he kind of is. 

Cartman is bulky in that adorable puppy who’s secretly really muscular kind of way. He has your classic brown hair and chiseled face. But- his eyes. His eyes is where it's at. Cartman has brown eyes, plain old boring brown eyes. But they’re also plain brown eyes that I swear can peer into your soul or something. Cartman practically devours people with his eyes. It gets to you, trust me. 

Anyways, I called him hot, the next part is blurry to me, but we somehow managed to end up in some coat closet making out for god knows how long. The crazy part of this all is that Cartman is actually a pretty goddamn good kisser. I’ve kissed a number of people, it’s nice and all but nothing got me as hot as Eric Cartman’s lips. 

Of course he was still a giant ass about the whole situation, BUT he didn’t go spouting bullshit and try ‘bragging’ to anyone so that was nice. I guess. 

Alright, so I made out with one of my three best friends in the closet - which the irony is not lost upon me either, I am a sucker for irony. This became some domino effect because next thing I know we’ve started some new sick ‘game’.

The game is actually pretty simple. You seduce, or get seduced. 

Of course Cartman started it. We were all at Stan’s house in his room watching some b rate horror film when all of a sudden I feel one meaty hand running against my arm. Stan and Kenny were sprawled on the floor, somehow leaving only Cartman and I on the bed… under the blankets. Because it was cold, okay? 

Pretty much it would be hard for the other two to see anything we were doing. I had tried kicking Cartman, to get him to stop, but- no. Instead it turned into some version of footsies. Next thing I know, Cartman is running his fingers along my spine, going lower and lower when-

“Aye, Stan! This movie sucks ass, let’s go play guitar hero or something.” I was furious. His touch had felt nice. I didn’t actually want it to stop, but of course, it did.

And so the game began. 

I’m a competitive person which means I dove way too deep into this whole ‘shenanigan’. Cartman is Cartman which means so did he. 

This leads to yesterday. We were stuck as partners for some English assignment where I do most of the work and so we were at my house to work on it. The game was getting pretty intense at this point and so pretty much as soon as we were alone in my room I ended up pinned against my closet door - something I still find somewhat ironic. 

“So Kyle, you ready to work on our english project?” His voice was hot against my ear and his hands were pinning my wrists back. He was trying to gain control, but, I don’t like not being in control. 

“I don’t know Cartman are you actually going to do any of it?” 

“Well, I may not do the dumb ass project, but there is something I might do.” At that his mouth moved down to my neck and his teeth lightly scrape against my pulse point. As much as I’d love to deny it I actually really liked this. 

But- I’ve got a thing where I have to win. So I kneed him in the stomach. Yeah. I would have gone for the balls but even I thought that was a little low. Cartman had jerked away from me and I was free. I had slid away from him and sat down on the floor where the supplies for our project sat. 

Cartman remained doubled over slightly, leaning against the closet as he sighed heavily. Finally, he slowly turned around to stare at me with those piercing eyes. “You dirty ass Jew. That was low.” 

“Could have gone lower.” I shrugged it off and Cartman just glared. Secretly I was really proud of myself. I’m usually pretty quick and witty, but lately when I’m around Cartman my mind just kind of goes blank. 

“Pfft, I’m sure,” he rolled his eyes lightly and sat down across from me on the floor. I could tell at that moment that Cartman was in one of his moods where he’s a bit more open and actually kind of honest. I enjoy moments like that, where he stops trying to pretend he’s some big evil bad guy. 

“Okay, so the poetic elements of Sylvia Plath. First off, she’s a confessionalist.” 

“I don’t know, she seems more of a whiny bitch to me.” 

“Oh shut up fatass. I actually like her poetry.” Okay, so maybe Cartman wasn’t in one of those open honest moods. 

“Well Kahl, that’s because you are also a whiny little bitch.” I was getting ready to tackle Cartman when my bedroom door opened and my Mother appeared, holding two mugs of hot chocolate complete with a ‘kosher approved’ candy cane each. 

“Hey Buooby, I brought you two some hot cocoa. It’s getting real cold outside. If you go out make sure to bundle up, alright?”

“Okay mom, will do.” 

“Well your father and I are going out then. I think Ike’s off playing with his friends or something. Make sure he’s home by eight, will you?” After agreeing my mom let, leaving behind two hot beverages and me alone with one giant asshole.   
“Alright, Booby.” Cartman taunted as soon as my mom left. Him calling me Booby was really nothing new and I could really care less. He just laughed, unwrapped his candy cane and began sucking on it… very suggestively.

Okay then, time for some collateral. Desperate times call for some desperate measure. So I ‘accidentally’ spilled hot chocolate onto my shirt. But- 

“Oh, shit, shit that’s hot!” Nonetheless I peeled my shirt off leaving one annoyed Eric Cartman. 

Long story short we both ended up in our boxers angry as fuck. 

“OKAY! How about we just call a truce?” Cartman didn’t even skip a beat with his reply. 

“Only if you agree to be my slave, jewface.”

 

“WHAT?”

 

“Or boyfriend, same thing really.”

“WHAT?”

“What, you didn’t think I was playing this little game with you for no reason, did you?” Yes, I did actually. I really did think that. 

“You, Eric Fatass Cartman, want to date me. Kyle Broflovski?”

 

“Kyle Jewface Broflovski, yes.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me that sooner you ashole?” Cartman had started walking slowly towards me, moving me slowly backwards. 

“What’s the fun in that? You started this whole game when you were drunk, I just wanted to keep it going.” And with that he had me back against the closet door - don’t ask me how we keep ending up against or in closets - and was kissing me. 

Turns out when I was really drunk I had asked him out but then completely forgot by the next day so Cartman chose to turn this whole mess into a game. I couldn’t believe I had asked out Cartman an entire two months ago and was just now informed. Either way I got a boyfriend out of. I guess. Through one giant stupid mess.


	19. Happy New Year!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde bugs in on Craig's and Tweek's new year countdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!

anonymous asked: I love your fics ! Can you please do some Creek fluff and third-wheel Clyde? 

“But why isn’t Token here?” 

“Because he’s off in like Paris or someshit being a rich douchebag.”

“But why am I all alone?” 

“Because you’re single as fuck.”

“But why is Tweek here?”

“Because it’s Tweek you ass face and unlike you someone actually loves me.”

“But who am I supposed to kiss when it hits midnight?” 

“Well for a starters you can kiss my ass.” 

“But Craaaaig, that’s gay.” 

“Wow Clyde it’s almost like I like dick.” 

“J-Jesus Christ will you two stop a-already!” Bony hands scramble up to grip at distraught hair. Rather than looking upset Tweek looks pissed and pissed off Tweek is hilarious. It’s weird how such a scrawny little kid can also be so headstrong. 

“But I don’t want to be a third wheel!” 

“Then find a girlfriend dipshit.” Clyde makes some whiny dying cow noise before flopping over onto the blanket. 

There’s half an hour separating us from a whole new year and we’re all sitting in South Park’s shitty park waiting for the shitty fireworks to start. Tweek suddenly slides up next to me and moves my arm to drape it around my shoulders. I give him a look and he scowls slightly. 

“I-I’m cold.” Tweek hums. 

Clyde makes another dying cow noise and starts whining about how life isn’t fair. 

“So Tweek, what’s your New Year’s resolution?”

“Ngh! I d-don’t know?”

“Maybe you should cut down on coffee for the new year.” I’m mostly joking but Tweek still gasps appalled but refuses to move away from me. If anything he seems to move closer. His warmth is nice because it is pretty fucking cold out. 

“D-Don’t even joke about things like t-that.” Tweek sounds pretty damn menacing and it’s actually kind of impressive. 

“I think my resolution is to date twenty girls.” Clyde suddenly supplies, sitting up to push his face in between Tweek and I. I groan and push his face away. 

“Shut up Clyde, no one asked you.”

“B-Besides, there’s no w-way you can g-get with twenty girls.” Holy shit I’m proud of Tweek. I kiss him on the cheek and he giggles but Clyde makes another dying cow noise. 

“Stop it, please! My eyes are melting!” I feel Clyde’s feet kicking into my back. 

“C-Craig,” Tweek whines. I pull my boyfriend up closer to me and move into whisper against his ear. 

“Make out with me until he leaves.” Tweek squeaks but complies. I mean my motive is pure. Clyde is annoying and needs to get out of here. BUT I also do like making out with Tweek. So, really it’s a win-win. 

Five minutes later Clyde remains. But he still has yet to stop kicking my back. 

Ten minutes later he remains. 

I started groping Tweek, thinking for sure Clyde would leave. Nope. 

Another ten minutes later we’re tackled as Clyde attacks. 

And now commences operation Clyde’s a dipshit. 

Five minutes later I’ve managed to pin Clyde to the ground when suddenly the countdown starts. I try to get off him. Fuck. 

I have ten seconds to get to Tweek for the new year's kiss. 

Nine seconds - I start to climb off Clyde. 

Eight seconds - He yanks me down.

Seven seconds - Clyde wraps his legs around me.

Six seconds - I’m stuck. 

Five seconds - “J-Jesus C-Craig! Hurry!”

Four seconds - “Never! He’s mine!!”

Three seconds - “God damn it Clyde!”

Two seconds - His hands are on my face. 

One second - He’s making those awful fishy faces and he’s going in for the kill. 

Zero seconds - “N-Nooo!”

“HA! TAKE THAT TWEEK, YOU JERK. I STOLE YOUR MAN. HA REVENGE!”  
“CLYDE YOU DIPSHIT.”  
“WELCOME TO 2016 SUCKERS.” With that Clyde raises his middle fingers and ran away. Leaving me pissed and Tweek dumbfounded.  
“W-What just happened?”  
“A shitty year began, that’s what.” Finally I turned and actually kissed my boyfriend.


	20. Welcome Home!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek welcomes Craig home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second prompt in this ask will be one of the next few posted!

**anonymous asked:  
Oh okay! 1 with another jealous Craig and 2 with more angst! **

 

Craig’s been gone for the last two weeks on his annual family vacation to visit their relatives in Minnesota, leaving me alone to watch Stripe. 

I used to feel shy around Stripe. Pets are scary man. They’re so much pressure. You have to feed and water them and stuff. And then what if you drop them? Or step on them? There’s so many freaking ways you can accidentally kill pets.

Way too much pressure.

Craig absolutely loves Stripe too. I don’t even know what I’d do if I killed Stripe. 

Jesus.

I’d probably hitch hike my way to Canada or something. I’d be terrified of getting killed on my way to Canada, but then again I’d kind of deserve it. 

It took Craig weeks of begging for me to agree to watch after Stripe. Unfortunately I can never say no to Craig. We spent hours going over everything I’d need to know when caring for this Guinea Pig.

Stripe likes to listen Craig’s weird loud music during the day but the more relaxing weird music at night before bed. Stripe also likes his water flavored with just a drop of this strawberry flavoring. And every night you have to fluff his bed a little.

There’s a ton of other little things that Stripe likes or whatever. They’re pretty much rules I have to make sure to follow. Of course Craig would have so many rules surrounding Stripe. 

Craig is so cute. 

But I’ve discovered these last two weeks that so is Stripe. 

Like he makes this little “whee, whee, whee” noise when he’s all excited. Then his little nose wiggles. It’s sooo cute. I guess I actually understand why Craig loves this little guy so much. 

The other night I had a dream that Craig told me that Stripe is our baby. Craig was the ‘dad’ and I was the ‘daddy’. It was the cutest dream ever and I woke up blushing. 

Now Stripe and I are sitting on the couch in my living room waiting for Craig to come over. He had texted me saying he was back in town and would be home soon. I think Stripe knows Craig is on his way because he keeps crawling all over my chest and is making his little “whee, whee, whee” noises. 

“Y-Yeah Stripe. I know. I’m e-excited too. He’ll be h-here any second.” I pet his little nose and Stripe ‘whees’ again. 

“Tweek, honey, Craig-y is here!” My mom walks into the room with my boyfriend in tow. Craig doesn’t even look annoyed that my mom called him Craig-y which always pisses him off. Instead Craig looks as apathetically excited as possible. 

Craig stands in the doorway hesitantly until my mom disappears again. I watch as he slowly steps closer to the couch until he’s standing over me. He’s staring at Stripe and I blankly. I’m really happy to see Craig again but I can’t move because Stripe is still on my chest.

“H-Hi Craig!” I wave shyly and Stripe makes another noise before scurrying up to lay down against my jaw. 

“Really Tweek? No dramatic welcome back. No hugs and kisses? Wow you asshole.” Craig crosses his arm and scowls. He’s staring at Stripe. Does he want him back?

“S-Sorry! Stripe is comfortable I d-don’t want to move him!”

“Stripe’s an asshole too.” 

I gasp offended and put my hands protectively against the furry fuzzball lying against me. “Take it b-back!!”

“Give him back to me! He’s mine anyways.” Craig holds his hand out stubbornly and very reluctantly I hand back Stripe. 

“S-Sorry, I bet you missed h-him.” I sit up and Craig scoffs. Craig turns and dumps Stripe into the decorative vase on the coffee table. “C-Craig! What are you d-doing?!” 

“Okay Stripe you’re not an asshole.” Craig pokes Stripe’s nose who ‘whees’ in response. Craig turns to me and slowly walks forward. 

“Jesus C-Christ!” 

“Yeah I missed Stripe but I really missed you, you asshole. Obviously you didn’t miss me with Stripe around, hmm?” Craig rolls his eyes and I squeak in surprise. 

“W-What!” 

Craig abruptly jumps onto the couch pinning me down. 

“Did you miss me?” Craig flicks my nose. 

“W-What!” Craig flicks my cheek. 

“Or are you going to miss Stripe now that I’m going to take him back to my house?” Craig flicks my chin. 

“W-What!” Craig flicks my other cheek. 

“Did Stripe make you coffee when you were to lazy to wake up?” Craig flicks my forehead. 

“Eep! W-What?!” Craig flicks my nose again.

“No? I didn’t think so, you asshole.” Craig pinches my nose which makes me sputter in disbelief. 

“W-Wait! You missed me and not S-Stripe?” Craig scoffs and flicks my nose again. 

“Well I missed Stripe too but I missed you more. Fuck Tweek.” Craig flicks my nose again and I use my hands to swat him away. “You just had to be all cuddly with Stripe and not welcome me back. For fucks sake Tweek.”

“W-Wait! Are you j-jealous of your own Guinea Pig?” Craig flicks my nose again. 

“Just shut up and welcome me home asshole.” Craig flicks my nose again which makes me laugh. 

Only Craig Tucker would get jealous over his own pet. I wrap my arms around my neck and peck him on the lips. 

“Welcome h-home!”


	21. Eradication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek is poison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **OKAY MAJOR WARNING: This is a requested suicide fic. Major trigger warning. _Please_ stay safe everyone. If you can't read this please do not make yourself. **
> 
>  
> 
> \--
> 
> This is farther down my list of requests but I suddenly got some inspiration for it and had to quickly write it down. This will be posted on tumblr tomorrow (or technically later today).

**Anonymous said:  
Would you be willing to write a suicide Creek fic? If you're not comfortable about it don't worry about it. **

 

I’m tired. 

I say that a lot. I never even realized what I truly meant by that for so long. I’d lie on the couch with Craig and tell him I’m tired and he’d tell me to go bed which is funny because I can’t _just_ sleep. I’d just punch his arm only a little bit hard and get back to watching the movie. 

I’d say I’m tired when we’d snuggle in bed after we’d both wake up in the morning. I would say I’m tired while we’d take a long hot bath together. I’m tired when I’m eating breakfast… and lunch… and dinner. I’d be tired before, during, and after work. I’d be tired while walking down the stairs at our apartment. 

I’m always tired. 

Being tired is nothing new. That’s just something you live with when you’re an insomniac. But then…

Then I realized I’m tired of waking up every morning. I’m tired of trying to sleep every night when I really can’t. I’m tired of working. I’m tired of talking and dealing with awful people. I’m tired of watching Craig slowly crumble apart as he takes care of me during every awful episode of mine. I’m tired of smiling and laughing while there’s an awful pressure in my chest. I’m tired of Craig throwing away his life for me.

I’m just tired.

Tired of it all. 

Sometimes it’s hard to laugh. Sometimes I just feel really sad. Sometimes I just feel really angry. Sometimes I don’t feel anything. But mostly I just feel tired. 

There are many things that make me happy. They mostly all revolve around Craig. I love Craig. I love him so much. As sad and pathetic as it might sound he’s the one thing that makes me want to live. But sometimes I worry that I’m bad for Craig. 

He’s brilliant. He’s beautiful. He’s just amazing. I could go on for hours over how much I love him. I know he loves me too. 

I can tell he loves me by the soft caress of his hand on my face when I cry. He loves me by the outrageous laugh of his when I say something silly. He loves me by the way he picks hairs off my shirt. He loves me by the way he makes my coffee exactly how I love it. He loves me by the way he always plays my favorite disney movies when I’m sick. He loves me by the way he hugs me tight when we go to bed. He loves me by the way he softly presses his lips against my own. 

He loves me. 

He loves me so so much. 

But I’m no good. I’m decaying. I’m poison.

I’m slowly killing him. I’m a nasty toxin that is slowly being injected into his pretty little veins and eventually it will be his demise. My last-chance medication is starting to stop working. I just got fired from my last job. My episodes are occurring more often. I’m so tired. I don’t have a place in this world besides being by Craig. 

But money is tight. Craig worries over the bills. Craig is looking into getting a second job. Craig sometimes drinks so he won’t worry as much. Craig tries to handle everything. Craig has lost his last four jobs to take care of me. Craig loses sleep comforting me. Craig cries for me. Craig cries with me. Craig cries because of me. 

He’s still so gentle and sweet. He’s still so caring and loving. But he’s tired too. I can see it in his pretty blue eyes. He comes home with heavy shoulders and kisses me ‘hello’. He falls onto the couch and I ask him about his day. Even when it’s really bad he still says it was ‘good’ or ‘okay’ or ‘fine’.

He eats the food I’ve barely managed to throw together. He goes over the finances we have. He argues with the banks and the manager of the apartment. We watch a movie or two. We cuddle and enjoy each other's love. 

He’s happy but he’s tired. Not as tired as me. Not quite the same kind of tired but it’s starting to get to him too. 

And it’s all because I’m poison. 

Craig has so much potential. He’s such a beautiful creature but I’m killing him. 

The Monsters are coming back. I see the shadows darkening the walls around me and I know they’re watching me. They're silent for now but they’re waiting to strike. They’re judging me. They see how I’ve been poisoning Craig. They see how I’m killing him.

I’m trying to pretend they’re not there but they are. Once you know they’re there you can’t not know they’re there. You have to be careful to not let the Monsters get you. Once the Monsters get in you it’s hard to get them out. Sometimes you have to cut them out. They’re also poisonous. I guess it’s the one thing we have in common. 

I guess it makes me a monster too. 

There’s a Monster standing behind me. It hovers right over my shoulder and it's starting to whisper to me. It tells me I’m right. I am a Monster. I am poison. I am killing Craig. It makes so much sense. I just wish I had realized this sooner. If I had realized this sooner Craig wouldn’t be dying. 

_“But Tweek, you can save him.”_ The Monster whispers. _“Don’t you want to save him Tweek?”_

“Of course. But, h-how do I save him?” 

_“Don’t be silly. It’s so simple. When one is being fed poison what do you do?”_

“S-Stop feeding them poison?” 

_“Yes, Tweek, yes. Stop feeding him poison. What is Craig’s poison? Who is killing sweet little Craig?”_

“I am.”

_“You’re right Tweek. You’re killing Craig. Now, you must dispose of the poison. You must eradicate this vile poison.”_

“But how do I get the p-poison out of me?” 

_“It’s in your blood Tweek.”_

“So I have to get rid of all my blood, r-right?”

_“There you go Child. You understand. You want to save Craig, don’t you? You want him to live? You want him to flourish.”_

“Yes! Y-Yes! I do.” 

_“Then you must do it Child. You must drain yourself of that toxic nectar.”_ It’s whispers are so sweet and caring…

Most of the time the Monsters don’t make sense. They try to lie and upset me but this Monster is right. This Monster understands. It wants to help me. 

I must drain myself of this toxic nectar that is killing Craig. 

The Monster follows me to the kitchen as I grab the box cutter from the junk drawer. We haven’t used this thing in so long and it’s a little rusty but that’s okay. I just need it to fix this little problem. 

_“The best place is on the wrist. Right over those pretty blue veins, Child. Those veins will help empty that poison from you even faster. Just press that blade to your wrist. That’s right, just like that. Now press down. No, **harder.** There you go. Good child. See that little dot of red? That's the poison. Now drag it across that pretty blue vein. That’s right. Just pull real hard and deep. Good, Child. Now again with the next wrist.” _

“B-But it’s so messy.”

_“That’s good. That’s good Tweek. It means it’s working.”_

“I think I f-feel dizzy.” 

_“Then sit down Child.”_

“Isn’t Craig supposed to b-be home soon?” 

_“You’re right. He can see how much you love him. He’ll love you so much. You’re saving him Tweek. You’re a hero. You’re draining the poison.”_

“I d-do love him.” 

_“I know Child. Oh look, he’s home. He’s opening the door. Look Child. Show him your love.”_

“Tweek, I’m home!” Footsteps pound against the hardwood floors incredibly loud. Every noise echoes with a ringing clash. It’s so loud. “Tweek? Where you at?” The pounding grows louder and louder as Craig gets closer and closer to the kitchen. “Tweek, are-” 

The pounding stops and beautiful perfect Craig stares at me with wide beautiful perfect blue eyes. 

“C-Craig. Hi Craig. I’m g-getting rid of the poison.” I try to wave but I can’t move my arms. 

“Oh god.” His voice is shaky and I think his entire body is trembling. He looks sad. Why does he look sad? I’m saving him! “T-Tweek. Oh god Tweek. What d-did you do?” 

“The p-poison was killing you so I’m, aauh, I’m u-uh getting rid of it.” It’s getting a little hard to talk. 

With a thunderous bang Craig falls to his knees by my side. Shaky hands grip me and carefully pull me against a warm chest. I can hear his heart beating rapidly. 

“Oh god Tweek. Oh god.” 

“D-Don’t you see I’m s-saving you? It said it w-was how I could save you.” 

“It? Oh god. You’re having an episode. Oh Tweek, oh Sunshine.” His fingers brush against my face before they jerk away quickly. “I have to call 911. Oh god.” 

“Nghh… W-What?” Craig’s face is getting kind of blurry which is to bad because I like his face. There’s a really loud beeping and I can vaguely make out his voice speaking rapidly.

“...n-need help… immediately... o-okay… pressure?” I feel his hands carefully press against the drainage points. “.....P-Please hurry.” 

“Mmm, C-Craig. Who’s c-coming over? I h-haven’t made dinner yet.” 

“Oh Tweek, w-why did you do this?” I open my eyes and I can see Craig again. He’s crying? Why is he crying? 

“I’m s-saving you!” 

“No Tweek, y-you’re really hurt. But it’s g-going to be okay. The ambulance is on the w-way. They’re going to s-save you.” 

_“No they’re not…”_

“No they’re not. I’m s-saving you Craig. I love you! B-But my blood is, ngh, p-poison so I have to d-drain it to save you.” 

“W-What?”

_“You’re dying…”_

“I’m d-dying.” 

“No, no, no. No you aren’t baby. You’ll be o-okay” Craig has started crying harder. I really wish I could touch his face but I can’t move so instead I try to smile. He sees my effort and tries to smile back. “I love you, y-you have to stay here with m-me. Okay?”

“I-It’s okay Craig! I love y-you and now you’ll l-live. And t-then when I’m gone you c-can do all that cool stuff everyone t-thought you’d do. Maybe y-you can marry that hot babe y-you’d talk about in m-middle school. The blonde w-with a big rack?” I laugh because Craig was such a boy in middle school but this makes Craig just cry harder. “D-Don’t cry..” I love you, you can’t cry. 

“No Tweek, no, no, no. You’re all I need. I want to marry you. I love you. Oh god, I love you. I love you Tweek, just hold on. They’ll-” 

…  
...

_“Congratulations Tweek, you’re no longer poison.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I always put this out there with any sensitive material: if anyone ever needs someone to talk to, do not hesitate to message me! Please stay safe. I'm always here for anyone and everyone :) If you ever relate to any of my writing there's a good chance in some way you're relating to me as well. SO yeah, don't be afraid to talk to me!


	22. The Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman makes a bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggle so hard with Kyman oh man. I also completely forgot to upload this yesterday. Whoops. Well you shall receive another oneshot later! 
> 
> I am sorry at how much these non-creek prompts suck. JFC.

**Anonymous said:  
I have a prompt for you! That is, if you still do them. So, I know you usually write Creek, but how about a Kyle/Cartman one? As realistic but still fluffy as you can manage it? Where they get together and tell people about it and the reactions to that, maybe? **

 

“Hey Kahl, let’s make a bet.” 

“Yeah, and what kind of bet would that be, fatass?”

“This is a complicated bet. You wouldn’t be able to wrap your pretty little head around it. There’s several parts to it.”

“Did you really just call me cute…”

“Minor details Kahl, anyways first things first. The bet is that you will say yes. If you do not say yes, I lose. If you say yes, I win.”

 

“What the fuck kind of bet is that, dumbass. Of course I’m not going to say yes.” I cross my arms and turn away from one annoying ass Eric Cartman. 

“HA! YOU JUST SAID YES.” I groan and bury my face in my hands. 

“Cartman, no. Just no. You’re such a fucking dumb ass.” 

“You said yes, so I win the bet.” I glance up at the brunette who’s staring at me with a wide smug grin. 

“Yeah? And what’s the prize of this bet?” I push myself off of the ottoman and walk towards the couch where Cartman is sitting. 

“You now have to date me.” Cartman scoffs and reaches out to yank me towards him so that I’m sitting in his lap. 

“Dumbass, I’m already your boyfriend.” I reach out and run my fingers through his surprisingly soft hair. 

“Yeah, but now I’m gonna tell anyone.”

“Oh, yeah?” Cartman nods and leans forward to gently bite my neck. We had agreed, all two months ago, to keep our relationship secret just to avoid a mess with our friends. It was mostly Cartman’s demand so it’s kind of surprising he’d decide this. 

“Yeah, so kiss me.” I shrug and bend down slightly so I can press our lips together. 

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT, KYLE WHAT THE FUCK.” I screech in surprise and fall backwards off of Cartman who’s laughing hysterically. 

A shell shocked looking Stan is standing by the archway of the kitchen, with an impressed Kenny and embarrassed Butters by his side. 

“S-Stan!” I gasp. 

“I believe you three owe me five bucks, each.” Cartman stands up and holds his hand out to our friends. 

“WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU KISS FATASS?!?!?!” Stan pushes past Cartman and stomps up to me. I look around at everyone, trying to figure out what’s going on. 

“Wait, CARTMAN. DID YOU TRICK EVERYONE TO GET MONEY OUT OF IT!” I try to stomp over to Cartman but Stan jerks me back. 

“KYLE WHY DID YOU ACTUALLY KISS HIM.” 

“CARTMAN I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I’M DATING YOU. Shit- wait- I mean. Shit.” 

“WAIT WHAT.”

“Haha, nice.”

“H-Huh?” 

“HAHA KAHL, YOU’RE SO FUNNY.” 

Stan grabs me by my shoulders and rotates me around to stare at him. “Kyle, as my super best friend, please tell me you’re not actually dating him.” His fingers are digging into my shoulders and he looks a little red. 

“Uh… no?” Stan’s frown deepens. 

“Nah, they’re totally banging.” Kenny suddenly pipes up. 

“Oh, wowzer Kyle. You and Eric are dating?” 

“You’re right Butters. Kyle just begged me to date him two whole months ago.” 

“YOU’VE BEEN DATING FATASS FOR TWO MONTHS AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?!?!” 

“Stan, stop shouting already! Yes, for fucks sake. Yes I’m dating Cartman for some goddamn reason.” I groan and Stan gasps in an offended way that reminds me of his dad.   
“Kyle, fuck. I guess it’s whatever if you’re dating that abomination but you never told me? Fuck you.”

“Wow, I’m so sorry Stan.” I sound extremely sarcastic and I really don’t care. I shake my head and Stan shrugs. 

“But seriously. What’s wrong with you. Why would you date fatass?” 

“Eric can be nice…!” Butters exclaims. 

“I”m just damn sexeh, that’s what!” Cartman interjects. 

“I figured it out over a month ago.” Kenny supplies with a shrug. 

“Kyle, why? He’s insane.” 

“Yeah, I’m going home. Bye.” I ignore everyone’s shouts and storm through the front door. Right outside Cartman chases after me, surprisingly enough. 

“So, they took that well.” He says. 

“Fuck you Cartman.”

“You wish.”


	23. I Know So

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig confronts Tweek's problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drug addiction
> 
> This was inspired by a head canon someone sent me (about Tweek being a coke addict so Craig always has to help him with it) and considering my next request on my list was an angst I thought it fit pretty well. I'm back to school for the first time in a month and a half so I'm super busy playing catch up. I'm still aiming to post one oneshot per day but we'll see~

**Anonymous said: and 2 with more angst! (Creek)**

 

I like to text Tweek every day because even with how much of a spaz he is, he’s entertaining as fuck. He's kind of a crazy texter. He’s shit at spelling but one moment he’ll be spamming me in all caps freaking out about gnomes; then next thing I know he’s asking for pics of Stripe. 

He’s cute as fuck. Both Stripe and Tweek, that is.

But he’s also a little shit head that I sometimes want to throttle him to a figurative “death”… in the most lovingly way possible. Especially when he stops texting me because that always means one fucking thing. When Tweek has to go do something or whatever he’ll tell me. But he was in the middle of explaining his theory that cactuses might be aliens when he just stopped. This theory was also pretty damn funny but that’s beside the point.

Tweek has the most addictive personality that I know of. First of all, he’s been hooked on coffee since he was a kid. One time Kenny made him try smoking a cigarette and got him hooked; which then took months to get him to stop; which sucked ass because I like to smoke but now I can’t unless I want to let Tweek smoke. He says his therapist says that he’s even addicted to me. 

I don’t even understand that. Like, how do you get addicted to a person? 

I guess on the bright side I don’t really have an addictive personality. I like smoking because it relaxes me and I enjoy the easy repetitive nature to it all. Besides my unending love for Red Racer and Stripe (and Tweek I guess), I’m not ‘addicted’ to anything. 

Unlike Tweek. For fucks sake.

Because lately, that little shit, somehow ended up trying coke. That’s right, that shitty little white powder called cocaine. I still have yet to find out who gave my boyfriend that stupid ass drug but I’m going to kick their ass when I do. 

I’m livid really. At both Tweek and the fucker who gave it to him. Besides having an addictive personality, Tweek also has no impulse control. For a paranoid fucker it makes absolutely no sense. When we were younger he never tried anything. But now, when offered something he just says yes. 

Tweek Tweak over thinks everything but somehow manages to not think about the consequences of shitty ass drugs.

For fucks sake.

And when he stops texting me that usually means he's doing that new thing I really don't like. So at nine in the morning on my precious Saturday I bundle up in winter clothes and angrily storm across town to my boyfriends house. 

His parents are working which means he's home alone. I text Tweek several times telling him I'm coming over but there's no reply. When that fuck head wants his fix that's all he’ll think about. Jesus Christ. 

It doesn't take long to get to his house and I walk straight inside. I storm through the living room, pass through the kitchen, and into the dining room. The kitchen made me pause slightly when I catch sight of a pile of broken dishes on the floor. 

The scrawny blonde’s back is to me and he's hunched over slightly, his hands on the table. I'm not even surprised to see that I assumed correctly. A credit card is between shaky fingers as he pushes and separates a fine white powder. 

“I swear to god Tweek, I’m going to kick your ass.” At the sound of my voice my boyfriend jumps with a scream, managing to fall out of his chair. I storm across the room and despite how angry I am I try to be relatively gentle when I pull him upright.

“J-Jesus! Craig, you scared me! W-Why the hell are you here?” 

“Don’t even start you shit, I’m angry at you. You said you’d stop with this. What the hell are you thinking?” Tweek makes an ‘eep' noise and covers his face with his hands. 

“But C-Craig, I broke the dishes! I feel so terrible! My chest is like r-ripping apart, man! It’s all I can think about and my head! My head is going to e-explode, Jesus! I feel sick.” 

“I’m pretty sure that’s withdrawls dumbass.It doesn’t mean you go do more fucking drugs.” 

“B-But Craig, I need it.” Tweek tries making a dash for the table so I dart forward and sweep my arm out, pushing the toxic powder to the floor. “CRAIG WHAT D-DID YOU DO THAT FOR. OH GOD. NO.” 

Tweek drops to the floor in a desperate attempt to salvage what he can. There’s tears in his eyes. I hoist him up by the armpits. He’s shaking all over and his eyes refuse to meet mine. I was angry but now I just feel tired. 

“Tweek you have a fucking problem and I don’t think you’re trying to get over it.” 

“Craig, I s-spent nearly my entire paycheck on that. Do you r-realize how pure that was? Oh god I need it. I f-fucking need it.” He’s shaking and looked to be on the verge of a panic attack. It makes me feel a twinge of sadness that he’s so upset over something so trivial and awful. 

“Hey, calm down, would you?” I shake him slightly and finally his wide green eyes meet mine. The crazed look in his eyes feels like a knife to the gut. “That stuff isn’t good for you. It fucks with your brain. You’re a mess.”

“You’re a mess! Y-You don’t even know what you’re talking about!” He tries to pull away from me but I refuse to let go of his arms. 

“Listen to yourself, would you? You’re not acting like you. Frankly, I don’t like this you. I fucking love you Tweek but I don’t like this new Tweek.” Moisture wells in his eyes, filling me with guilt. Unfortunately I mean every word and there’s no way I’d take any of it back.

“C-Craig, what are you t-trying to say?” 

“I’m saying that you need to fix yourself. I love you, I want to help you. Ever since you started with this shit you’ve sucked ass. You’ve gotten over this kind of shit before and you need to again. You just need to stay away from these things in the first place. If you can’t do that I can’t do this.” His shimmering eyes are starting to overflow. 

“You w-want to break up with me?” Liquid streaks his cheeks as he gnaws on his lip. 

“No, goddamn it. But I might if you keep this up. I’m not going to stay with someone who’s tearing their self apart. You’re just going to end up hurting me too.” I fail to mention how it has already been tearing me up on the inside.

“B-But it makes me feel happy.” He whimpers. He’s stopped trying to get away from me so I let go of his arms and with a heavy sigh pull him against me in an embrace. I hug him tightly because for all I know this may be the last time I’d hug him. Tweek can be unpredictable. I fail to understand how addiction works with him. 

“And I don’t?” I ask. He pulls away slightly to give me an uneasy look. 

“Y-You do… but i-it just controls me, man.” His hands desperately twist into my jacket. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. I’m really just a kid still. I don’t know what you do to help drug addicts but Tweek is so important to me. I can’t just do nothing? “It m-makes me feel invincible.” 

“Yeah, but you’re stronger than that Tweekers,” to my relief this seemed to be what Tweek wanted to hear.

“Y-You think so?” I sigh and despite just wanting to frown I smile slightly. I’m so tired right now but I’m also worried. This newest addiction is known to be very addictive. I don’t know if he can really get over it but I just hope I can help him. My smile fades and is replaced with a frown. The thing is, can I really ‘fix’ him? 

After a long pause I respond to his question but I can’t help but feel like I’m lying. . 

“I know so.”


	24. I Need My Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek wears Craig's shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a short break I'm back to daily prompts!

**anonymous asked:  
Hi! can u write a one shot where Tweek slept at Craigs house but he forgot a shirt so Craig gives him one of his owns and it like over-sized and when they go to school the girls think its hella cute but the boys keep teasing them that craig prob ripped his shirt off while they were having sex.**

 

“OH J-JESUS MAN, WAKE UP C-CRAIG! WE’RE G-GONNA BE LATE TO S-SCHOOL.” 

My boyfriend jerks awake clumsily as he manages to flip over the side of his bed and land on the floor with a loud thud. I crawl across the narrow mattress to peer down at the noirette who’s staring up at me with narrowed stormy eyes. 

Considering school beings in less than ten minutes I don’t bother making sure he’s okay and instead step off the bed to gather up all my things. I pull off my pajama pants in exchange for my dark blue jeans but my shirt seems to be nowhere in sight in the messy room. 

“For fucks sake Tweek, what did I say about waking me up with shouting.” Craig is slowly getting up and I look over in time to see him casually glance at his alarm clock. “Oh shit Tweek, school starts in ten minutes hurry up and get dressed. We gotta get going.” 

I groan and get back to my search for my shirt. 

“Dude y-you need to clean your r-room. Where’s my shirt?”

“I don’t know. Where did you put it?” Craig is at his closet stuffing his legs into a pair of too tight black jeans. I didn’t mean to spend the night at Craig’s but I have a habit of actually sleeping peacefully when I’m around my boyfriend. 

“J-Jesus! On your floor?” 

“Well there’s your first mistake. I’ve told you a million times, put everything important on my desk. That way you can find it.” Craig has pulled on a shirt and jacket. I’m pretty sure he’s officially ‘ready’ for school. 

“Craig y-you’re desk is also a pigsty.” 

“I know but it’s a little less of a pigsty. Now come on, we seriously need to fucking go. I can’t be late again. Teacher’s a bitch.” 

“I like h-her.” I’m continuing to dig through the solid few layers of miscellaneous junk on the floor but my favorite button up seems to have disappeared. “F-Fuck, I can’t find my shirt!” 

“Just wear this,” Craig turns and tosses a t-shirt at me. It’s one of his cheesy cat shirts that say “Check Meowt”. 

“I’d f-freeze to death in this!” My boyfriend groans and turns back to his closet. I toss the shirt onto the bed and grab my shoulder bag from the corner of his room. When I turn back to Craig he’s holding out an oversized blue sweatshirt kind of shirt that has a few white planets and stars on it. “I need my s-space,” I read aloud. 

Craig is snickering and he's such a dork it makes me laugh. I shrug to myself and pull the shirt on. But of course a shirt that's a little baggy for Craig is just freaking gigantic on me. As soon as my boyfriend sees me he makes this cooing noise and pulls me into a brief hug. 

“If I didn't love that sweater so much I'd give it to you because you look cute as fuck.” Craig picks up his own backpack and grabs my hand. 

“If kind o-of doubt that but w-whatever, let's go. I c-cant be late man.” The noirette laughs and tugs me out of the room. 

Xxx 

We get to school right as the bell rings, thanks to Craig's terrifying driving. I have homeroom with him but unfortunately there's also assigned seating so while he's in the corner with Jimmy, Kevin and Clyde I'm stuck in the front with Bebe, Wendy and Red. 

Craig teased me about my seat on the first day of school and said it's because my hair is so long that our teacher probably thought I was a girl. I was so offended that I went home and got a haircut. My boyfriend then claimed my haircut made me look even girlier. I kicked him out of my house but even still today he claims it was worth it, he was laughing so hard.

Homeroom is also kind of a joke. Even though our teacher is so strict we really so absolutely nothing so everyone just talks. This means I'm stuck with the gossiping girls. 

I don't actually mind Bebe, Wendy, and Red. For being known as the triple threat they're pretty damn pleasant.

“Hey Tweekers, is that Craig's shirt?” Red suddenly asks from behind me. I turn in my seat to look at Craig Tucker’s cousin. I especially like Red because it's obvious to me that Tucker blood runs through her veins. She's very blunt and brash just like Craig and Ruby. She also calls me Tweekers which is what Ruby and Laura, Craig's mom, calls me.

“Y-Yeah,” this seemed to catch Wendy and Bebe’s attention because both girls pause in their conversation to look at me. Bebe, who sits directly beside me, reaches out and plucks at my right sleeve with delicately manicured nails. 

“That's so cute,” she cooes softly. She's grinning at me like I'm just soo precious or something. Its funny because she's wearing one of Clyde’s letterman jackets right now. 

“Did Craig give it to you?” Wendy asks with what seems like genuine curiosity. I glance across the classroom at my boyfriend who is laughing with our friends. I really don't mind the girls but I really wish I was over there with the guys. 

“N-No. I spent the n-night at Craig’s but h-his room gets really hot s-so I took off my shirt and l-lost it.” 

Red laughs loudly. “Are you kidding me? I was just at his house last weekend and he had just cleaned his room.” 

“Y-Yeah, that lasted b-barely two days.” 

“God Tweek, you two are so cute!” Bebe exclaims rather loudly. From across the room Craig seems to have heard her and he's shouting back. 

“Shut up, I don't do cute!” My boyfriend flips off Bebe then casually turns back to Clyde. I feel my face burn red. 

“Shut the fuck up you gaywads!” Eric Cartman snaps. This unfortunately gets the teacher's attention and the class is forced into silence as she lectures everyone on how swearing is sooo bad. 

Class finally ends and I meet all the guys out in the hallway in front of our lockers. Kenny has joined our usual group of Craig, Clyde, Jimmy, Token, and Kevin. When I walk up to the group Kenny grins widely at me. 

“Tweek, buddy, I'm digging the shirt. Is it Craigifer’s?” My boyfriend groans and flips off the blonde. 

“My name isn't Craigifer, jack ass.” 

Kenny ignores Craig and reaches out to tug me against him. He casually slings his arm over my shoulders. 

“It's Craig's! Tweek spends the night there _all_ the time.” Kevin quickly says. He's always eager to please. Jimmy and Token groans as Craig shoots a glare at Kevin. I'm pretty sure Craig doesn't like him. 

“Oh, ho? You sleep with Craig _all_ the time? Dayumn, Tweek. I didn't know you had it in you.” Kenny pats my shoulder and with a growl Craig pulls me away from Kenny. I feel like a rag doll being jerked around like this. 

“Shut your face right now before I shut it for you McCormick.”Craig snaps, but Kenny has a wide mischievous grin. 

“I have a pretty good idea of what happened to Tweek’s shirt.” 

“Ngh! J-Jesus,” by habit I reach to tug on my hair but long digits lure my fingers back down. I give my boyfriend and uneasy look but he's staring at Kenny with narrowed eyes. 

“I bet you ripped it off Tweek when you were a bit too _invested_ in the moment.” Kenny starts laughing which makes Clyde laugh hysterically and I feel my face going red. Everyone else looks annoyed and Craig looks downright murderous. 

“That’d explain so much!” Clyde exclaims happily. He covers his mouth with his hand laughs haughtily. “So Tweek, how was sexy time last night?” Clyde giggles. “Pretty banging?” 

I screech in surprise and without thinking I'm pushing Craig in front of me so I can hide. 

“Clyde I'm so disappointed in your right now,” Token deadpans. He turns on his heels and walks down the hallway. Jimmy turns to hobble after him. Kenny starts laughing and Kevin is giggling at Clyde. 

“Oh come on I made a funny!” The brunette whines. 

“I hate you all,” Craig deadpans. And with that he grabs my wrist and drags me off to our next class.


	25. Hollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig thinks Tweek has stopped eating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TRIGGER WARNING:** This request is about Tweek who stops eating due to paranoia thinking it's poisonous. Craig does wonder if Tweek might have an eating disorder and this piece is a little angsty (ends fluffy thooo!) so if any of these elements might trigger you read with caution/don't read! _stay safe_
> 
> (sorry this one is kind of short when i had first started writing it a few days ago i was just really struggling to get it going so half of it got pretty forced)

**brainsnotbombs: If you need some ideas I'd really like to see an angsty one about Tweek's paranoia getting to him and refusing to eat anything (thinking it might be poisoned, infected, etc) and Craig trying to help him eat.**

Recently I’ve noticed that Tweek is acting strange. 

Tweek acting strange isn’t anything new but realizing you haven’t seen your boyfriend eat in over a week is concerning to say the least. 

I really started to notice it all because he’s been looking scrawnier and just… hollow. The blonde has always been incredibly thin but lately he’s fallen into a zombie-like fog. He’s stopped shaking and at lunch he’ll sit at the table with his head resting in his arms. In class he’ll stare blankly ahead and the scariest thing of it all is…

I haven’t seen him drink coffee in three days. 

At first I tried to approach this casually by asking Tweek if he wanted some of my fruit snacks, or if he wanted some breakfast, or if he wanted coffee. And to every offer Tweek would make a sour face and shake his head. 

I thought maybe Tweek was trying to do a weird diet or something but when I asked him he flinched and grimaced. “J-Jesus! Why would I d-do that? I’m skinny e-enough as it is!” Was his reply. I then had to spend the next ten minutes reassuring him that I don’t think he needs to diet. 

After days of agonizing over what to do I decided it was about time I just confront my boyfriend. Friday after school I told him I’d be coming over and as soon as I arrived at the Tweak residence by habit I was in the kitchen making coffee for the blonde. 

Tweek usually bounces around the kitchen ranting on about his theories or his day but today he remained quiet and sat at the coffee table. Once the coffee was finished I poured enough in two mugs then sit down at the table beside Tweek. 

“Hey, you okay?” I usually don't get nervous or flustered but today I'm both. Tweek is probably the most important thing in my life and I have no idea how I'm supposed to approach this. 

At my question the blonde looks up at me with heavy eyes. He yawns slightly and his smile is small. “Yeah, I'm f-fine.” His eyes dart away to stare at the fridge. Is he hungry?

“Wanna make something to eat?” Green eyes slowly drag over to look back at me and his pale lips turn downwards. 

“No,” at this moment his stomach growls and his face tints red. The first thing that comes to mind is that Tweek is obviously lying to me. I’m kind of angry but honestly I’m just really fucking concerned. 

The next thing that comes to mind is that maybe Tweek is starving himself. Maybe Tweek has some eating disorder, like the kind you learn about in school. I feel dumb because I've always figured only girls get eating disorders but I guess not. I guess anyone could have an eating disorder. 

“You’re lying. Why did you lie to me?” I don't mean to but my words come out sounding angry and betrayed. More than anything I'm concerned. 

What do you do if your boyfriend has an eating disorder? Do you force them to eat food or something? 

“I didn't l-lie! Jesus Christ! I-I don't want to eat!” I push myself out of my chair and walk around the table to pull Tweek up. It might be all in my head but I swear to god he feels way thinner. Jesus christ. It's only been like a week since I've noticed he's stopped eating. 

“Tweek you've lost weight. You're tiny. It can't be healthy. Why the hell aren't you eating? Do you think you're fat or something?” I tug on his wrist and Tweek is turning red and angry.

He yanks his hand away from me and stubbornly crosses his arms. “God Craig, y-you’re such an ass. Do you h-hear yourself? I know I'm s-skinny, I think I look g-gross, jesus.”

“If you have a problem I'm just trying to help you, fuck Tweek. I've been worried about you all week. Have you been eating?” I think Tweek realizes how worried I am and he looks embarrassed.

“I've eaten a l-little bit.” He slowly admits. I fight the urge to cuss out loud. 

“A little bit isn't much, is it?” 

“N-No…” 

“Why aren't you eating Tweek?” I finally ask hesitantly. The blonde glances at me briefly but quickly looks away. He's turning red. 

“Promise n-not to laugh?” 

“Wait, what?” I was not expecting him to say that..

“I had this d-dream that the gnomes h-have been slowly poisoning me! And then when I-I ate I started to f-feel sick. So I s-stopped eating! I don't want to die man! Jesus Christ!” 

The blonde is staring directly at me now with a stubborn pout and I'm frozen. I had spent the last week agonizing over this mess. All because Tweek had a dream that gnomes are poisoning him.

I try not too, but I can't help but laugh. I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. 

“I t-told you not to laugh!” Tweek screeches. He's bright red and I have no control over myself as I reach out and tug his small frame towards me. I hug him tightly while shaking my head. 

“For fucks sake Tweek don't ever change.”

“W-What?!?” I kiss the top of his head and start to pull away.

“But don't stop eating again dude. Seriously. You were probably really hurting your poor little bird body. Now come on let's make something to eat. Don't worry I'll make sure it's not poisoned. I'll be your taste tester.” Tweek groans as I open his fridge. 

“I feel l-like you're teasing m-me.”

“That's because I am. But seriously, what do you want to eat?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, do note that Craig's rather 'ignorant' views on ED is not my personal view on it! Craig is just a helpless little dweeb who knows no better :)


	26. Cool Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek gets the lead in the school musical and suddenly he's popular.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got super excited with this request because i was like HEY THAT NEWISH ACTING HEAD CANON CAN BE USED but now I realize this would have also been a great opportunity to pursue that popular boxing-Tweek head canon. Darnnn

**anonymous asked: One where tweek becomes super popular and super badass butbhe still acts the same and he wants to stop being pppular bc everybody starts copying him and craig and those guys help him**

It all began when Craig managed to convince me to audition for the school musical. I had thought it was an awful idea. The only time I ever sung or danced is when I’m home alone and especially energetic. So when Craig was like “Hey, funny story Tweek, you have an audition tomorrow after school” I flipped the fuck out. 

In the end Craig bribed me that if I went through with the audition he would be my ‘slave’ for a week and after tripling my anti-anxiety medication dosage I gave in and actually auditioned. Then the craziest thing happened. A week later I walked into school and Jason, who’s a big theater kid, came running up to me.

“Did you hear Tweek? You’ve been casted as the main role!” And so I ended up being forced into playing Nathan Lane from Guys and Dolls. 

Craig was pretty damn pleased with himself that I got into the musical. He kept saying, “I told you so” and during rehearsal he’d sit in the auditorium and watch me practice. The next two months of my life was a chaotic whirlwind as I learned to delve into the persona of my fifties character. 

The opening night I had a panic attack right before the curtains opened but the ever supporting Craig helped me calm down. When the curtain opened I pushed Tweek away and I became someone else. To my surprise I absolutely loved it all. 

While being casted as a lead role in a musical was pretty shocking, something even crazier happened next.

I suddenly became popular. 

I’m not talking the kind of popular where everyone is like ‘hey lets be friends’ but the ‘ohmIGOD HI HELLO YOU’RE SOO COOOL’ kind of popular. I’ve remained relatively invisible in the background, besides a few different occasions like when Craig and I got together, so this was a shocking and new change. 

The worst thing about it all is that, as a senior, all the underclassman suddenly wanted to be like me. My signature misbuttoned green shirt became a ‘fashion trend’. Things I accidentally say way too much like ‘Jesus Christ’ and ‘Too much Pressure!’ became things I’d hear as I walk down the hallways. 

At first I had thought that people were making fun of me or bullying me but when I asked Craig he laughed. I remember he tugged me to a stop and kissed me right on the mouth in the busy hallway. 

And then… people stopped walking to clap and cheer. I was an embarrassed mess. Craig laughed and informed me that people admired me.

The guys all thought it was the funniest thing ever that all the underclassmen somehow idolized me. There’s been a ton of instances where they had to come to my rescue and pull me away from ‘fangirling’ teens. I honestly don’t get it and it’s really freaking scary man. 

I thought that eventually it’d stop but it’s been almost six weeks and it hasn’t. It’s getting to the point where I can’t stand it anymore. It’s stressing me out and because I’m stressing out Craig is stressing out and because Craig is all stressed he’s an ass too everyone but me and it’s driving everyone insane. 

“Okay you guys! I have the perfect plan!” It’s currently a Monday and lunch time so we’re all sitting around the table as Clyde suddenly speaks up. “You ready to hear it?” He eagerly asks. 

“No,” Craig deadpans. A group of girls walk by the table and wave very eagerly at me. I half heartedly wave back and turn too Craig with a deep frown. 

“W-What kind of plan?!??” We had just been discussing my ‘popularity’ problem moments before so I was desperately hoping Clyde’s perfect plan would be regarding that. 

“Operation Tweek is Lame!” Craig scoffs and flips off the brunette.

“Don’t flip people off at school,” Mama Token quickly scolds. 

“Tweek isn’t lame,” Kevin shyly adds. Kevin is always a little awkward around all of us because honestly he’s never quite fit in with our group. Clyde really likes Kevin though. He’s always saying that Kevin is his ‘brother from another mother’. I’m pretty sure Craig had responded to that with something about Clyde’s dead mother. 

I’m pretty sure it made Clyde cry and Craig actually felt bad. Craig is just unable to control what he says. Sometimes he even says real asshole-y things to me. 

“Noooo, you don’t get it. We just gotta make everyone think Tweek is lame so that they’ll stop worshipping him.” 

“You know that’s actually a really good fucking idea.” Craig points out. 

“T-They don’t worship m-me…” Everyone ignores me as Clyde eagerly explains his so-called brilliant plan. When Clyde finishes I don’t even get a say on the plan as everyone agrees that it’s a great idea.

And so I was forced into getting up and walking across the cafeteria too the lunch line to purchase a water. 

With a deep breath I tried to act casual as I walked back across the large room. I opened my water bottle and held it with the lid unscrewed. As I walked several people waved or tried to talk to me. Eventually I made it back to the table but as I circle around it I ‘accidentally’ slip on a conveniently located banana peel. 

The next part wasn’t acting as I screech as I’m careening backwards towards the ground. “Argh! J-Jesus Christ!” The cafeteria goes silent as I slip and fall backwards, roughly onto my back. My open water is of course spilled all over me. On the bright side my head didn’t slam into the linoleum but the impact was still painful. 

Craig is instantly out of seat too help me up and as I grasped his hand I waited for the laughter. 

Instead everyone began cheering. 

Craig pulled me off the ground and once on my own two feet people began to stand and clap even louder. 

“Encore!”

“Great acting Tweek!”

“I loved your skit!”

“Jesus Christ! Hahaha classic Tweek!” 

I froze in horror as the encouragement continues. I’m kind of flattered everyone likes me and all but at the same time I just want things to go back to normal. All the attention is just… too much pressure. 

God damn it. 

I turn to glare at Clyde and he’s red and sheepish. “Woot, go Tweek!” He tentatively cheers. I glance at Craig and he flips off the brunette for me. 

So much for Operation Tweek is Lame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay honestly when I was trying to think of my favorite musicals that feature a strong male lead the only thing I came to mind (besides Chicago) was Guys and Dolls. And then I kept thinking about it and scrawny blonde sassy sarcastic Nathan Lane played by Tweek. It'd be beautiful. Little fifties Tweek in a suit and tie. Yes please. So I just went with it. 
> 
> Kind of a random not important fact but yehh.


	27. What's it like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone asks Craig and Tweek what it's like to be in a gay relationship.

**anonymous asked:  
could you write about someone approaching tweek and craig about what its like to be in a gay relationship? **

School was alright I guess until the day ended and I stood at the lockers with Tweek. The blonde was crouched over putting away unneeded textbooks as some random senior student came to a stop beside us. I slowly turn and glance at this random brunette who was very openly staring at us. 

“What do you want?” I ask sharply. When school hours are over I’m ready to be going straight home and I have no patience for anyone who isn’t my boyfriend. 

“What’s it like to be in a gay relationship?” 

Tweek screeches in surprise and stands up so quickly he nearly falls over and I have to save him from actually falling. Thin fingers wrap around my arm and grip tightly. 

The brunette just continues to stare at us. 

“J-Jesus what!” 

“Seriously, what’s it like?”

“What the fuck do you mean?” I ask annoyed. The kid shrugs and casually brushes his hair from his face. 

“I mean I’m not gay so I wanted too know what it’s like to date another guy. It’s probably weird, isn’t it?” I want to punch this guy. This level of ignorance should not be possible. 

“Oh yeah it’s so fucking weird. It’s like dating your nastiest, greasiest guy friend. You know, like the one where you puke just thinking about kissing them.” My voice is dripping with sarcasm but this assface doesn’t seem to realize this. 

“No way, really?” The kid asks. Tweek makes a ‘guffaw’ing noise and his grip on my arm tightens. 

“Don’t l-lie you ass!” I have this weakness when Tweek cusses because it’s the cutest thing ever so I can’t help but smile at the blonde. With an annoyed frown my boyfriend turns his green eyes on the kid standing in front of us. “Do you h-have a girlfriend?” 

“Well yeah, of course. I’m straight dude.” He explains with a shrug as if it’s sooo obvious.

“D-Do you really l-like her?” The brunette nods. “You h-hold her hand and hug and watch m-movies and stuff?” 

“Um yeah, that’s kind of what dating people do.” 

“You kiss h-her, and she makes you happy? You t-talk about dumb things and k-kiss? You laugh? You enjoy y-yourself?”

Curiously I watch Tweek who frowns slightly and rolls his eyes. He gets like this around Kenny and Clyde sometimes when they say something Tweek thinks is ‘stupid’.

The kid nods. 

“Exactly m-man! That’s what it’s like d-dating a guy.” The brunette frowns as my boyfriend slams his locker shuts. The blonde slides his hand down from my arm and into my hand. His grip is tight and I can tell he’s annoyed. 

Without another word Tweek tugs us down the hall and towards the nearest exit. I feel smug and proud of this little twerp. 

“That was pretty great. You sassed him hard core. I love it when you’re sassy.” I inform him. Green eyes shoot up too stare at me incredulously. 

“I’m not s-sassy Craig! Jesus! He was just b-being dumb.” 

“Have I mentioned that I absolutely fucking love you?” Green eyes fix on me with a smile. 

“Yeah, I know.”


	28. Adventureee!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig, Clyde, and Tweek get stuck in Disneyland. Mama Token comes to the rescue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay Craig’s Gang + Mama Token prompts are my all time favorite but they’re also sooo hard to write! This took a few extra days but I hope you enjoy it :) I wanted to have the boys get stuck in a different country and have Mama Token come to the rescue but I don’t know enough about another country/ have enough time to research it; so instead enjoy the boys getting stuck in Disneyland!

**anonymous asked:  
Can you make one of Token having to get the gang out of some wild situation? **

Two thirds of us were ecstatic to hear we were going to Disneyland after graduation. Token being the rich fuck he is decided he’d pamper Clyde, Tweek, and I with a surprise trip to California to celebrate the fact that we all actually managed to graduate. 

Tweek of course is terrified by the idea of an amusement park. “It’s a t-tourist trap to steal your m-money!” He keeps insisting. Or he’ll say, “b-but they never check the s-safety of their rides! W-What if they break and WE D-DIE? I’M TO YOUNG TO D-DIE MAN!” 

Somehow with weeks of reassurement we still managed to coax the blonde onto a plane and exactly one week after graduation we arrived in Anaheim California. We all squeezed into a taxi and were brought to the over priced disneyland hotel. I expected to stay in standard hotel rooms but we were surprised once again. 

...By the fact that we get to stay in the Adventureland suite, which is a giant expensive sweet ass hotel room. The room is massive with multiple bedrooms and is decorated on point. The theme is kind of safari-ish but cooler. There’s animal heads mounted on the walls and old fashioned huge books everywhere and all kinds of rustic decorations and tiki face mask things. 

It’s amazing. So amazing Clyde cried, Token became all smug as fuck, and Tweek was speechless. I patted Token on the back for this one. I’m pleased as fucking punch. 

The first day of exploring the park was nice. I convinced Tweek to ride a few of the more tame rides and while they still freaked him the fuck out he did actually enjoy one or two of them.

The third day into our trip we’ve made our way to Tomorrow Land, which is my favorite part of Disneyland for sure. I made everyone, including Tweek, ride Space Mountain with me three fucking times. It was amazing. 

I think Tweek actually enjoyed it, besides the fact he was terrified for his life. He thought the decorations and star light things were really fucking cool. But that’s probably because they were. Soooo fucking cool. 

The fifth day of our trip was also our last one. By then we had already explored most of the two linked parks. We’re all exhausted. Halfway through the day Token called it quits and went back to hang out at the spa or something. 

Tweek was ready to go with him but I bribed my boyfriend into staying with Clyde and I. All it took was a jumbo sized coffee in a souvenir Mickey Mouse cup that came with free refills. 

The park is getting close to closing time and the three of us, Clyde, Tweek and I, are loitering in the haunted hollywood hotel where we shouldn't be loitering. 

“You g-guys I read online that its a-actually haunted in h-here.” The blonde points out for the millionth time. 

“That's the point Tweek, were waiting to see if we’ll see a ghost.” Clyde reminds my boyfriend for the millionth time. 

“J-Jesus Christ man! I don't want t-to die!” His fingers dart upwards to grip at his hair. Without thinking I’m reaching out to extract the digits from the pale locks. 

“Ghosts don’t even exists, it’s fine.” I point out. Clyde is scoffing and spinning in circles. The dumbass is obviously very bored. He kept insisting we’d hang out over here in the dark creepy corner labeled ‘stay out’ until the park closed. Then if nothing happens we’d leave with everyone else. 

We have to have been waiting here for like an hour at least and I’m tired and ready to go back to the hotel room or spa or whatever to hang out with Token. All of our phones have died a while ago, otherwise I’d check the time and insist it’s time to leave. I have no idea when the park is closing but it has to be any second now. 

Unfortunately Clyde is a stubborn bastard and insists something will happen. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Craig. Ghosts definitely exist. Just wait, you’ll see.” Clyde stops spinning to grin at me. Tweek makes a frustrated noise so the brunette winks at him. 

“The p-park is going to close any s-second!” He guffaws. Clyde sighs and waves it off. 

“Yeah but you can hear the warning when the park closes. We still have a while. We haven’t heard a single announcement.” I watch as Clyde steps towards the ‘hotel’s’ wall to study the old-fashioned patterned wallpaper. The brunette stares at a relatively creepy old fashioned looking picture. 

“B-But what if the park closes and w-we’re stuck in here! Forever?!?” I sigh and grab my boyfriend’s hands to keep them out of his hair. 

“That wouldn’t-”

Everything goes black and my two companions scream. 

“...happen.” I finish unamused. Either the power went out or they just closed the park and we somehow missed the whole memo. Somehow I got the feeling that we just didn’t hear the announcements from all the way down here in the haunted hotel. 

I feel Tweek cling to me tightly as his face buried itself into my side. I mechanically pat his back and groan. 

“God damn it Clyde I hate you.”

“Craig?!? Fuck dude! I can’t see a thing! Where are you? Fuck man, oh fuck. We should have left! Why didn’t you make us leave Craig! You’re the reasonable one! Oh fuck.” Clyde is stomping around trying to find his way towards Tweek and I. “Oh shit, oh shit!” 

BANG! 

“What the hell was that?” I snap.

“A g-ghost!?!?” Tweek screeches loudly. He jumps closer to me and it half feels like he’s trying to scramble up into my arms. I try to push him off me slightly but instead he clings tighter. 

“Nope! Sorry Tweek, that was just me. Haaa…” There’s loud footsteps as Clyde tries his hardest to reach Tweek and I. “Where are you guys?” 

“Over h-here! Jesus Clyde! What do we d-do now?!?? We’ll be s-stuck in here for forever!” 

“I still can’t find you guys and I don’t know ask Craig!” The footsteps seems to be getting closer and Tweek just gets clingier. I pat his back again. Clyde stops trying to get to us and instead just seems to be standing wherever he is.

“Don’t fucking ask me. God damnit Clyde. You’re such a screw up.” 

“Hey! Be nice! You thought it was a good idea too, okay. It’s not my fault you didn’t bring your phone today.” Clyde argues. 

“I didn’t bring my phone because I couldn't charge it because somebody was using my charger.”

“Did you h-hear that?”

“I forgot my charger! You said I could use yours Craaaaig. You could have told me no.”

“You g-guys..”

“Don’t try to turn the blame of this shit on me when it was obviously all you Clyde.” 

“J-Jesus! You guys!” Tweek is tugging at my shirt but I’m too distracted and annoyed at Clyde. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m tired and hungry and we have a flight in the morning. Now where the heckers are you guys? I can’t see a thing! See you should have charged your phone last night.” I groan and throw my arms up in the air. 

“For fucks sake Clyde-” 

“Craig!” I stop talking to look down at my boyfriend but it’s still pitch black. Now that we’re completely silent I hear a high pitched scraping noise from off in the distance. 

“Craig please tell me that’s you.” Clyde whimpers. 

“C-Craig…” Tweek hisses. 

The scraping stops and everything is silent. I honestly can’t believe this cheesy ass shit is happening but holy fuck what the hell is making that noise. I really fucking wish we had a flashlight or a phone that wasn’t fucking dead. 

Holy fucking shit. 

“You g-guys…?” 

FLASH. 

Everyone screams and I won’t lie; so did I. 

I wince and shield my eyes from the harsh glare of a flashlight. The light lowers and through blurry eyes I make out a security guard staring at us with narrowed eyes. 

“What do you kids think you’re doing here? The park has been closed for two hours.” 

Next thing I know we’re all being dragged to the security office as Tweek spazzes out, Clyde cries, and I just dearly wish Token was here to sort out this mess. I tried explaining Clyde’s dumb ‘ghost hunting’ plan but the guard doesn’t seem to buy it. 

Now we’re sitting in their office waiting to find out what they’re going to do with us. I recall mention of ticket for trespassing or something which made Clyde cry even harder. It’s honestly impressive how quickly he can cry sometimes…

The office does have a clock and I’m staring at it watching the minutes tick by. Eventually forty minutes have passed and my black knight walks into the room. 

“I’m here to pick up my children,” Token Black gallantly announces. 

Tweek, Clyde, and I don’t even have control over ourselves as we burst out of our stiff chairs to go greet our friend. Clyde throws his arms around Token’s shoulders and Tweek looks like an eager little puppy. 

“Alright, all charges have been dropped. Thank you for sorting out this matter Mr. Black.” The top-dog guard informs our responsible friend. 

Token smiles through his teeth and nods. 

“No problem, thank you for keeping an eye on these three. Now come on, let’s go.” Token herds us out the doors and five steps later he’s hitting both Clyde and I on the back of the head. “You guys are idiots and just cost me three hundred dollars to bribe them into dropping charges.” 

“Sorry Mama Token,” we chime in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELP i miss disneyland I wana go baack. (I went there when I was... 11? I deserve another trip now okay cool. I mean come on. Universal Studios is so close AND FREAKING HARRY POTTER WORLD LAND THING OPENS UP IN APRIL JUST YES JFC)


	29. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek joins the Tucker family for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL I tried so hard to mix things up and write in third person POV and it's absolutely awful. I'm so sorry! I hope you still enjoy this decently enough c:

**Okurinn said: Nice! Okay, um, since I’m boring I thought something like having dinner with ur bf’s family would be nice. You know, like them getting to know each other. Doesn’t matter which family you choose to do (either would be awkward and funny, I think). I hope you get what I mean.**

It was the moment of truth and Tweek was feeling a varying range of emotions. Panic, fear, anxiety… those were the dominant ones. He knew he’d have no choice but to push away all his fears and to face the night with a polite smile.

Because tonight would be the night Tweek Tweak must go to Craig’s for dinner to ‘officially” meet the parents. 

Tweek has known the Tuckers for the majority of his life but this would be the first time he's seen them since coming out as both gay and the boyfriend of Craig Tucker. 

Tweek was absolutely terrified. 

As his mother dropped him off at the light brown house, the skinny blonde’s body trembled. His legs threatened to give out from under him and his fingers itched to be holding a warm thermos full of coffee. Unfortunately there was no coffee in hand and instead he'd be forced to carry through with this nightmare. 

Before the teenager could knock on the door it swung open to reveal the one and only Craig Tucker. Blue eyes met green and in their short few moments of peace the noirette stepped outside and tugged his boyfriend against him. 

“Shit dude, you’re shaking. I know you’re freaking out but I swear it’ll be fine.” A soft voice uttered reassuringly.

Tweek sighed and happily nestled into the warmth his boyfriend emitted. 

“J-Jesus! It’s okay I’ve a-already accepted the f-fact that I’m going to die t-tonight.” Tweek admitted with a hesitant smile. 

Craig laughed and slowly retracted his arms. He grinned at the smaller teenager and shook his head. “Yeah, sure. Whatever, I swear to god my mom and sister absolutely fucking love you. My dad will deny it but I’m pretty sure he actually likes you too.” Despite the reassurance Tweek is still shaky. 

“Yeah, y-yeah. Thanks f-for the flattery but it’s n-not gonna help.” Tweek waved his hand and groaned. “L-Let’s just get this o-over with.” Craig grinned and reached out to ruffle the blonde's hair. 

“You did your hair.”

“My mom h-helped me.”

“I miss your wild mop already.” Craig bent down slightly to press his lips against the tame hair. “Okay l-let’s go eat. I'm starving.”

Xx

“So… Tweek, are you still working at the coffee shop?” The tension in the dining room was thick and awkward. Laura Tucker stared at Tweek expectantly with a rather forced half smile. 

Tweek tried to chew his food faster so he could respond to the question. The silence was unbearable. To his relief Craig spoke for him.

“Yeah he is. Also, Mr. and Mrs. Tweek offered me a job. I’ve been meaning to tell you that I was going to accept the offer.” 

Tweek’s eyes widen as both Tucker adults spoke in unison. “No,” Laura Tucker snaps as Thomas Tucker says, “good”. 

The woman turned to stare at her husband. “Craig doesn't need a job. Its his senior year, he should be focusing on school.” Craig and his sister rolled their eyes, used to their parents arguing, but Tweek started to fidget nervously. 

“We both know that boy isn't going to college. It's about time he starts working.” Thomas takes a bite of his food and stares heavily at the wall behind Tweek. The whole scenario is making him anxiously squirm. 

“He still needs to graduate. I don’t want him to go back to school years later to get his GED like his father.” 

“Do you really-” 

“SO TWEEK!” Ruby interrupts suddenly. “I heard you're in drama. I was over at Karen’s and her brother said you got a pretty big role for the play.” 

Craig watches as his mother shoots her husband a sideways glare. The two sigh and Craig rolls his eyes again. In all honestly he was pretty amused by this whole scenario. 

“Oh J-Jesus! Yeah I g-guess…” Tweek awkwardly says. Craig takes another bite of his food and decides that both him and Tweek have eaten enough. He pushed his chair backwards and stood up. 

“Cool, well thanks for dinner. We’re going upstairs. Come on Tweek.” He yanked the other boy up quickly. Craig grabbed the blonde's wrist and tugged him up the stairs. 

As soon as they made it to the safe confines of the noirette’s room the blonde jumped onto the bed and sighed. 

“That w-was awful,” he groaned.

“Really? I thought it went pretty well. They’re comfortable enough to actually argue. Soo, it’s like you’re part of the family!” Craig laughed at the sour expression on his boyfriend’s face. He plopped down onto his bed and tugged the other person against him for a slight hug. “Welcome home Tweekers.” 

“Oh f-fuck you Craig.” Despite his insult the blonde leaned over to press his lips against the other’s.


	30. Artsy Fartsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek and Craig stumble upon Clyde's secret stash of Creek fanart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAAA LOOK WHOS BACK FROM THE DEAD 
> 
> MEE THAT'S WHO
> 
> College applications and scholarship stuff got me all stressed out and I needed to take a break from writing but now I have the super important apps filled out and I'll hopefully be able to get back into the flow of this shtuffff 
> 
> I have.... 21 requests left ;A; I can do it!

**anonymous asked:  
How about a one shot of Craig and Tweek finding the yaoi art the asian girls drew of them, the art that Clyde bought **

It’s really hard to stay awake in English class. We’re currently reading Hamlet and originally I had been really excited. I mean a story where everyone says stuff like “me thinks” and dies in the end? Sign me up!

Yeah, except no one told me it’d be soooo boring. 

I know they call it old-english but is it really english? Because I don’t understand a word they’re saying. Like okay, “to be or not to be”? I don’t know man! Be whatever you want. Hot damn Hamlet needs to chill out. 

The only kind of cool thing about English is that I have it with my three best friend-o’s and it’s the last class of the day. That’s pretty rad. Ooh, also it’s Tuesday which means Taco Tuesday for dinner!

Hella rad man. 

I’ll be honest when the bell rang I was asleep. If Tweek hadn’t screamed “Jesus C-Christ!” I probably would have kept sleeping. Luckily my lovely twitchy friend woke me up.

“Tweek! Dude, you’re like my personal alarm clock every day!” I exclaim as I sit up and stretch my arms over my head. The blonde who sits in front of me turns around with a slight scowl. I want to aw as Craig, Tweek’s sort-of-scary boyfriend who’s also my bestest friend, glares at me possessively. 

My biggest secret ever is that after all the asian girls started shipping them, after they actually got together, I totally became their biggest shipper. I have a whole collection of the asian girls’ fanart under my bed! Craig and Tweek would flip if they ever found out which is why they never will see them.

“Craaaaig did I tell you I got the newest Red Racer game?” I stand up and glance over in time to see the noirette sharply turn their head to stare at me with wide eyes. 

“Red Racer: the Race through the Galaxies came out?” I want to laugh because my best friend is obviously excited but he’s trying to play it off.

“Well then, if you'll excuse me. I’m supposed to meet up with Nicole and Kyle for study group.” Token says as he stands up. 

“Wait! You can’t forget our secret goodbye handshake!” Token smiles at me but nods. 

“Okay, okay. We can’t forget the handshake.” Token holds out his hands and without any effort I slap the back of our hands together. 

“I can’t believe the newest Red Racer game came out and I didn’t even realize it.” Craig is telling Tweek. I grip Token’s wrists as we rotate our hands and snap.

“S-Sorry, I guess y-you haven’t been playing much g-games lately because I’m always m-making you hang out with me.” 

Token and I finish our super secret goodbye handshake. I glance over in time to watch Craig ruffle his boyfriend’s hair. Next he reaches out and grabs his hand and visibly squeezes it. 

“Dude, if I didn’t want to hang out with you all the time I’d tell you.” Tweek blushes. 

“B-But still!” I try not to obviously smile as Craig scoffs and pinches his boyfriend’s cheeks. 

“Alright you all have fun playing your racing game.” Token waves and leaves. 

“You’re coming over, right Craig?” I ask eagerly. He glances at me and nods. Tweek looks a little unsure. “You too Tweek?” At me including the blonde he nods enthusiastically.

As we walk to my house I remain silent and watch my two friends interact. It always makes me laugh when those two walk together. They’re constantly making fun of eachother and flirting and it’s pretty darn stinking cute. 

At the moment Craig has stolen Tweek’s coffee so in retaliation the blonde steals his boyfriend’s cigarette. Now they’re arguing over it. 

Oh boy. 

When they first got together I was a little apprehensive over it all. I was so sure it would ruin our friend group. I didn’t think they’d last that long. It didn’t help that I kind of had a teensy weensy little crush on Craig. I mean, who doesn’t? But then when they started dating I realized how perfect they are for eachother. 

Oh man I ship them hard. 

We make it to my house and the first thing Craig does is start making coffee for Tweek. I take the blonde upstairs to start up the Gamestation and load the game. 

I’ve just managed to turn on the system when I hear Craig shouting my name. I glance at Tweek and tell him I’ll be right back. I bound down the stairs and notice Craig digging through my cupboards. 

“Where the fuck is the coffee grounds? Did you move them?” 

“Yeah! My dad hired this cleaning lady and she totally reorganized our entire kitchen. It's kind of annoying but now our house isn’t a pig sty.” I pull the coffee from the pantry and hand it to Craig. 

“You’re dad seriously-”

“J-Jesus Christ!” Tweek suddenly screeches with a screech. Craig freezes and his eyes snap to the stairs. “What the h-hell man!” 

I frown and when Craig turns to jog up stairs I follow him. From the hallway outside of my room we can hear Tweek spazzing out. Craig pushes the cracked door open and when I see why Twee is freaking out I freeze. 

They weren’t supposed to find out….

“Is that what I fucking think it is?” Craig deadpans. Oh jumping jelly beans I can’t believe Tweek found them. Oh man they’re gonna think I’m sooo lame. Or creepy or something. 

“J-Jesus man! It’s the a-art the asian g-girls made!” Tweek is bright red and spread out on the floor in front of him is my super secret stash of fanart. “I’m s-sorry! I wasn’t peeking! I dropped my phone under y-you’re bed and I accidentally pulled t-them out. Oh man!”

Craig slowly turns to look at me with a frown. “Clyde why the hell do you own these?” 

“Uh.. I uh. I… I’M BEING FRAMED!” I don’t usually blush much but right now I can feel my face burning. 

Both Craig and Tweek are staring at me unamused. 

I can’t believe my super secret stash has been found. 

“Uhuh, yeah, sure.” Craig rolls his eyes and turns around to go back downstairs. Tweek continues to stare at me.

“I was framed Tweek. I swear.” 

“W-Well can I keep them t-then?” Tweek asks with a slight smile. I gasp and shake my head. 

“Uh no! I have to find the person framing me and I have to uh confront them!” The blonde rolls his eyes and shrugs. 

“Alright C-Clyde.”


	31. Obsessed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman becomes 'infatuated' with Kyle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KEPT FORGETTING TO POST THIS AHGHH  
> \--  
> Okay so I started writing this one and it turned into what it is and it isn’t exactly what was requested but I actually really like it! Sooo enjoy!! PS: What is written is of course not supposed to be ‘romantic’. Cartman’s obsession is unhealthy etc. (Like seriously, don’t stalk people, kids)

I don't remember when or how it happened. One day he was my annoying ass friend and the next… well next thing I knew I couldn't get enough of him.  
There's something _special_ about him.

As interesting and alluring as he looks its not just about that. Yes, I do enjoy the uncontrollable deep red curls and pale flushed skin. But more than that, his fiery personality is what absolutely seduced me.

He's always stood up for what he believes in. He has his morals and he sticks with them. For him there is no wiggle room. He’ll fight, no matter what it takes, to get what he thinks is necessary.

He's a good person. He really is. It makes me wonder how such a shitty person like me can be so enraptured by a person like him.

Kyle Broflovski.

I don't think I'd actually mind getting that name tattooed onto my skin, and I think all name tattoos are tacky. But his…

At first my fascination was small and acceptable. I'd invite myself over more than usual. I'd take photos and record him in a teasing away. I'd ‘borrow’ his scarf because it’s ‘cold’ out. I'd finish his food when he's full… It was all relatively normal and acceptable things.

But then one day there was a dumb English assignment we had to work on. Kyle usually pays attention in class but that day he was obviously day dreaming. He was spaced out and doodling on his work sheet. The margins of the page became decorated with little smiley faces, dreidels, ice cream cones, and other miscellaneous items. He even practiced his signature on the back.  


I had been so god damn distracted by it that when the teacher had called on me I had no idea until Kyle elbowed me.

At the end of class as we got up to leave Kyle dropped his paper into the recycling. We walked into the hallway and the thought of how it was such a waste wouldn't get out of my head. So I told Kyle I forgot something. I turned around and I took the paper from the bin and when I got home I taped it to my closet wall.

I think that's when it really started.

I don't even know what I really want from him. I guess sure, I think he's absolutely gorgeous and I’d love to fuck him but that wasn't what I wanted.

I want him to be _mine._

When Kyle got gum in his hair and I cut it out for him I kept the hair. The pencil he was chewing on and dropped in class one time lays on my bookshelf. The socks he left at my house once is carefully in a box under my bed…

One night I realized I left my backpack at Kyle's and I had a huge history project due. It was nearly midnight when I realized this but I needed my backpack. So I snuck into Kyle’s house to retrieve it.

I never knew it'd be so easy. I got distracted by the sight of him peacefully sleeping. He looked like an angel… I took a photo. I probably stood there for nearly half an hour. Then I took a bobby pin he sometimes uses, grabbed my backpack, and went home.

That was the first time I snuck in at night but it was definitely not the last.

I became obsessed.

As our senior year of high school came to an end I panicked. I had to go to the same college as Kyle. How could I live with never seeing him? I couldn't.

So I intercepted his mail and took the acceptance letter form the really nice school that I would never be able to get into.

There's three weeks of high school left and I'm making my weekly night trip into Kyle’s room. Every night I try to take something small that he won't notice. I'm trying to decide what to get tonight.

Maybe a piece of clothing? A random knick knack? Some pencil? A picture?

I silently slip into his room and just like always he's lying in bed fast asleep. He's wearing a gray sweat shirt and boxers. He always kicks the blankets mostly off in his sleep...

I'm distracted by the fact he managed to pull his curls back into a short ponytail. When I see the blue little elastic I realize how badly I want it more than I've ever wanted any object. I'm sure it'll smell like his hair for weeks…

I don't even realize I've walked up to his bed until I'm standing right beside it. I'm so close my knees are pressed to it's side. My hand is reaching out and slowly I hook my finger under the elastic.

Kyle moans slightly in his sleep. He shuffles minutely then stills. With a grin I pull the elastic free and instantly I'm bringing it to my face to inhale the delightful scent.

I let the hair tie slip around my wrist, and feeling oddly satisfied I turn to leave the room. But my phone slips out of my hand and crashes against the hard wood floor very loudly.

The bed behind me squeaks as it's occupant bolts up. I turn in time to see sleepy wide green eyes staring at me. Confusion turns to recognition and his lithe body visibly relaxes.

The way he yawns and stretches is absolutely enticing.

“Fatass? What are you doing here?” His voice is groggy and slightly deeper than usual. The sensual tone of it all makes me want to growl possessively.

“K-Kyle,” I swallow thickly and smile wryly. Years of being a pathological liar sure does has its uses… “Sorry I just-” I purposefully sigh. “I just didn't feel very good and I guess I wanted to talk to you. I figured you'd be asleep but I had to try.”

Kyle frowns slightly and crosses his legs. He pats the bed in front of him and I sit down carefully. I make sure to pull my sleeve down far enough to hide my new precious hair tie.  
“What do you mean you didn't feel good? For fucks sake Cartman it’s one in the morning. Why aren't you asleep?”

“I couldn't sleep Kahl, that's half the problem. I just felt really sad I guess. I don't know? I thought you might help.” I look down and bite my lip, waiting to see if I'll get the reaction I want.

Green eyes are downcast as he frowns thoughtfully. “You… felt sad? But why? Why in the world would you feel sad?” It was obvious Kyle wasn't quite ready to believe me. I've dropped hints on this for the last few weeks. I've been waiting for a conversation like this.

I just didn't know it would be tonight.

“I know its dumb Kyle, but… sometimes I feel like I'll always be alone. I feel like no one actually cares or likes me.” I put on my most pained expression and I almost grin when I feel a warm palm press against my arm.

“Eric don't be dumb. Of course people care and like you. You might be an asshole sometimes but we wouldn't be friends with you for no reason. I know you're nicer than you pretend to be.” I look up to see him beautifully smiling at me. Poor Kyle can be so foolish sometimes...

“I'm a terrible person though. How do I know you're not just saying that?” I bite my lip as Kyle frowns.

He inches forward on the bed and puts his other hand on my other arm.

“You're not a terrible person Eric. You make mistakes but everyone does. And I wouldn't just say this for no reason. I only say things I mean.” He smiles slightly and I know its time to kick this up a notch.

“You really think so? I just feel like you don't care for me.” My eyes flick to his lips and out of the corner of my eye I can see him mimic me subconsciously. He’s fidgeting slightly which means he’s nervous. I’ve planted the idea in his head and he doesn’t know what to think about it...

“But I d-do care.” He says nervously. As our eyes meet I know I've won. I have triumphed.

“Then prove it.” I carefully put my hand on his cheek and guide his plump lips to my own. Our mouths meld together and he doesn't deny me but instead leans in for more.

Let him believe what he must. I have won. 

He's _**mine.** _


	32. Happy Birthday Tweek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig gives Tweek his birthday present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a lazy child who keeps forgetting to post updates. Oops

**anonymous asked: Hello, can you do a one shot where its Tweeks birthday and Craig does something really romantic at school and Tweek is soo happy and keeps hugging and kissing him and all the boys (Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Jimmy, Token, Clyde etc) keep teasing him how cheasy he is but Tweek just keeps hugging him and tells all of them its perf(: lmao i just love fluff**

 

This morning was especially hard. I was planning on just staying up all night but instead I fell asleep at about five in the morning. This mean that when my clock went off at seven am I was incredibly groggy and just generally unhappy. 

By the time seven-fifty rolled around, I finally dragged myself out of bed. My actions became stiff and routine as I shoved my legs into dark jeans and slip on a dark blue sweater. I grab a knit scarf and wrap it around my neck thickly, wanting the layers to hide behind. 

At eight I grab my backpack and walk out the front door as a fancy silver mercedes pulls up to the curb in front of my house. 

It’s cold and gray outside. The atmosphere in general makes me want to go back to bed. Despite how tired I am I know it’s doubtful I’d even be able to fall back to sleep. 

I groan and open the back door and slide in. The back seat is empty so I sit down in the middle seat and slowly buckle up. The warmth is relieving and just sadly reminds me of sleep all over again. 

“Hey Tweekers,” Clyde greets from the front seat. 

“Good morning Tweek.” Token says as he begins to drive. I rub my eyes sleepily and wave with my left hand. 

“It’s n-not good. It’s evil. There s-should be no school.” I whine as I slide down in my seat. I pull my scarf up over my eyes and sigh. I didn’t even have enough time to make coffee… 

“Oh were you up really late last night?” Clyde turns in his seat to look at me. I pull the scarf off my eyes and nod. He makes a pouty face and then I realize something I should have noticed much sooner. 

“Wait, where’s C-Craig?” I sit up and look around to make sure my boyfriend isn’t somehow hiding in the car. 

“He said he had to be at school early. I’m sure he’ll meet you when we get there.” I groan and move my scarf back over my eyes.

I spend the rest of the car ride silent in the back seat as Clyde and Token talk about school.   
When we finally come to a stop at the school parking lot I’m last to reluctantly get out of the car. This day would be much more bearable if I had coffee. Oh coffee…

I follow the boys into the school and I’m greeted by the sight of all my friends which makes me feel much better. Jimmy waves at me while Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny continue to argue about who knows what. I realize quickly that Craig still isn’t here.

When we finally reach the guys they all go quite to look at us. Kenny pulls off his orange hood and grins at me. “Hey Tweek! Ha-”. Long arms wrap around my shoulders and I squeal as hot breath brushes against my ear. 

“Happy birthday Tweekers.” Lips are pressed against my neck and I feel myself blush deeply. I don’t know whether to be more surprised over my boyfriend’s rather touchy greeting or the fact that I managed to forget that today is my birthday. 

“Jesus C-Christ man! What are you doing?” I try to pull away from the embrace but it didn’t work.

“Damn it dude, I was just about to wish him happy birthday!” Kenny exclaimed annoyed. 

I’m rotated around against my will so that I’m facing the noirette. He’s grinning and slung over one elbow is a gift bag with a coffee thermos peeking out. Curiosity twinged inside of me and despite the fact that gifts in general really elevate my anxiety, I want to know what he got me. 

“I f-forgot it was my birthday…” I admit shyly. Craig’s grin broadened and he shrugged. 

“Doesn’t surprise me. You forget every year. Now hurry up and open your gift.” The pale blue gift bag is thrust outwards and with shaky hands I grab it. 

“Gift? What!? Craig you’re making me seem like a lousy friend!” Clyde whines. 

“He’s my boyfriend so fuck off.” Craig flips off the brunette then gives me an eager look. With a shaky sigh I reach into the bag and first of all pull out the thermos. It’s gray with a black cat on it. In curly letters it says “you’re purrrrrfect!”. It’s the dorkiest little thing ever and it’s cute and it makes me laugh.

It’s also warm…

“Does t-this have coffee in it?!?” The noirette nods and I grin. All I’ve wanted today was coffee and he brought me coffee. Oh man he’s the best. “Thank you!” I jump up slightly and happily hug Craig. 

His arms wrap around my shoulders and he squeezes me once then lets go. 

“Open up the rest of your present you dork.” 

From behind me I hear Eric Cartman clear his throat loudly. “CoughGAYcough.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Craig flip him off but I’m to busy digging into the gift bag to see what else there is. 

My hand wraps around a hefty bag that I automatically identify as coffee beans. Slowly I pull it out and when my eyes land on the imported brazilian brand I scream. 

It’s my dream coffee that’s also ridiculously expensive. It’s perfect. “You- You g-got me this?” I look up and my eyes meet Craig’s. He’s grinning and wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Hell fucking yeah I did. The thermos is filled up with that coffee. It took me forever to figure out how to work our ancient coffee maker. It’s why I was late.” He explains. 

I’m honestly torn between ecstatically hugging/kissing my boyfriend and trying this seducing coffee. Surprisingly the urge to thank Craig wins. I hug him again and even though PDA freaks me out I kiss him. 

The boys behind us are groaning and complaining but I don’t even care.

“You’re so gross!” I hear Clyde exclaim. 

“Craig it’s p-perfect and amazing!” I exclaim before kissing him again.

“You cheesy motherfucker.” Kenny says with a light laugh.


	33. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bebe gets jealous of Stan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually pretty happy to have a Bendy request because this pairing is super cute.

**anonymous asked: hello dude its yo homie. So i saw that you have a shit ton of requests and i thought i could add to the madness mwuhahaha. not enough love out there for the SP lesbeans, so if you could kindly write a little bendy story with a lot of jealous Bebe because Stan is suddenly all buddy buddy with Wendy and he keeps flirting with her until Bebe snaps or something like that. thnks m8 gr8ly appreciated**

“Babe.” 

Silence.

“Babe. Baby. Wendy!” Silence. “Windy Loo. Wendy! Hello? Babe!” 

Silence.

“Wendigo!” Immediately long black hair whips through the air as a pale face turns to focus a menacing gaze on me. 

“What the hell, Bebe! Did you just call me Wendigo? You know I absolutely hate that.” The black haired beauty crosses her arms and pale pink lips pinch together. Wendy Testaburger is just so cute and perfect that I can’t help but laugh. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me, I’m being serious!” Her refutation isn’t very menacing. 

She slams her book shut so I take this opportunity to lean forward and kiss her briefly on the lips. “You’re cute.” 

“I’m going to cut your hair off in your sleep.” She sounds serious and “threatening” but I know there’s no way good ‘ol Wendigo would ever do that.

“Puh-lease. You love my hair babe. You’d never cut it.” I smile but she rolls her eyes. 

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t test me! You don’t know what I’m capable of.” The flirty glint in her eyes makes me want to pin her to the table and ravage her. Considering her parents will be home who knows when I decide it’d be best to keep this relatively civil. 

“Oh no, I know what you’re capable of. I cheered you on when you beat up Cartman, remember? I remember. It was a memorable day for everyone.” 

She laughs freely in that way I absolutely adore. “That was way back in elementary school. But I guess you did, didn’t you?” Wendy grins and leans forward to kiss me. When she pulls away she turns back to her textbook and starts to open it.

“Hey! No more studying! It’s all you ever do. I didn’t come over here to watch you study.” I grimace and cross my arms stubbornly. 

“Bebe… You asked if I could help tutor you for History.” 

I push my hair over my shoulder and shrug. “Yeah and that was obviously an excuse. Seriously, pay attention to me! I’m a deprived child over here! Your super secret girlfriend deserves lots of kisses.” 

Wendy rolls her eyes but pushes her lips against my cheek. 

“There’s a test tomorrow Bebe. I’ll give you lots of attention later.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Now either study with me or get out. You’re distracting.” The soft smile on her face fills me with warmth.

“Puh-lease. You’d never kick me out. But I guess I wouldn’t mind getting a good grade on this test.”

“That’s what I thought. Now, which president served the most terms in office?” 

xxx

When Wendy and I agreed to keep our relationship a secret I knew we’d still have to deal with the occasional fuck boy who doesn’t know when to stop, but this? This is just too much. Stan fucking Marsh makes me want to murder people. 

Murder him, to be precise. 

Stan and Wendy have cringeworthy history but both Wendy and I thought that they were finally really over. But no. It’s only ten in the morning and Stan won’t stop hitting on my girlfriend. At the moment Wendy is crouched in front of her locker to retrieve her books as Stan Marsh leans against the locker next to her. 

Sadly my locker is across the hall but even with the good ten feet between us I can hear them clearly. 

“You know, Wendy, that dress looks really nice. Is it new? I don’t remember ever seeing it.” Stan tries to say ‘casually’.

¨Wow.. thanks. And yes, it is new.” I watch over my locker door as my girlfriend stands up, but before she can walk away Stan is standing in her way. Of course… 

“Did you hear about the new Italian restaurant in town? It’s been getting great Yelp reviews.” 

“Yes Stan, I did hear about it. Wait... people still actually use Yelp?” Wendy looks half annoyed and half amused. I wish she’d just tell off that clingy boy toy already. It’s long overdue. 

Stan shrugs. “I’dunno. Kyle’s dad still uses it. But we should go eat there sometime. Italian food is good. Plus it’s your favorite.” 

Wendy’s wide eyes dart over to glance at me. She raises her eyebrows and rolls her eyes. I smile at my girlfriend but I’m still really fucking annoyed with Stan. 

“Look Stan, I’m busy. Can you please move out of my way?” Wendy glances up at her ex-boyfriend but rather than moving away he steps closer to her. Jealousy burns inside me as he puts a hand on her shoulder. 

“Wendy, hey. Look, you’re pretty amazing and I was thinking maybe we should give ‘us’ another try.” The trapped female looks pretty surprised at how blunt Stan is being. 

I’m just waiting for Wendy to punch him already. But it looks like she’s getting a little flustered. She’s told me that it’s hard for her to say no to Stan. She’d get so angry that she let’s some guy have that control over her.

“Stan, I really have to get go-”

“Hear me out, would you? We’ve both grown and matured. I really like how we work together and now that we’re a little bit older I think we can really make it work this time. For sure, you know? Like, no more breaking up.” 

That’s it. 

I slam my locker shut and before Wendy can stutter out some halfhearted protest I close the distance between us. Stan looks surprised to see me as I pull Wendy against my chest. Without skipping a beat I press my lips to her’s and give her a kiss so hot I’m sure no one will forget it. 

It feels right to show the world that this babe is my girlfriend. Before I pull our lips apart I crack open one eye to get a glimpse of Stan’s pale, shocked face. 

I flip him off, pull away from a blushing Wendy, grab her hand, and drag the both of us down the hall. 

“Sorry babe but that fuck boy needs to learn his lesson.” I pause and smile. “Plus it’s about time we’ve come out anyways.” I casually look over and meet eyes with her. She’s a little red and dazed.. 

When she speaks she’s kind of breathless. 

“One of the things I love about you is the fact that you always manage to surprise me.”


	34. Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman has been telling everyone that he and Kyle are dating. 
> 
> Is Cartman serious or is this another ploy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao this sucks. I'm sorry. Kyman is such a challenge to write but I'm trying my hardest. 
> 
> The ending is kind of rushed and the development makes me cringe but I'm trying to keep these all shorter in length and this one was becoming one of my longest ones??? So yeah. Enjoy some rushed Kyman fluff.

**Anonymous said: Just re-watched the episode wherein Cartman tells everybody he and Kyle are a couple. So, prompt! What if years later people still believe that? What if he still tells people that? Cause Cartman wanted that the whole time for real, for them to be a couple. When and what would be enough for Kyle to get it and give him a chance? :D**

 

“Still dating? Well, actually, Kahl and I are still dating. Have been for long time now.” Eric Cartman grinned at the curious underclassman standing before him. “Weird ‘ain’t it? We’ve been together for soo long. I can’t believe anyone forget. Go ahead and tell everyone that we are still together. The world needs to know.”

“Oh! O-Oh, okay Eric. I’ll tell my friends and stuff.” 

“No, tell your entire class. Tell everyone you know. Everyone.”

\- - - - -

“So Kyle. I’m pissed at you.” I glance up from my book to glance at my best friend who is looking pretty angry. 

“Stan I’m kind of trying to study. The SATs are in two days and you know how important it is to me.” 

“Yeah and this is important to me.” I roll my eyes and glance down at the history textbook. 

“Can’t it wait two days? I’ve been studying for weeks now. It’s imperative I score well. I can’t slack off now.” 

“Stop using your stupid big words, it’s not gonna scare me off this time. You can either chose your god damn stupid studying or you can pick your best friend. Your call.” Stan is truly angry and I honestly have no idea why. 

I swear to god I haven’t done anything done lately. It’s usually Stan who makes piss-poor life choices.  
“Of course I pick you Stan. What’s wrong? Why are you angry? I swear I’m probably innocent.” 

Stan sighs and crosses his arms. 

“So the entire school is saying that you’ve been dating Cartman for like years. And you do making fucking googly eyes at him all the time but I figured you just like weirdly fucking liked him. But you’ve been dating him for years? Every time I’d ask you what you felt toward him you’d get all flustered and shit. But, you’ve never told me you’re dating him! What the hell man?” 

Not often am I left speechless but this sure did the trick. 

“What, you got nothing to say? Nothing to deny. Seriously, what the fuck.” 

“No! Stan, shit. I’m just really confused and surprised? I mean… what? I-I… I’m not dating Cartman! And I don't know, I don’t like-like him.” I honestly don’t know my feelings towards fatass but I feel myself getting a little red. 

“That’s not what the school is saying.” 

“It’s Cartman. You know how he is. He makes up all kinds of stupid lies. He’s a pathological liar.” Stan’s grimace lessens slightly as he stares at me silently. After a moment he shrugs. 

“If you say so.”

“I do say so. I promise if I ever start dating anyone, especially Fatass, I’d tell you immediately. Now is it okay if I get back to studying?” Stan shrugs and silently leaves the room. With a heavy sigh I turn back to my books. 

\- - -

“Hey Kahl, how’d you r SATs go?” 

“Cartman… Why the fuck are you holding my hand?” I glance over at the slightly taller thick brunette who stares at me with a smirk. 

“Just showing some love, boyfriend.” I pull away from him and flip him off.

“Don’t talk to me. I’m not your boyfriend fuck face.” 

\- - -

34… 15… 9. 

click. 

“What the actual fuck.” There’s a slight thud against the locker door as one chubby brunette stares at me. 

“Happy like six year anniversary or whatever, Kahl.” 

“Cartman, what the hell is this?” I stare at the large contents shoved into my locker horrified. 

“It’s obviously a giant teddy bear.” 

“But… why?” 

“Because we’ve been together for sooo long.” I spin around to stare at Cartman. I feel a little flushed and my stomach is doing weird annoying things. 

“Cartman this is one of your weirdest stunts. Please just stop. What the hell are you trying to achieve with this?” I ask hesitantly. 

I honestly expect Cartman to grin or laugh or do something equally sadistic but instead he sighs and shakes his head slightly. 

“Im being serious Kyle. Maybe we're not actually in a relationship but we could be. I’d rock your world.” I'm left once again speechless as Cartman smiles slightly and winks. Without another word he turns and walks away. Slowly I turn back to my locker and stare at the giant cream teddy bear that's hugging a red heart. 

I notice a sticky note on the giant bears shoulder. 

I know that that one faggy lovers holiday isn't for a few weeks but I guess it'd be pretty cool if you were my Valentine. B my Valentine? 

The note isn't sickly sweet like his ploys usually are... I think he might actually be serious.

“Oh shit.”

\- - -

I spent all of last night staring at that stupid huge teddy bear while thinking of Cartman. I really don't know how I feel about him but I know I'm definitely feeling something. I couldn't sleep nor could I get him out of my head.

By the time morning rolled around I realized I was ready to confront him about it. I don't know what I was going to do or say but I know it needs to happen. 

But… when I got to school he avoided me. I tried my hardest to catch him. After school I went to his house but nothing worked. 

So I tried again the next day. And the day after that. And then the day after that.

A week passed of him completely avoiding me. 

Stan stopped talking to me and stuck to Wendy. Everything began turning into a mess. 

Finally, exactly a week after the teddy bear confrontation I ran into him. It was the middle of class so I left to go to to the bathroom. I walked in and to my surprise he was standing at the sinks, washing his hands. 

When he caught sight of me he visibly paled. I couldn’t find the will in me to move out of his way as he finished washing his hands. 

“I need to get back to class.” He says levelly. I swallow thickly and shake my head. 

“Can we talk?” Cartman rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. 

“I was kidding you know. About valentine's day. I was messin with you Kahl. Did it work?” He’s smiling cockily but I know he’s lying. He’s trying to play it all off. 

“But you weren’t.” 

“Kyle, I need to get back to class. I’ve been gone for half the class. Move.” He steps closer to me in hopes I’d move but against my will I instead move closer to him. The hooded look in his eyes and thin lips turned down at the corners are hard to look away from.

What would it be like to kiss Eric Cartman?

I don’t know who moves but the next thing I know our lips are locked together and his hands are gripping my shoulders. Kissing him isn’t what I expected. It feels possessive but sweet and caring. 

It makes me wonder who Eric Cartman really is. 

When our lips separate I glance up at him with heavy eyes. “Be my valentine?” I whisper.

He responds with a sweet embrace.


	35. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig breaks his wrist and Tweek feels bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had the worst case of strep throat for the past week it was awful. I was running fevers over 103 and I couldn't talk and it was torture. But luckily it's nearly gone and I'm not delirious with fever anymore. I can write agaaaain.
> 
> Now take some Creek drabble. I've been needing me some Creek

**Anonymous said:  
Hurt/Comfort prompt. So, I don't care if it's Craig/Tweek. Kyle/Cartman. Or Butters/Cartman. You decide. :3 But imagine one person is hurt, let's say, like a broken arm, a cast is fucking annoying sometimes, there is lots of stuff you can't do or have problems with when you have a full cast from the fingertips up, with the wrong move it hurts like hell too. Depending on the pairing the 'comfort' or help from the other person might look very different. :3 **

It all started two weeks ago when I volunteered to help out of the Tweak family at their coffee shop. At the time there was some big convention taking place in town and therefore the shop was way busier than usual. Tweek was super stressed out so of course I agreed to help out my boyfriend. 

Little did I know that I signed up for a nightmare. 

The shop was so busy that the cute flirty messing around that I pictured in my head was but only a dream. Instead we were both a sweaty mess as we slaved over coffee makers, dealt with rude assholes, and cleaned mess after mess. 

It wasn't cute or fun. Tweek is cute and I'm fun but working at the shop that weekend was not.

And then it got worst. 

The last day of the convention was probably the busiest. Business men and women alike were in and out non stop as they wrapped up whatever shit brought them to South Park. And then there were waves of people grabbing a coffee before they caught a flight out of South Park. It was a mess.

It was a little after four PM when business slowed down to a bearable handful of people. There was no new orders to make so Tweek took the opportunity to make himself a much needed coffee. I was cleaning the counters, blah blah blah, when suddenly I hear the blonde cry out in pain.

The dork managed to drop his coffee and spill the burning ass liquid all over his hands. At the time it looked really freaking bad and my boyfriend doesn't handle pain very well so he was starting to freak out. 

He was starting to make me freak out.

"Oh shit dude!" I exclaimed, turning around. I had dart forward to help him but whoop di-doo I step in the spilt coffee that happens to be pretty damn slick. 

So of course I fall. 

And of course if I fall I don't just fall. I also hurt myself. In fact, I break my wrist. Really fucking badly. It's not just a little crack or anything. No. I'm talking a really bad fucking break where you look at that bent wrist and you just know that shit is fucked up. 

It belonged in a sick ass action movie. It was painful and nasty and the bone pierced my skin a little so there was some blood. But my boyfriend's hands were still burnt. But now my wrist is a bloody broken ass mess. 

So now not only is Tweek really freaking out but now I'm in agonizing pain and there's fifteen or so people staring at us helpless looking children. Which we're not. We're not children but we were helpless.

When I think back to it, I'm really surprised Tweek didn't faint or anything. 

In the end some random customer had to call for an ambulance because Tweek was freaking out too much to call my parents or his parents to take me to the hospital. Tweek's hands were fine. Go figure. But I was not. 

Go figure. 

So now, two weeks after brutally breaking my wrist, things are kind of a mess. Luckily it's summer break but I've discovered things really fucking suck when you can't use your dominant hand.

Eating is hard. Brushing my teeth is hard. Puting on my pants is hard. Playing video games is hard. Using the goddamn TV remote is hard. Everything is fucking hard.

Clyde laughs when he watches me struggle. 

Token bites his lip as he tries not to smile but instead offers kind words and gentle support. 

Tweek goes bat shit crazy. He's constantly doting over me and trying to do everything. He feels absolutely awful.

He thinks it's his fault my wrist is broken. Technically it is but there's no way I'm telling him that. 

"Hey Craig d-do you want another p-piece of pizza?" My boyfriend asks from beside me. This is probably the fourth time he’s offered me pizza today.

"If I want another piece of pizza I can get it myself dude." 

"W-Well... yeah. But I can h-help too!" I glance over to meet worried green eyes and I smile halfheartedly. 

"I know you can help but it's fine Tweekers. I'm not dying or anything." His eyes dart to glance at my annoying itchy ass stiff blue cast. Clyde drew dicks all over it which I think is hilarious but my mom threw a huge bitch fit over it. My dad snickered. 

Tweek's parents thinks it looks nice. 

Ha.

"D-Does it hurt?" He whimpers. I want to reach out and ruffle his hair but he's on my right side and since my right hand is covered in a cast I can't.

"Nah man, I can't feel a thing." Actually it's a constant dull ache but I'm on so much ibuprofen it's not as bad. 

"YOU L-LOST FEELING IN THAT A-ARM? OH MAN! YOU W-WON'T FEEL ANYTHING EVER A-AGAIN AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!?!? J-JESUS CHRI-" I use my free hand to reach out and grab Tweek's hand that's tugging at his hair.

"Tweek, fuck. No, I meant I don't feel any pain. It's fine. My nerves or whatever work just fine. Chill out.” The TV in my room is playing Red Racer and the middle of a big race is playing. It’s really distracting. I’m trying to concentrate on my boyfriend who’s freaking the fuck out but fuck man. He’s gonna beat the Yellow Racer dude.

“You p-promise?”

“Yep-p.” I pop the ‘p’ and my boyfriend looks satisfied. He settles down and I’m relieved I get to see the sick ass chase scene that’s about to happen.

“Is there a-anything I can do to h-help?” Tweek’s voice is higher than usual and it’s awfully timid. I glance back over at the blonde but he’s avoiding my eye contact. His shoulders are hunched downwards and his fingers play with the frayed edge of his green sweater. 

Seeing his downcast eyes and pouty lips being gnawed on for some reason reminds me of how much I fucking love this dweeb.

“Well,” I clear my throat somewhat nervously and shrug casually. “Well, I guess there’s one thing you could always do.” I watch him eagerly perk up and glance at me.

“There is?”

“Yeah, but I’m not sure if you’re able to do it man. But it’d be soooo cool if you could.”   
“I’ll d-do it! I swear! I can do it C-Craig!” Tweek is so eager he’s moved onto his knees and is tugging on my shoulder. 

I clear my throat again. “Well,” I swallow, “you could kiss me?”

I expect my bashful boyfriend to get all red and flustered but to my surprise he just throws his head back and laughs. When he finally stops laughing (which is making me embarrassed and red by the way) he has tears in his eyes but he’s smiling so wide his teeth are showing.

“Do you r-really have to ask?”


	36. Like or something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig is drunk and wants to tell Tweek something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I just love writing from the perspective of drunk people. It's had but it's fun.
> 
> If alcohol is a trigger for you, don't read. If underage drinking is a problem to you, don't read. If you don't like drinking in general, don't read. Because this is all about drunk Craig :)
> 
>  
> 
> ALso YES. Look at me. Two updates in one night! (at two in the morning with school tomorrow haaaa)

**Anonymous said:  
one shot about drunk craig in a party confessing his love for tweek :0c and if you want to add something extra !! **

When is he going to be here? It’s so important. He should be here by now. It’s been like… I don’t know. But it’s been a while. Waaaay to long. So long. Hey- wow what’s that? That looks good. Mmmm.. yummy. It’s like blue.

“WOah, dude.” I try to grab Clyde’s shoulder but I miss and more grab his elbow but it works. I pull hard. I need to get his attention. Like ffffuuuck. “Clyde- dude. What is that. What. Is. That. That looks good. It’s bue. I like blue. Dude- Clyde, give it to me. I want it.”

Clyde is laughing hysterically over nothing and the pretty blue drink in his hand sloshes and part of it spills onto the kitchen floor. “I don’t-” Clyde has to cut off to laugh, “know man-” he laughs more, “it’s blue!” 

I think he’s drunk. It’s pretty funny but then again I think too. That I’m drunk. I’m drunk too. 

Drunk rhymes with trunk. Ha.

“I’m taking it jack hass.” I declare. I reach out to take the spilling blue drink and instead nearly punch it out of Clyde’s grip. 

“Hey!” He exclaims before beginning to laugh hysterically once again. I successfully manage to take the drink and when I take a sip it kind of tastes like Mountain Dew Voltage mixed with vodka. 

When I glance at the counter I realize that’s exactly what it is but it’s good and I like drunk so I declare the drink mine. 

Jimmy Valmer comes into the room holding an empty red solo cup and I remember that he’s supposed to be here already.

Not Jimmy. Jimmy can be here whenever, I don’t care. No. Someone else is supposed to be here. I’ve been waiting ages. I want to see him.   
Where the hecka duckeroo is he. Ha. Hecka duckeroo. 

“Craig! Man, hey!” I glance up as Kenneth McCormick enters the room carrying a six pack. I half heartedly wave at Kenny and I feel like it’s important that he’s here but I’m not sure why.

“Why do you matter?” I ask, thinking aloud. Kenny laughs at my rude question and after he sets the beers onto the counter he elbows my side. The movement makes me spill my blue drink a bit but I think I’m drunk enough it’s okay. 

“H-Hey Kenny.” Jimmy greets as he pours a drink into his red solo cup. “Knock K-Knock?” 

“Valmer, yo man. Who’s there?” I think Kenny is sober because when he’s not sober he’s annoying and touchy and he laughs a lot. He’s not doing that. He’s like nice and shit.

Clyde’s already laughing at this joke but Jimmy hasn’t even told it yet. Or maybe Clyde just hasn’t stopped laughing. He does that. I don’t know. 

I’m drunk. 

“Dewie.” Jimmy says. 

“Dewie who?”

“Dewie h-have to use a c-condom?” Jimmy is smirking and the dirty joke takes me surprise and makes me laugh. It makes me laugh really hard but it makes Kenny laugh too and he’s not even drunk so I’m guessing it is funny. I’m not sure.

Clyde is laughing so hard I’m not sure if he can breathe. 

I think the joke was funny. 

Wait- when is he supposed to be here? I feel like if Kenny is here he’s supposed to be here. But why? Shit. I can’t remember.   
“Holy shit Valmer, you know me so well. That joke was genius. You’re a genius. A comedic genius. Why aren’t you famous?” Kenny is asking Jimmy who laughs and stutters out a response. 

Clyde is still dying over in the corner. 

I’m still trying to remember why Kenny being here might mean he’s here. Then- “Oh yeah Craig, I gave Tweek a ride here ya know. He’s off looking for you.” Kenny tells me.

“That’s why you matter.” I realize. I glance at the handsome blonde who winks at me.

“Oh baby, I always matter.” The self pronounced ‘play boy’ blows a kiss at me but turns his attention back to talking to Jimmy about his latest comedic skit. 

I take my blue drink and I leave Token’s kitchen to find him. Because I reaaally need to find him. Like it’s so important. I’d probably explode if I don’t.

The living room is crowded with drunk teens. We party-proofed the house earlier (as in removed everything fragile and expensive from sight) but I still see some damage. It won’t be fun to clean tomorrow but I also don’t really care. I’m too happy to care. 

Hahaaa alcohol. I like alcohol. I like druuunk. 

I also like-

“Oh shit!” I manage to run face first into god damn Stan Marsh. Drunk Stan Marsh meeting drunk Craig Fucker means fight. We always fight. I’m not sure why we fight. But we fight a lot. We fight even more when we’re drunk. But it’s dumb when we’re drunk because I think people get dumb when they’re drunk.

Maybe I don’t? But Stan does. Stan’s dumb when he’s drunk.

Luckily Kyle Broflovski is glued to Stan’s side and Kyle’s smart and usually sober. He doesn’t let Stan fight. Which is good. I’m looking for him. I have to talk to him. It’s important.

“Craig!” Stan exclaims angrily. “Why the hell did you do that?” I don’t know what he’s talking about but then I realize that my precious blue drink got dumped down the front of Stan’s shirt. 

“Fuck, it was so good.” 

“You ruined my fucking shit Tucker!” Stan exclaims angrily. Kyle reaches out and grabs Stan’s arm.

They’re so gay for eachother. It’s kind of funny. 

“Stan…” Kyle says softly. 

“Sorry man. I gotta go but do you like want mine or something? We’re about the same size.” I pull on the random graphic T I’m wearing and try my best to note the size. I can’t really tell if we’re almost the same size but I mean our faces are similar so our bodies probably are too? I think?

“What?” Stan sounds confused. I’m not sure why he’s so confused but I got things to do. I don’t even wait to hear Stan’s answer to my offer and instead pull off my shirt and toss it at Stan. 

I have spare clothes in one of the guest rooms so it’s fine. “I want that back.” I say as I walk past him and move to go upstairs. 

Somehow it’s crisis avoided and I think I’m closer to finding him. 

He doesn’t like parties. It’s why he didn’t come tonight but then I called him and I begged him to come. Because it’s important. And like it has to happen and yeah. In the past when he’d half heartedly agree to come to parties, back before I discovered I actually like getting dumb and drunk and socializing with other dumb drunks teens, we’d sit upstairs in ‘our’ guest room together and hang out throughout the entire party. 

I think that’s where he is. Plus that’s where my extra shirt is so. Win-win. I think?

I make it up the stairs and I open a door to the guest room but then I realize it’s not the   
right room. It takes me only two attempts to find the correct room and when I do there’s a petite blonde sitting on the bed with his back to me.

“Tweek!” I exclaim happily. My body carries me as I clumsily run across the room and jump onto the bed to hug a confused teen. 

“C-Craig? You reek…” Green eyes fix on me with a slight scowl. “And you’re n-naked?!?” He’s a little red at that. 

“I’m not naked Tweek. I’m shirtless.”

“Where’s your s-shirt? And how d-drunk are you? You seem r-really drunk man. You’re not gonna throw u-up or die anything, are you!?” I laugh and grab the hands of my best friend. I’m so happy that he’s here. I just want to laugh. Which I’m doing. I’m laughing. 

“I spilt my drink on Stan so I gave him my shirt. I have some extras in here. Ya know? So no problem. At all. And yes.”

“Y-Yes?”

“Yes.”

“Y-Yes….?” Tweek gives me a perplexed expression that makes me laugh again.

“I think I might be a little tiny bit drunk man.” Tweek stares at me blankly for a moment before snickering. He tries to cover his face with his hand but I’m holding his hands and I don’t really want to let go.

“You’re w-wasted!”

“Maybe not wasted. But I’m drunk. And I’m happy.”

“Why are y-you happy?” Tweek sounds hesitant to ask such a question.

“Because you’re here. Duh.” Tweek blushes but laughs shyly. 

“I was n-napping when you c-called me.”

“I’m pretty sure when you’re sleeping at midnight it just counts as sleeping and not napping.” Tweek scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“It’s n-napping when you sleep for f-four hours at a time.” Tweek grins at me mischievously and I’m reminded how perfect he is and why I demanded he come here at one in the morning.

“Hey Tweek?”

“Yes C-Craig?”

“I like you.” Tweek turns extra red but laughs nervously.

“Okay, okay. I l-like you too.” With a groan I realize he thinks that I meant I friend-like him. But I don’t. I like-like him.

“Noooo. I like you. Like I like-like. You’re cute as fuck. And fucking perfect and shit.”

“Wait- w-what!” Tweek is turning even redder and unable to keep up with the present.

“I may be drunk but I’m an honest drunk. And I- yeah. I wanted to tell you that you’re cute. And that I like you. And that I want to kiss you. Yeah.” I laugh because I feel like a dumbass but I’m a drunk happy dumbass so it works. 

These are all things I’ve been wanting to tell my best friend for moooonths and I’m not even afraid or regretting a thing. (probably because im drunk but whatever)

“Oh.”

“Yeaaah.” I fall back onto the bed and use my forearm to cover my eyes. I’m starting to feel a little sick. Maybe I did drink too much. Shit.

“Hey C-Craig?”

“Yeah?” 

“I like you too.”

“Oh.” The wave of nausea passes and I pause for a moment as I realize what Tweek just said. “Wait- Oh! Oh, oh, oooh!” I sit up and stare at the blonde who’s still very red and trying really hard to avoid eye contact. “Shit, that’s cool. That’s awesome. Really awesome. Like fantastic. Like wow. Woah.”

Tweek giggles slightly but it’s obvious he didn’t mean to.

“Can I like kiss you? Because that’d be just awesome. Like, really awesome. Sooo awesome.” 

“O-Okay, but only if you stop s-saying awesome.”

“Awesome. Wait! I mean sure. Yeah. Okay. No more awesome. I’m sorry I’m drunk. But you’re cute. I’m going to kiss you now. Okay?”

“Okay,” he says with a smile.


	37. Operation: Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Butters knows Cartman likes Kyle and he's determined to make Operation:Love a win!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyman is so hard to write. Butters is so hard to write. This was so hard to write.
> 
> I hope it's okay
> 
> lmao help

**anonymous asked:  
Prompt. What if Butters was the only one to know that Eric is head over heels in love with Kyle? And he started trying to be Cartman’s wingman and just kept advertising Cartman to Kyle and trying to show him off in a good light and get Kyle to see that Eric isn't all that bad and to give him a chance and stuff. And Cartman would be so embarrassed but didn’t want Butters to stop either, because, hey, who knows, it might help? And in the end it does? Please? :D**

I think I realized it before everyone else because I can’t help but watch Eric so much. Fellas keep saying he’s a bad guy and all but I don’t think so. I think he’s actually quite nice… Real nice…

He’s bold and fearless. He faces things and says the things that everyone is too afraid to say. When something has to get done Eric always steps up to get the job done. He also never gives up. He’ll do whatever it takes to achieve his goal! He’s great. Really. 

He’s so great that when I realized Eric liked Kyle I decided I had to help. 

At first Eric got angry when I told him about Operation: Love but then after I started phase 1 I think he realized my plan my just work after all. I got super happy to be able to Eric! I like to help anyone in any way I can. Especially the person I like…

I think this is helping Kyle too. I’ve known Kyle for a mighty long time and he’s never dated anyone! At first I thought maybe he might be feeling the warm and tinglies towards Stan but then one day he said something and I realized he really is just best friends with Stan! It’s good too because Eric really likes Kyle.

I think Kyle likes him too.

“Heya Kyle!” I exclaim when I spot the curly haired redhead sitting at the bench at Stark's Pond. His head turns to look at me and when our eyes meet he smiles.

“Hi Butters. What are you doing here?” 

“Well, you see, the doctor always says it’s good to get an hour of exercise every day so I’m out on a walk.” I explain uneasily. I never did like lying to people but it’s important for me to start phase two of my master plan. 

For Eric’s sake.

“That’s smart of you.” Kyle says politely.

“You think so? Well, what are you doing way out here Kyle?” The redhead frowns slightly and turns his gaze out over the water.

“Oh nothing much. I’m just thinking.” 

“You wanna talk about it?” I ask a little too eagerly. 

“I don’t know Butters… it’s kind of dumb.” 

“Is it about Eric?” I accidentally blurt out. Operation: Love has been underway for the last two months and I guess I might be getting a little antsy.

Kyle’s head swivels around to stare at me.

“How did you know?” He demands. I swallow nervously and smile. Golly… I’ve never been good at lying.

“Lucky g-guess?”

“You’re right though… It is about him. It’s just so fucking frustrating!” Kyle lets out an angered groan and throws up his hands. 

“W-What is?” I ask shyly.

“Eric Cartman is a gigantic douche bag who deserves to rot in hell. Except-” Kyle cuts off and lets his face fall into his hands with another groan.

“Except he’s not?” I’m a little surprised and offended Kyle would say such a thing about Eric but I guess they have had a rough past.

“Except he’s not,” he confirms. “I just don’t get it. I don’t know when this even happened!”

“Well Kyle… we’re seniors in high school! We’re growing up. Eric’s been nice for a long time I just don’t think you realized it! He’s changed.” I smile at him when our eyes meet but he quickly looks away.

“We are growing up, but this is also Cartman? You’re nice. Stan’s nice. Kenny’s nice. Cartman doesn’t do nice.” Kyle trails off into silence for a long moment. “I didn’t know he was nice.” 

“Well golly.. I think he’s always been nice.”

“Honestly I think you’re right.” Kyle laughs softly and shakes his head. He’s staring off at the water again and the far-off look in his eyes tells me that he’s not really seeing the water. 

Phase two of Operation: Love calls for Kyle realizing Eric is better than he thought. 

Kyle must realize he might like Eric.

“I wish I realized this so much sooner. We graduate in only three weeks. Who knows if we’ll still be friends after it's all over…” 

I think Phase two is complete which means it’s time for Phase three. 

“Yes! Well, would you look at that! Oh biscuit it’s getting late. I’m mighty sorry Kyle but I must be getting home. I don’t want to get grounded!” I stand up quickly and Kyle looks shocked. 

“What? Oh, uh, okay. Thanks for the chat, I guess?” 

I wave Kyle farewell and run down the path and into the trees. I pull out of my phone and immediately text Eric that it’s time for Phase three. 

I crouch down in the bushes and wait.

It doesn’t take long for me to spot Cartman arriving at Starks pond. He’s walking a dog that I know for sure isn’t his and I dearly hope he didn’t dognap it. 

That’d be bad…

Eric walks to the bench and a surprised Kyle stares up at him. I can’t hear them from this far away but Kyle looks annoyed to see Eric. The redhead stands up and is pointing at the dog as he says something. In response Eric laughs.

They continue to talk… and talk. And argue… and bicker.

And then it happens. 

They kiss.

I’m so happy for them but then… why do I feel like I’m about to cry?


	38. Relaxing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig always helps Tweek relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 13 more requests in this mega-load batch!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy to almost be done. I was accepting requests for a week or two and I got 50??? I never expected to get so many freaking requests! But I'm getting close to being done and it is relieving. 
> 
> For everyone who sent me a request after I stopped accepting them or wish to one day send me a request... fear not! I will do requests again. Eventually haha Next time I'll probably only accept the first 10-20 or so (one per person, first come first serve kind of thing) 
> 
> ALSOO- This fic has hit 50K????? Just. Wow. 50K of oneshots is just yeah damn

**anonymous asked:  
Creek prompt! Craig is a very relaxing influence in Tweek's eyes. When he's freaking out, a few words from Craig can calm him down a lot. Holding hands or a touch calms him down even more. He even manages to sleep when Craig is with him. He wonders what it would be like if they kissed. Because already he's not twitching as badly and sometimes even not at all when Craig holds him. All that makes him love Craig even more and wanting to be a real couple, and one day, he tells Craig that too. **

 

“Jesus man, you don’t get it! It could be the end of the w-world and he holds my hand and I’m fine! Just l-like that! It’s like he’s a freaking wizard or something! I l-like him but I don’t know if I can date a wizard! That’d be way too much p-pressure!!” 

“Golly Tweek I don’t quite think that Craig is a wizard.” Butters is smiling at me sweetly and I’m honestly just surprised he doesn’t laugh at my latest Craig-theory.

“What other explanation can there be m-man!? There is none.” I drop my head into my hands and tug at my hair with a groan.

“Maybe he just calms you down? Is it really that strange?”

“Yes! I’m not a calm person. It’s like I was born on v-vibrate. Jesus.” Butters giggles, reaches out, and pats my knee.

“I don’t think it’s strange. You love him and he loves you. He helps you. He’s good for you!” His reassuring words fill me with warmth.

“You t-think so?”

“Why, sure I do! You’ve been dating for a mighty long time. Everyone thinks you two are gonna be the first to get married.” A strangled scream gets caught into the back of my throat.

“Jesus C-Christ! What? We’ve never even k-kissed man! We can’t get married already. We’re only freshman!” 

“Not now silly. Later. When we grow up.”

“Oh…” I trail off and think about the idea of being married to Craig. 

We’ve pretty much grown up glued together. I can’t imagine life without Craig but at the same time could I really imagine myself marrying him? 

After a moment of thought I realize I could. I really could see grown-up life with Craig. 

“But we’ve n-never even kissed…” I repeat, more for myself than for Butters.

“Well do you want to?”

“J-Jesus! Of course! I mean, if he can hold my hand and vibrate is turned off what would happen if we kissed? Would I go into coma or something? OH man!” I shudder as panic floods through me. “You don’t think I’ll go into a coma do you? I d-don’t want to sleep forever!” 

“No way! You won’t go into a coma Tweek. But, ya know, if you really wanna know what it’s like, why don’t you just kiss Craig! You are dating.” I swallow thickly and smile at the blond. 

“Yeah, m-maybe.”

\- - - - -

Yesterdays conversation with Butters has been playing on repeat in my head ever since I lieft his house. Craig arrived at my house an hour ago for our weekly movie marathon and the repeated conversation is louder than ever. The hand gently holding my own doesn’t help.

It’s true that Craig helps me relax. Even at the moment I’m not shaking and twitching like usual, but rather sitting still like a normal person. When Craig’s around I’m not nearly as paranoid about the government watching me or the idea of alien abduction and instead I can focus on normal things. 

I can even sleep as long as Craig is lying next to me in the same bed. This discovery has been a life savior from my hellish case of insomnia. 

Sweeney Todd, a movie Craig loves for some weird reason, is playing in the background and I can’t get the idea of kissing my boyfriend out of my head. You’d think that the gorish sight of poor victims getting their necks slit would be a turnoff but apparently not. 

“-eek.” But really. What would it be like? “Tweek.” Will I slip into a life threatening coma? “Tweek!”

“Jesus! W-What?” I look up sharply in surprise. My eyes meet blue ones who are staring at me blankly. 

“Are you okay? You keep twitching dude. Is the movie freaking you out? I know you don’t like this movie. I can change it if you want.” I shake my head quickly and smile shyly at Craig.

“No! It’s fine. I was just t-thinking.” My boyfriend tilts his head slightly and looks curious. 

“What about?”

“Nothing!” I feel heat rush to my face and I hope it’s not obvious that I’m probably blushing. 

“Obviously it isn’t nothing dork.” My boyfriend rolls his eyes and playfully sticks his tongue out at me which just makes me blush harder. “‘fess up. What’s bothering you?” I squeak in surprise as he scoots closer to me.

“You r-really want to know?” I ask timidly. Craig stares at me blankly and slowly raises his eyebrows.

“Obviously.” 

“Eep!” I squeeze my eyes shut and slowly count to ten in my head. My therapist always says that when you have something you don’t want to say you should count to ten then blurt it out. 8… 9…. 10- “I want to k-kiss you!”

I expect Craig to get disgusted or something but instead he’s silent.

I count to ten three more times in my head and finally open my eyes.

My boyfriend is staring at me blankly. “That’s it?” 

“W-What! What do you mean that’s it? It’s e-embarrassing!” 

“Tweek.”

“W-What?” Our eyes meet and Craig smiles slightly.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for probably the last three years. At least.” 

“Ack! S-Seriously?!? Why haven’t you?” I use my free hand to embarrassedly cover my face. 

“I didn’t want to freak you out.” 

“Well… you c-can now.” I want to look away from my boyfriend but the intense look in his eyes prevent me from moving.

“Okay.” He sounds a little nervous but none the less he starts to lean towards me. When his left hand cups my cheek my eyes naturally shutter close. And then his lips are carefully being pressed against my own.

The kiss isn’t quite what I ever expected. It’s a little shy and awkward but it’s also nice. I expect to find myself relaxing even more than usual but instead my heart is racing and there are nervous flutters in my stomach. But it isn’t bad nervous flutters.

When Craig pulls away I feel a little breathless. 

“Oh w-wow…” I exhale as I open my eyes. I look up in time to make eye contact with my boyfriend who’s grinning slightly.

“What? It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Craig is half joking but I also know he’s serious. I giggle slightly.

“I don’t know…” It was good. It was really good. “It was t-to short. I couldn’t tell. Maybe try a-again?” Craig laughs but complies.


	40. I like your hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Tweek meet up for date-day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've become a non-productive lazy human being. Let's be real.
> 
> (12 more oneshots!)
> 
> PS: I'm so lazy I don't have anyone beta read these and I write them at about 1 am. So I read through it with bleary eyes once after I finish writing it and upload. So apologies for the mess this entirety has become.

**Anonymous said:  
I have a thing for clothes sharing. Creek prompt! Tweek walking around in Craig's jacket or his hat at school or elsewhere, it's kinda a thing they did often. Tweek likes it because they smell like Craig and he likes having something of his even when they are not in the same place or something. And Craig, well, he can be a possessive asshole sometimes.**

 

The third Saturday of every month, no exceptions, is ‘date-day’. It was something we came up with back in elementary school when we were still fake boyfriends to help us keep up the show and then when we actually started dating it was a habit we never got out of. 

This month we decided on lunch at the Paradise Café and a movie afterwards. Unfortunately I'm running late but I told Tweek just to meet me at the park. 

Ruby had been asked to do dishes but fucking used dish soap instead of dishwasher soap. My kitchen turned into a mound of bubbles like you see in the cartoons. I didn't even know that shit was actually possible.

This means that when that mess was finally under control and I was on my way to the park I was already forty minutes late. When I arrived at my destination I didn’t see Tweek anywhere. I pulled out my phone to call my boyfriend when I realize the two random guys I did spot weren’t actually random.

Okay, one of them is some random person, but the other guy is Tweek who’s adorably wearing my chullo that I had left at his house the other night. 

Their backs are to me as I approach. This random jackass is obviously hitting on my boyfriend. Unfortunately said boyfriend is oblivious to flirting and probably has no idea. I’m getting ready to step in when I reach listening distance. 

“Your hat’s pretty cute.” Random jackass compliments. I stop walking because I’m pretty fucking curious to what Tweek has to say to that.

“OH J-Jesus man thanks! It’s n-not mine though…”

“Yeah? Who’s is it? A friend’s?”

“My b-boyfriend man!” At his words the blonde reaches up and tugs on the tassels hanging from my ancient blue hat. The stranger who had been leaning somewhat close to Tweek suddenly straightens up awkwardly.

“Your boyfriend? Like… the guy you’re dating.” This guy reaches up and scratches the back of his brown hair. 

“Well yeah m-man! I mean I have friends who are b-boys too but I usually just call them friends and not b-boyfriends. Do people call male f-friends boyfriends? Jesus, I don’t know!” I’m satisfied when I notice that Tweek tried to pull his hair but considering my hat is hiding his blonde locks he instead tugs on the tassels instead. 

This random guy exaggeratedly glances at his wrist as if he was wearing a watch. “Wow would you look at the time! I’ve got to go.” Without even noticing me once, the guy turns on his heels, and bolts off. 

Tweek is fidgeting and staring down at the ground. He’s so fucking cute. Especially in my hat. Just fuck. Why hasn’t he worn my chullo earlier? FuckKKKKKKk. 

I grin to myself and as quietly as possible step up behind my boyfriend. I reach out and grab his waist as I pitch my voice deeper and speak in his ear. “I’ll be your friend but only if you call me boyfriend.” 

A violent shiver runs through Tweek’s narrow frame as he lets out a shrill scream. “J-JESUS NO WAY MAN! I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND!” He tries to escape my grip and he’s spazzing out so much I give in and let him go as I start laughing hysterically. 

Wide green eyes stare at me incredulously. “C-Craig.”

“You’re not allowed to call me that.”

“W-What!?” Tweek throws his arms up in the air.

“It’s boyfriend now, remember?” The blond groans and sticks his tongue out at me. I reiterate by mimicking him. 

“I’m not c-calling you boyfriend.” He pauses as he stares at me but I’m still laughing. “You’re so late!”

“About that..” I snicker to myself and shake my head. “You won’t believe what Ruby did. It was so stupid, and a huge ass mess, but also hilarious as fuck. My dad was pissed.” I step closer to the blonde and grab one of his hands. I start pulling him in the direction of the cafe.

I start explaining the story of Ruby mixing up dish soap with dishwasher soap. I had been really pissed at having to help clean up and getting the dishwasher to stop filling the kitchen with bubbles but it was funny. My mom took one look at it and left the room because she was laughing so hard but my dad was pissed. I mean there were bubbles to my knees. Like shit.

Tweek thought the story was pretty funny. 

We get to the cafe and are seated quickly. Our waitress is Red, my cousin, which is a little weird but she also knows Tweek and supplies us with coffee instantly. As we’re looking over the menus I notice that Tweek is idly playing with the tassels on my hat. 

“I like your hat.” I inform him bluntly. My boyfriend gasps and starts to fidget. 

“OH man I’m s-sorry! I was just gonna c-carry it with me but then my ears g-got cold while I was waiting for you so I put it o-on and then I just forgot! Do you want it back? Wait, of course you w-want it back. You always wear your h-hat. Oh man, I’m so sorry Craig!” Tweek starts to pull off my hat but I reach out to stop him.

“No dude leave it on. You look way better than me. Maybe you should keep it.” Tweek’s eyes grow wide as he shakes his head insistently. 

“No w-way! It’s your hat. You’re supposed to wear it. I can’t k-keep it. That’s like if Clyde became a vegetarian! Or if T-Token got poor. It’s wrong!” I scoff.

“So it’s wrong for me not to wear my hat.” Tweek nods and starts to take it off again. “Wait dude! At least wear it for today.” I insist. 

He pauses. “But w-why?”

“Because you look cute as fuck.” Tweek turns red and he lets his hands drop onto the table.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” After that he stops trying to give me my hat back and I’m pleased as fuck with myself. 

Craig Tucker = smooth as fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH yeah! So to everyone who's wondering/asked about my actual creek fanfic Macabre (if you haven't read it I of course recommend you check it outttt!!!) I'm not giving up on that fic! Not at all. I just had a lot going on and so doing these requests which are short and sweet were a lot easier to keep up on than that fic. I'm hopefully gonna update Macabre within the next week or two?? SO yah! No worries. I'm not done with that fic.


	41. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig just wants to kiss Tweek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO this one is short and sucks but oh well. It's been so long since I've written at all it's going to take some getting back into. I hope you enjoy nonetheless :)

**anonymous asked: CREEK MAKING OUT but they get HELLA CAUGHT BY SOMEBODY it's super embaressing**

“N-Ngh, C-Craig! Not here! S-Someone will s-see us!” Frantic blonde hair bounces in every direction as his pale sharp face glances in every which direction. No matter what degree of panic that spaz is in, he’s still damn cute.

“I don’t know why you’re worrying so much honey.” I strategically wink right as green eyes glance into my own azure orbs. “It’s not like we’re in the closet or some shit.” 

A small growl escapes his long delicately curved neck. Sharp nails claw into my chest from where they nervously grab my shirt. Tweek Tweak is the finest specimen out there as far as I’m concerned. 

“It’d still be b-bad if someone sees u-us.” 

“Not at all silly,” with one finger I tilt his chin up as I move my face in. “Just close your eyes and relax,” I whisper against his trembling lips. A desperate growl emits from the blonde and that easily our lips finally meet. 

With that soft touch my mind is worlds away. Thin arms wrap around my back as my own limbs encircle his narrow frame. It’s bizarre to me how Tweek can somehow make me feel so helpless. For his love, attention, acceptance… I don’t know. With him I feel exposed, and yet complete. 

What starts as a soft spatter of pecks begins to crescendo into something heated and desperate for more. 

Tweek’s hands slip under my shirt and grasps at my bare flesh. The only sound in the school hall is our quick gasps of breath between each swirling of tongues. 

I knew this was a damn good idea. 

As we both pause for a millisecond to breathe the blonde pulls back but I don’t let him get far before we’re just both back at it again. 

“Oh, for fucks sake!” A strange voice exclaims.

“AAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!” 

“Fuck- Tweek!” The blonde has flung himself several feet away from me where he stands shaking with wide eyes and a red face. My ears are ringing from his scream.

Mr. Garrison stands before us with his hands on his hips. Tweek’s scream has attracted the attention of students. Classroom doors open as several pairs of eyes observe the scene. 

“Well, I swear. How fucking gay are you two gay wads?” Mr. Garrison raises his eyebrows as our eyes meet. 

Tweek is embarrassingly sputtering nonsense and I _want_ to be angry or embarrassed but honestly I feel pretty smug. Tweek is never down to make out at school and I got him to make out with me. Score. 

“I don’t know Mr. Garrison, those fags are pretty gaaaay.” The dickish words of course come from Eric Cartman who is leering through the nearest class doorway. 

“I have no argument against that.” I supply with a shrug. 

Mr. Garrison groans and rolls his eyes. “Whatever,” he turns to the students staring, “get back to class!” As soon as all the doors are closed he turns back to us. “Damnit Tweek, you’re not gonna die. Don’t give me that look.” 

“A-Argh!” I grab the blonde’s arm and tug him against me. 

“Sorry Garrison, we’ll get going back to class.” 

“No Craig, I don’t think so. You two go directly to PC Principal’s office and explain what you did wrong.” Garrison demands. 

I groan and roll my eyes. “What- being gay?” 

“No, Craig, for skipping class to make out in the halls. Now get going I have a class thirty dipshits to teach.” I flip off the teacher and start pulling Tweek down the hall. “And don’t think about playing hooky! I’m calling the principal and making sure you go down there!” I continue to flip him off as we turn the corner. 

“I f-fucking hate you m-man.” Tweek whines as soon as we’re out of sight. 

“Hey, c’mon. You don’t hate me.”

“Ufgh, fine. But I’m s-still mad. I’m never k-kissing you again.” The petite boy’s cheeks are red and his eyes are downcast. 

Fuck- I’m so fucking in love with him. 

“Liar,” I whisper as I pull him into a soft kiss. 


End file.
